The Den Community Group
Pull up a chair and put your feet up. Lie down if necessary! :)
My story...Married extremely young. Had a good marriage but with a self absorbed hubby. About 9 yrs ago, my kids were just graduating college & high school. I had been the continuously involved mom. Had empty nest syndrome along with some other issues pertaining to mid life crisis. Had an affair & then a divorce after 25 yrs. of marriage. Husband said he would ruin my life, take EVERYTHING that was important to me away if I didn't stay. I didn't.
My kids were devastated from my betrayal. I was a mess.
Daughter was as vicious as ex. son soon forgave me. Daughter TOTALLY est. me. Was not invited to wedding, that I was paying for, was not included with birth of first GC. Then GC was sick & she slowly started letting me see GC. Very hostile towards me, but started to let me in the door. This was in about a 4 year period.
Ex outright punishes anybody & everybody who has any connection with me. Even my son.
By the way, I am still with the person that I had the affair with & my ex & his ex are now married. Did ya catch that??? My now fiance lived with a woman, he & I had an affair. Our significant others hooked up & got married. Unfortunately they are miserable because they are both evil ppl. So...ex's wife is the queen of vendictive behavior. She, my ex & my semi est. daughter treat me like dirt.
I stay connected because I have become attached to my GCs & tell myself that they can "suck it" as long as I get to see my GCs. But very difficult because of the treatment. Just wishing I could see GCs & never see the others.
Anybody else deal with being included just enough to witness all the ways you are a nothing?
My kids were devastated from my betrayal. I was a mess.
Daughter was as vicious as ex. son soon forgave me. Daughter TOTALLY est. me. Was not invited to wedding, that I was paying for, was not included with birth of first GC. Then GC was sick & she slowly started letting me see GC. Very hostile towards me, but started to let me in the door. This was in about a 4 year period.
Ex outright punishes anybody & everybody who has any connection with me. Even my son.
By the way, I am still with the person that I had the affair with & my ex & his ex are now married. Did ya catch that??? My now fiance lived with a woman, he & I had an affair. Our significant others hooked up & got married. Unfortunately they are miserable because they are both evil ppl. So...ex's wife is the queen of vendictive behavior. She, my ex & my semi est. daughter treat me like dirt.
I stay connected because I have become attached to my GCs & tell myself that they can "suck it" as long as I get to see my GCs. But very difficult because of the treatment. Just wishing I could see GCs & never see the others.
Anybody else deal with being included just enough to witness all the ways you are a nothing?
Well my heart goes out to you because anytime there are grands involved your heart is stuck. It's sad because our kids do not see us as people. I dont know what they think we are, but they dont think we are flesh and blood and feelings you know!
Yes...Jerry Springer only wishes he could get guests as entertaining as the ppl in my environment! Funny thing is, they set on the front pew every Sunday morning!! Educated nut cases with hearts as hateful as anybody you would meet.
I found the more I tried to fix anything or even all the good I did when ES and I reconciled for several years, just didn't matter or have any positive affect. And that was after 12 years of being reconciled, being in grands lives, doing things together, etc. Something triggered ES again and now I can no longer see grands and ES is doing the same thing to my GS that my ex did to him and now gs is believing the lies.
Not very encouraging but you asked if anyone had a similar experience. I, also, left ex and I have discovered that the one who initiates the divorce is perceived by kids as the bad one and the ex who is left is so angry and bitter and has one goal......to get even at any cost.
My advice is to tread cautiously and say little to nothing about anything. (Of course do not tolerate disrespect or abuse) Focus on developing bond with gc for as long as you can and if your daughter pulls away again in the future, you will have planted the seeds of memory into your gc and that gives way to hope.
iron gave some good advice
How People treat you is their karma: How you respond is yours: We are worth so much more then they give us credit for and you have to realize this becomes more their loss then ours as time goes by.