I'm sorry I haven't been very supportive these past few days. I've been struggling to come up with a plan that I could present to my doctor.

I had an appt. with her yesterday and assumed she'd have read the report from my Rheumatologist. Wait...back track to Tuesday. I had the follow up with the Rheumy to get the test results. She informed me that I had a severe case of Fibro, but nothing showed up in my bloodwork to account for the amount of pain I'm having. She told me that it shouldn't be treated with narcotics and that my brain no longer knows how to fight pain without help. I've always said that the least little bump to my body causes a ridiculous amount of pain...way out of proportion. She described that as a Fibro thing before I had mentioned it.

I was diagnosed so long ago that I'd never heard of it! Then it seemed to become almost trendy and if that was on your chart, docs never looked to see if any new symptom might be from something other than Fibro. Over time, I came to hate the dx and refused to admit that it was real. Too many people were almost boasting and wearing it like a badge and I would think that they acted way too normal and happy to have what I had.

After years of pain that was most definitely progressing, a PA reluctantly ordered a MRI and it was discovered that I had 3 bulging discs in my neck, Arthritis/stenosis and other various issues in other parts of my spine. My PCP at the time looked at it and said, 'No wonder you have pain. This isn't going to get better, ya know'. He also thought Fibro was a bunch of bunk, but did say I had some kind of pain syndrome. (???)

He retired and I found the female doc I see now and she started treating the pain when she saw the shape I was in...trying to work and function in my life. The meds have changed and increased over the past 4-5 years, but so has my pain. I've developed Cervical Neuropathy, nerve impingement down my left leg that started with the Sciatic nerve and then was joined by the others in the bundle around it. I have a torn Rotator Cuff, a kneecap that slides off it's base and Arthritis everywhere that's been filmed.

So when the Rheumy told me that I shouldn't be taking all this medication for Fibro, I got worried because my fear has been that my PCP will go on a mission to take them all away! Let's remember that I had pain that was so bad I could barely walk some days, long before anyone would give me a thing for it. Obviously, my brain didn't know how to fight pain on it's own back then!!!

So with great anxiety, I went to my appt. yesterday right after seeing my shrink. She said she hadn't seen a report so it was up to me to fill her in. I was honest without making a big deal about the meds. She was in a hurry, we talked a little, she refilled my scripts and off I went. Whew.

When I finally got home after 1:00, my friend's elderly Mother was doddering into my yard to see when I could cut her hair...crap, I wasn't prepared for anything but a nap since I hadn't slept the night before, but I figured I'd get it out of the way then. After that my Mom wanted me to go to Dollar General with them (insert sigh) so I said I would.

That's what finished me off. I tried to help her close the van door since she was having a grouchy, my back is lame and my eye is runny, kind of day. and in my hurry, I grabbed the door with my right hand and wrenched my bad shoulder. I didn't say a word when it happened, but shortly after I got home and settled on my bed, my DIL sent me a frantic text to see if I'd go pick up my Grandaughter and get her to dance class in 15 min.!!! I found out that I couldn't move the automatic shift in my car unless I reached over with my left arm. The pain was something and I knew I had reinjured that damned shoulder.

It continued to worsen all evening, I couldn't type or talk to anyone. Finally, with enough drugs, I went to sleep until 2:45 and I've been up battling this pain ever since. My leg is in bad shape, too, but my right arm is not fit for doing hair...it even burns on that side of my neck.

I finally gave in and called my morning color client and rescheduled her for this afternoon right after a guy's haircut. I will be ok by then...I will be ok by then...I will...this is my life.

Anyway...this has taken so long to type that it feels like it should be evening by now! I'll be around this morning, trying to coddle this shoulder so I can make some money this afternoon. I think of all of you and read about your joys and struggles. Please know that I wanted to reply to everything, but simply couldn't

Love, hugs and clucks!