Wrongful Conviction/ Injustice Community Group
For people and families who have tasted or advocate against the horrors of injustice
I like to think that I am a survivor rather than a victim of a false conviction or injustice. But it did take some time and it was certainly not easy for me to get to this point.
As I said before, time is the best healer, but there are things that I feel victims of injustice can do to help themselves. I learned a lot about life and even more about myself during this long journey, so hopefully I can help someone else with their journey.
I don't have all the answers, but if I can just make a difference in a few lives, it will be worth it.
My problems started in the early 1990's when I was arrested for a sex crime against a minor. I was an upstanding citizen, had a six year degree in pharmacology, and it was a shock to have any contact with law enforcement.
After my conviction, I went to prison to serve the 20 year sentence which the jury imposed after the week long trial. And I was VERY bitter, but more, I was VERY angry.
One thing that helped me from the beginning was that I did not become depressed or feel sorry for myself. Instead, any depression turned to anger. I was so angry with the system that there was little room for pity or depression.
My opinion is that it is OK to understand that you have been the victim of a terrible injustice, but the healing process is greatly delayed if you start feeling sorry for yourself. More on that later.
At the same time, I am not one of those people that think you can "just get over it" by pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, either. You can't and don't let anyone tell you that you can.
During the early part of my prison sentence, I was still very angry and bitter. Outwardly I was fairly normal, but inwardly I was in turmoil.
The second year of my incarceration a lady I had known in high school began to write and visit me. I had always had support from my family, but this was different.
On the support issue, support is very, very important to ever heal. This is one reason this forum is so very important and needed. Nobody---nobody on this earth---will ever understand why you feel the way you do unless they have been or are going through this mess. People need a place to come together to talk about their fears, their hopes, and their dreams without having to worry about being ridiculed. A safe haven is needed. This forum provides that.
Along with support, faith is vital. A person needs to have a great faith in himself or faith in a higher power. I am not a particularly religious person, but I do think we live in a physical AND a spiritual world. Some people deepen their faith in God or a higher power and that is fine. Some people have so much faith in themselves as a person that it helps them heal. Whatever works, but faith in SOMETHING is vital, I believe.
Fast forward eight years to the day I was released from prison. Time had helped, but I still hated the system, hated DAs, did not like law enforcement, etc. I still feel the same today even though I am fine.
One thing about going to prison on a false charge is that it will change you.
A liberal is a conservative who has been to prison.
After my release, I was still plenty pissed off about everything. I hated most of the world, I was very angry with God that he allowed this to happen, and I was cynical of everything---but I was better.
Then there were several things at this point in time that helped me change.
One day I was over at my lady friend's house eating dinner and I was on a really good rant that evening. At some point, she got tired of hearing it and she put her hand on my shoulder, looked at me with anger in her eyes, and said, "You have given them eight years of your life. Are you going to give them the rest of your life by staying mad at the world?"
I hated to admit it but she was correct. My anger was slowly beginning to affect my health. At that point I knew I needed to make some changes or my life would take a turn for the worse.
It was out of self-preservation that I started to think more deeply about things and life in general, more than I ever did before.
Then a couple of years later, I came across a letter from an old high school friend who was killed in Vietnam. Here was this young man, who was half way across the world, fighting for something he probably did not understand, and his life was wasted before it even started. He would never know what it is like to fall in love, hold his first newborn child, or have a life.
It was at that point that I became a little ashamed at my bitterness and I probably even shed a tear or two. Why was I allowed to live and he had to die?
It was at this point that I felt very humbled and began to realize that life is so precious and can be taken away so easily that my troubles seemed so small.
And I thought of an old worn out cliche that is so true, "life is not fair."
That is so true. Life is not fair, but we have to deal with it. What alternative do we have? In prison we used to play a lot of Spades. You always had to play with the cards you were dealt. There was no re-deal. Life is like that.
To be able to heal, at some point a person has to realize that he or she is BIGGER than the event that caused all the problems. That he or she will conquer this. That he or she does not want to be defined as a "victim".
I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom about life after going through my experience. I was able to rise above it.
I never went to a therapist, although I think they are great. Many times they can see a situation from a different angle than you can. Sometimes we, as victims, cannot see the forest for the trees, so to speak.
Now I am a support person for inmates, their families and anyone else connected to the criminal justice system. I work for prison reform and things to help the families of inmates. I work with my dear friends over at "Families of Sex Offenders," and "Families of Prisoner" to make things better for them. And of course, I am very interested in the area of injustices, as was involved in that.
Of course, helping others empowers me as I know I am helping someone improve their life. I think victims of an injustice are better served getting involved in some movement as it give them a purpose in life and takes their mind off their problems, especially when they see others suffering so much.
I advise victims to get involved with a project as I have or get involved with something like the Salvation Army or any project that helps others. Why? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves as human beings and it increases our self-worth to know we are helping others. And it is difficult to keep someone down for long if they feel good about themselves.
I hope my story has at least made a few people think. I KNOW this is a very difficult road. I can think of nothing worse that being convicted and sent to prison for a crime you did not commit.
