Time Management Support Group
This community is devoted to helping those looking to improve their time management skills. Time management is commonly defined as the various means by which people effectively use their time and other closely related resources in order to make the most out of it.
I know how to limit my time due to health issues, etc. Here's the problem....I have family that signs me up for things, without my permission and/or knowledge, and then I am stuck. I am considering seriously running away or telling all where they can go. Both of us have our own health issues and even if not, I'd like a life besides babysitting the universe.
Hubby will not back me up in setting boundaries as he has a guilt complex and says "yes" to all on everything then complains.
I told him just last nite, that unless we start telling people there lives & schedules are their problem, we will have no lives of our own. We have 2 children remaining at home and that should be ALL we are responsible for.
Or, am I just being a old bat? The other 2 children are married and supposedly on their own. Further, his mom has a grandson who could do all her odd jobs but God forbid anyone confront him to get off his lazy sorry hind end and help instead of mooching!
Ok, am I right or wrong? Selfish? Uncaring?
Hubby will not back me up in setting boundaries as he has a guilt complex and says "yes" to all on everything then complains.
I told him just last nite, that unless we start telling people there lives & schedules are their problem, we will have no lives of our own. We have 2 children remaining at home and that should be ALL we are responsible for.
Or, am I just being a old bat? The other 2 children are married and supposedly on their own. Further, his mom has a grandson who could do all her odd jobs but God forbid anyone confront him to get off his lazy sorry hind end and help instead of mooching!
Ok, am I right or wrong? Selfish? Uncaring?
You and Hubby aren't responsible for the whole world, if you do that then other people are missing out on their blessings of being helpers too! (like that grandson- don't hog his blessing!)
Nan
The mooching grandson is hubby's nephew and God forbid he be confronted with anything as he's "had a hard life". Well, sorry, suck it up and welcome to reality! No one is responsible where they start or come from but by golly they are responsible for where they
end up.
My grandpa always had a saying for folks of that type...."They'd be a waste of a good bullet." Personally, I think a good dose of EXLAX may get him moving. LOL Oh, that's just bad...... LOL But he would be moving at least.....right?
The first question is; does your husband acknowledge he has a "guilt complex" or is this just your observation?
If he does not recognize that then there is nothing that can be done.
If he does recognize it then we can work it out. We could go on and on about differing behavior styles and how his style acts and reacts but lets keep it simple for now.
When people (anyone) requests something from us; each of the parties involved have needs. The requestor has a need to have their request filled and your husband who has needs of his own that he has to fulfill. Would you agree?
The problem is that we have never been taught to answer a request by satisfying both parties needs. When we satisfy the needs of both parties and take action on that we can walk away not feeling guilty.
If you are still around this forum and are interested in finding out a method that I use to combat this same situation respond to this post. Once I see a response I will fill you in. It is a bit lengthy so I dont want to type it if you have abandoned this thread (the last posts were on 8/11).
Respectfully,
George
I did, at least I think I did, resolve the issue as the other day my Irish ire got the better of me and I told him IF HE PROMISED someone to do something and could not, not to dump it on my plate as my plate is full!' Hope he was listening.
I know his mom needs looked after and his nephew would be the one that left her in the ditch, so to speak. I understand that. Further, I understand he cannot demand his nephew to get out as it is his mom's place. That's her job. I also know hubby is her only resource for outside help. She's a bit touched in the head in some ways and she trusts him.
Therefore, maybe it is just dealing with aging parents which we all will have to face at some point. HOWEVER, the other odds & ends are going to be his.
Have I gotten that correct?