I was raped when very drunk at a coworker's birthday party. I get triggered by:
-the scent of alcohol on someone's breath
-any situation where I'm lying down and someone is looming over me
-a dark room
-the cracks of light under the door or through the window when in a dark room
-any sudden attempts to touch me, even from my family and friends/friendly coworkers
-reading about the Bill Cosby case on the news, or anything similar to that

I deal with them by:
-avoiding alcohol when I can, though I *do* like an occasional beer or glass of wine
-telling my family to hold off on hugging and touching for now
-reading books on trauma, how the brain works with triggers and dissociation, and therapeutic techniques used to reduce distress in and out of sessions
-avoiding the news (for now) and limiting social media
-keeping a "grounding bag" with me filled with tools I can use to ground myself, like a tumble dryer plastic hedgehog (weird, but cute and useful)
-writing about how disturbed I am in my journal
-keeping a light on if my partner and I are intimate
-having open discussions with my partner about what might have triggered a flashback, and what he can do to comfort me

I suppose it's all very practical!

Thanks for sharing! I also shut down most of my social media accounts. It made me feel even more anxious. I felt like everyone on social media knew that I was raped, crazy right!

I like your ''grounding bag''! It seems like a super cute and helpful idea! Whenever I am at home and I feel like I'm about to get a panic attack, I put on a Tiara. It may sound silly but it really helps calming me down and it makes me feel confident again! I am going to try your idea whenever I am outside, perhaps it will also work for me haha!

The touching part: I can relate, I have the same thing. Although it really, really bothers me I cannot confront other people about it. It feels like I am being a brat and exaggerating so instead I have mini 5 minute panick attacks.

Your ideas are certainly helpful to all of us. Again, thanks for sharing.

This is interesting, I very much try to ignore any triggers of mine.. mine are
-being alone when no one is around me
-being outside in the dark by myself
-being in crowded hostile places (sometimes)
-thinking about it before bed gives me awful nightmares, I think I think about it before bed when I'm hyper aware of my body for some reason (like after a shower or being intimate sometimes)
-seeing my clothes from work or driving by where I used to work (as I was raped by a coworker mst harshly)
-driving by places that my assaults occured

I deal with these things by
- trying to push out the thoughts,
-reminding myself that I am okay, that I am safe
- talking to my partner about some of them casually, he senses me being casual, and does the same, it helps me lighten the situation
- avoiding my triggers all together (work uniform and places with bad memories)
-reminding myself how strong i am, and what a miserable worthless human being my attacker was

I dont really have any physical items I've ever used to help but I might try and see if something of mine sticks! When I cant overcome i just let the sadness overwhelm me and I get exhausted and g to sleep, it's not good of me to do but i dont feel strong enough sometimes to accept it and push it away.. thanks for sharing everyone!

tothebone,

Thanks for sharing!
I get why you do it, but do not push those feelings away! By pushing them away and not facing them, you are not allowing yourself to heal which can cause even bigger panic attacks. Ever since I embraced the triggers I've felt better. I mean that you should not let them have any kind of power over you. You are in full control! If you avoid it won't go away, if you overcome you are taking control of the situation. In order for you to heal you need to feel in control so do it !I know you can!

You could also try, step by step to get to the source of what and why something triggers you. If you know what did, you can take control again!

Perhaps, carry a little notebook with you and write down these things:
-What triggered me?
-What did I feel about it?
-What do I want to feel about it?
-How am I going to achieve that?

By doing this, you are already settling yourself and simply distracting your mind from panicking because you are writing (luckily the brain can only focus on one major thing at once).
After you did this, put away your notebook and do something you like to do, like drawing ;)
I promise you that you will feel better and after a while, the sadness is partially replaced by solutions and it won't overwelm you anymore!

Just remember, you are strong and you are not alone! You are a survivor!

My triggers are
- smell of a certain aftershave
- sound of someone breathing near me
- people talking about not believing a victim (lots of celebrity cases recently)
- I also get nightmares, I used to have to convince myself before bed every night that it wasn't my fault, but I have managed to stop doing this by looking at my reasons (written down) why it WASN'T my fault.
- Giving oral sex, triggers violent memories

I use a grounding technique too. I have a ring on my little finger that my mum gave me. I twist it and look at it to bring myself back to earth a bit.

I have also recently just told my boss what happened who has emailed my coworkers to ask not bring up rape around me. I think this has helped a lot because people have been more understanding than I thought.