The good thing is that there is HOPE. Trust me, things get better.
It reminds me of an old song I listen to once in a while that says, "Ain't no such thing as always." Everything comes to an end, even the bad times.
rewdiazepam
As I said before, time is the best healer, but there are things that I feel victims of injustice can do to help themselves. I learned a lot about life and even more about myself during this long journey, so hopefully I can help someone else with their journey.
I don't have all the answers, but if I can just make a difference in a few lives, it will be worth it.
My problems started in the early 1990's when I was arrested for a sex crime against a minor. I was an upstanding citizen, had a six year degree in pharmacology, and it was a shock to have any contact with law enforcement.
After my conviction, I went to prison to serve the 20 year sentence which the jury imposed after the week long trial. And I was VERY bitter, but more, I was VERY angry.
One thing that helped me from the beginning was that I did not become depressed or feel sorry for myself. Instead, any depression turned to anger. I was so angry with the system that there was little room for pity or depression.
My opinion is that it is OK to understand that you have been the victim of a terrible injustice, but the healing process is greatly delayed if you start feeling sorry for yourself. More on that later.
At the same time, I am not one of those people that think you can "just get over it" by pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, either. You can't and don't let anyone tell you that you can.
During the early part of my prison sentence, I was still very angry and bitter. Outwardly I was fairly normal, but inwardly I was in turmoil.
The second year of my incarceration a lady I had known in high school began to write and visit me. I had always had support from my family, but this was different.
On the support issue, support is very, very important to ever heal. This is one reason this forum is so very important and needed. Nobody---nobody on this earth---will ever understand why you feel the way you do unless they have been or are going through this mess. People need a place to come together to talk about their fears, their hopes, and their dreams without having to worry about being ridiculed. A safe haven is needed. This forum provides that.
Along with support, faith is vital. A person needs to have a great faith in himself or faith in a higher power. I am not a particularly religious person, but I do think we live in a physical AND a spiritual world. Some people deepen their faith in God or a higher power and that is fine. Some people have so much faith in themselves as a person that it helps them heal. Whatever works, but faith in SOMETHING is vital, I believe.
Fast forward eight years to the day I was released from prison. Time had helped, but I still hated the system, hated DAs, did not like law enforcement, etc. I still feel the same today even though I am fine.
One thing about going to prison on a false charge is that it will change you.
A liberal is a conservative who has been to prison.
After my release, I was still plenty pissed off about everything. I hated most of the world, I was very angry with God that he allowed this to happen, and I was cynical of everything---but I was better.
Then there were several things at this point in time that helped me change.
One day I was over at my lady friend's house eating dinner and I was on a really good rant that evening. At some point, she got tired of hearing it and she put her hand on my shoulder, looked at me with anger in her eyes, and said, "You have given them eight years of your life. Are you going to give them the rest of your life by staying mad at the world?"
I hated to admit it but she was correct. My anger was slowly beginning to affect my health. At that point I knew I needed to make some changes or my life would take a turn for the worse.
It was out of self-preservation that I started to think more deeply about things and life in general, more than I ever did before.
Then a couple of years later, I came across a letter from an old high school friend who was killed in Vietnam. Here was this young man, who was half way across the world, fighting for something he probably did not understand, and his life was wasted before it even started. He would never know what it is like to fall in love, hold his first newborn child, or have a life.
It was at that point that I became a little ashamed at my bitterness and I probably even shed a tear or two. Why was I allowed to live and he had to die?
It was at this point that I felt very humbled and began to realize that life is so precious and can be taken away so easily that my troubles seemed so small.
And I thought of an old worn out cliche that is so true, "life is not fair."
That is so true. Life is not fair, but we have to deal with it. What alternative do we have? In prison we used to play a lot of Spades. You always had to play with the cards you were dealt. There was no re-deal. Life is like that.
To be able to heal, at some point a person has to realize that he or she is BIGGER than the event that caused all the problems. That he or she will conquer this. That he or she does not want to be defined as a "victim".
I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom about life after going through my experience. I was able to rise above it.
I never went to a therapist, although I think they are great. Many times they can see a situation from a different angle than you can. Sometimes we, as victims, cannot see the forest for the trees, so to speak.
Now I am a support person for inmates, their families and anyone else connected to the criminal justice system. I work for prison reform and things to help the families of inmates. I work with my dear friends over at "Families of Sex Offenders," and "Families of Prisoner" to make things better for them. And of course, I am very interested in the area of injustices, as was involved in that.
Of course, helping others empowers me as I know I am helping someone improve their life. I think victims of an injustice are better served getting involved in some movement as it give them a purpose in life and takes their mind off their problems, especially when they see others suffering so much.
I advise victims to get involved with a project as I have or get involved with something like the Salvation Army or any project that helps others. Why? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves as human beings and it increases our self-worth to know we are helping others. And it is difficult to keep someone down for long if they feel good about themselves.
I hope my story has at least made a few people think. I KNOW this is a very difficult road. I can think of nothing worse that being convicted and sent to prison for a crime you did not commit.
