I meant to ask if anyone wanted to share a special holiday memory?

If I spend any time thinking about the memories made when my children were young and we were a family, I fall apart. Now...I'm alone and in constant pain, depressed and working when it feels like I'm going to collapse.

My dreams have been shattered and this is one of the few things that can make me really cry. I'm sorry if this brings you down. It wasn't my intent, but I've had a very stressful day and I'm right on the edge, anyway.

This is my safe place, right?

What fun! I wish I had videos of my kids to watch. We really don't have any traditions... Least not any more since CP.

Cherry I'm sorry this is such a sad topic for you and you've had such a bad day:(

Good to see you back Blessed:)

This is just a chapter in your life, Cherry. That is what I tell myself. Some chapters have better Christmas' than others.

My fondest memory is being small and left alone in a corner to play with my new stuff and getting a paint by number and spending hours doing my very best. I didn't have to share this with any of my siblings.

This is going way back, but I always wanted to recreate that for my sons and hope they always had good memories. I was always locked in to having to go to the step grandparents home, but I would ensure they had the time to touch and play and relax as they liked while I treated them to special goodies.

My fondest memories of Christmas was as a child with my brother.
Coming home from school for Christmas vacation and all the excitement leading up to the big day.
I still smile when i think of those memories. He is gone now, died 12/11/10.
Merry Christmas younger Bro.
love and miss you!

Something that always sticks in my mind. One Christmas aged about 6 i asked for a bike! Christmas morning came and i excitingly ran downstairs looking for my bike, couldn't find it.....started to feel my bottom lip tremble...... that cheeky santa had hid it being the door! But not only had he hid it, i couldn't understand why he hadn't bought me a brand new shiny one?
Now of course, i know santa did his best and probably spent quite a bit of time painting this bike all for me!

Sometimes i wonder if we make to big a deal with kids about santa, it raises such expectation. As a child i wondered how others got better presents. How do you explain that to a child that santa had the money for billy round the corner but not for you.

I've made a couple of long replies to this..
Focusing on the better times and the positives..
But, with my heart aching..
So I've erased them.

Said that just to say..I understand Cherry.
Times that bring happy memories can be so hard when it feels that happiness is all in the past.
I hope you feel well enough at Christmas to feel some joy.
Luvnhugs
jc

for me as a child christmass was always exciting the living room was packed full right out to the titchen with gifts but there were 7 kids ...............so i miss all the presents at christmass not the gifts themselves but the wraped boxes it realy made chritmass for me and when i had my children we had four and a little house so the living room was full of gifts and i just love the look of it ...............since our kids are all growen and on there owen and have famileys of ther owen i find that christmass just isent the same .............i was always use to a big tree and now we have a little tree it fits in the hous better and no one comes over eneyaway we go to see everyone ..............it took me a while to get use to it but now i am enjoying christmass again and we give the grandchildren money because it is so hard to bye them something they will all be happy with and only have so much money to go around ..............so now it is not so stress full .............i always stresed because i always wanted to give more or i hadw to realy like what i was giving each one and shoping is very hard on my ...............so allthough i always ended up enjoying christmass there was so much stress ...........now sterss free and enjoying it .................i had one christmass when i was a little girl and i got a dog i was so happy well this dog was just terable there was somthing wrong with it it bit everyone in the house and hard make you blead ...............it would be sleeping under the old soweeing table my mom had and if you forgot and walked byt it it would run out and bite you ...............it slept at the foot of my bed and every time i moved it bit me .................i was always realy good with anamels and i was so devastated that i could not make frends with my puppy we kept the dog till it was full growen untill one day it got a hold of my brothers big toe under the kitchen table ...........my dad had to go under the table and pru the dogs moth off his toe and the dog bit up my dads hand so my dad smanked it and put his hand out and the dog bit him again so he spanked him again and gput his han out and the dog bit him again my dads hand was all chued up ..........we finaly had to have him put dowen ...............i was so upset it was like everytime he bit someone i felt like it was my falt because he was my dog and i felt so bad i couldent make frends with him ................it was trmatic at the time i forget how old i was ...........but i new they took the god away but i didnt know they were putting him to sleep ..............so i was young enough .............i am looking forward to christmass this year i just hope i will be feeling good no migrains because i am going visiting migrain or not ................i hope you all have a great christmass