Thank you for all sharing your techniques, this is helping me so much. <3

Dear mol247,

Thank you for trusting us with your feelings and experiences about this subject!

The nightmares are tough I know, but think of it as a way of your mind that is ready to heal. I know this might sound crazy, but this too is a aspect of the healing process. To me, this is one of the toughest aspects.

I would like to share with you what made me reduce the nightmares:

1. I took control of what it did to me. As soon as you embrace the fact that you indeed did have a nightmare that took you back to the trauma, it will help your brain to focus on settling down your anxiety.

2. I realized that I can not control my nightmares. One of the main reasons that your nightmare is so so, painful is because you are reliving your trauma (in my case, I could even feel everything all over again and as I woke up, the feeling didn't go away) and that makes you panic because it will take you back to the feeling of being out of control. My experience: the helplessness I felt after the rape was equal to the helplessness I felt whenever I had a nightmare. Feeling like you don't have control over something is the biggest trigger of all.
Instead of trying to control my nightmares, I took control of how I would let it affect me. Getting back control is one of the biggest aspects on your recovery road. (Feel free to message me if you would like some more info about this subject :) )

3. I used to do the same thing you did: before I went to bed, I tried to convince myself that it was not my fault. I did that with everything. Truth is: you don't need to convince yourself of what you already know happened. This is a form of denial that only makes your panic attacks worse.

4. I tell myself that I am proud that I fought to get better another day, and I Tell myself that every day I survive is one day closer to recovery. I even set alarms to remind me !

Fact: if the last thing you think about is something negative, your subconscious will automatically push it into your dream. For your brain this is a way of forcing you to deal with it and to make you understand that you need to adres is because it is making your body sick.
For example: Every night before I went to sleep I thought about the rape, aggressively trying to supress it. That lead to a nightmare every time.

To stop my nightmares I did a lot of things and the most recent thing I've learned is this:
Fill your mind with something other than trauma overthinking and your subconscious won't feel like it needs to adres it. Read a book or watch a serie. When you wake up anxious because of the nightmare: do not stay in your bed! Open your eyes sit up straight for 10 seconds and immediately get out of bed. Try walking around the house or sitting next to your bed. Do this until you feel calm again. This way you are taking control!

I hope this helps you, try it out and I guarantee you that at least one of this things work.
If you need any more support or anything else, feel free to message me !

Remember: you are a survivor and I am proud of you
Best of wishes,

Lilac

All of you are so strong.. and some days I am to... today isn't on of those days,
Today is a trigger.
I'm scared, I'm nervous, I don't want to get out of bed ( but have to)
I have to put on a happy face for my son, so he doesn't worry, I don't even want to look outside..
I have no one to talk to... oh, and I meet my new therapist next week.. that's causing much scaredness..

Dear notalone00 ,

By telling us what triggers you, you're already proving that you are just as strong as us! To be honest, although I've been having a lot of good days, I still feel restless sometimes. It is all about finding balance. Balance is one of the most important things during your healing process.

Just know that it is completely okay for you to have a bad day! It shows you that there will be good ones too. And even if today, all you will do is get up out of bed, I am so proud of you! This is another indicator of how strong you truly are!.

About the being scared part: it is mostly caused by the uncontrollable situations which lead you back to the trauma. Just know that it is completely normal for you to feel like that. I think that if you write down exactly what you are feeling and what caused it, your anxiety will calm. This way you are taking control of the situation and you are allowing your subconscious to get out of defense mode. It is completely normal and please know that you are not alone! Try making a list with things that scare you about a new therapist vs what your new therapist can do to help you. In my opinion part of you really is scared for it, but you are mostly afraid of letting the new therapist peek into your mind, for it's a place you don't even feel comfortable (right now).

And last but not least, I have two more things that may help you.
1: In my experience, children can feel it when you are restless or when you are afraid. Working on your recovery might be scary, but know that by helping yourself you are indirectly being there for your son more than ever! If you are happy he is! I believe you can do it. Just look in that little kid's eyes and I believer there is all the inspiration and courage that you need.

2: Set (I call them) Survivor alarms. Search for Survivor quotes on the internet and set them as alarms through out the day. This will give you just that little bit more strength. I used to set a 9:30 p.m. alarm with ''You did it, you survived another day and I'm proud of you''. It made me smile and it felt like I was the source of energy that became frequent on the long run.

If you need anyone to talk to, you can always talk to me. Don't you ever feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, it's the worst feeling I know.

You are strong and I am proud of you <3

Liefs,
Lilac