The good thing is that there is HOPE. Trust me, things get better.
It reminds me of an old song I listen to once in a while that says, "Ain't no such thing as always." Everything comes to an end, even the bad times.
rewdiazepam
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
It is important to realize that as long as we can retain our dignity and self-respect, we can pull out of this. Dignity is a funny concept. Nobody can rob you of your dignity unless you give them permission to do so. Don't allow other people to do that!!!
Once you lose your dignity, your self-respect will follow. At that point, it is much more difficult to recover.
Don't forget, you are a human being, and you are WORTHY. Each and every person here MATTERS. Don't allow people to make you feel any different.
And sometimes we have to go on the offensive and get a little aggressive to ward off these people who would want to ridicule us. It is OK to do that---in fact, it is healthy. No, I do not mean physically attack them or break the law, but let them know that you will not take abuse from them.
The first week I was home after being released from prison, I was at Wal Mart. This lady I had known for years came up to me and begin talking about my "crime." She mentioned how awful it was, and blah, blah, blah.
I could see that she was trying to give me "the business" so I looked her right in the eye and said, "I went to prison for eight years for a crime I did not commit. Do you have a problem with that?"
She stammered and looked at the floor and said, "Well, no..." I said, "Good, then we won't have any problems then."
You have to have backbone sometimes to face these cowards.
rewdiazepam
Judy Collins said "Through pain and suffering the God of surprises has given us a powerful, poignant way to change and grow"... You've embraced these words
I couldn't agree more with your outlook on life... I'm so sorry for the terrible injustice that you had to endure for all of those long years... You've turned a 'scar into a star' and what you're doing for so many others is an incredible gift..
I've found the adversity in my life has been my greatest lesson... There's several things that I wish had never happened in the first place however using pain as a tool has made it a power tool..
I don't know if you've ever thought of it but you'd be a really great speaker!... I used to be a public speaker for the Mood Disorder Assoc of Ontario and it was a wonderful experience... You reach a lot of people
Big hug for you and a blessing rew... Thank you...x
This latter example is what I've gone through. It wasn't just one incident where a girl/woman falsely accused me or threatened to in order to abuse and/or coerce me. I've experienced these unpleasant situations multiple times over the years and it took its toll on me.
I attempted to be strong and brush it off or move pastvit all in the beginning, but you can only do that for so long when people keep deciding to target you with false accusations. After a while I started losing my sense of self worth and self confidence because it was constantly being torn out from under me, and when it feels like the system is being turned against you like a weapon that you can't fight back against without being labeled a "bad" person it's hard not to start questioning if you really are just somehow inherently "bad".
It is though adversity when our mind and soul is pushed to the brink that we learn so much about ourselves. Through adversity we start to ask ourselves the hard questions and face realities we had never faced before. It is through adversity that we sometimes have to come to grips with our mistakes in life and learn how to correct them. We learn to be honest with ourselves, even if it is not always pleasant.
I firmly believe that adversity builds character and it is only through tough times that we truly learn how to live and appreciate life. We learn to grow as human beings.
And one thing for sure is this----what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
rewdiazepam
"What doesn't kill you will make you stronger" is true. When I find myself holding onto anger, guilt, shame, embarrassment, I put the picture of me standing in front of the mirror making silly faces to break that pattern. I agree with adversity being the best teacher, Sun, because learning to honor ourselves even when we discover that we do unpleasant things that we can still move forward and step up from the mistakes, learning to change the pattern so the thought changes.
Thank you for sharing. It makes a positive difference, and helps everyone to see the way it can change.
Certainly being wrongly convicted ....serving 8 years imprisoned and then moving on to live a life must have been a real challenge rew to say the least
SW I don't know your story....I did read the journal that you mentioned and I see that there's been a lot of pain living with your Mother.... I don't know if she's the source of what's been going on in your life or if you want to disclose it
I will say this though... I know that you can never change anyone other then yourself.... We can do a lot of hitting our heads against the proverbial brick wall trying
You said you can't afford an apt however perhaps you could afford a room?....If things are this bad what about going to a shelter??... There's often other services offered at shelters and you could save enough money to afford a room... They may have a social worker available that can help you with other things with mental health
I know it's really hard to make changes when in a depression however taking small steps can help you to that next place... I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now...
I really liked to read what you wrote on here about the history of your situation and how you turned it all around. I knew some, but not all.
Rew, you are definitely a godsend on DS to me and many others, and I am glad you turned out ok after such a horrible ordeal. AND loved what you said to that woman at Wal mart. Oh I love to put them in their place when they say stupid and horrible things.
I have a new friend who is in a bit of trouble and will be going to jail for 3 months, soon. On the Huber thing, where you can work, but go back at night. She had told a couple people. One woman said something negative to her, so she put her in her place, BUT says now she really keeps it quiet. She asked why I even mention to people that my fiance is in jail, and aren't I afraid of what they will say to me?
I said NO... sometimes I purposely do it, to test them, as to what kind of person or friend they are. They have no business judging me. If they are nice and supportive, then they are worth talking to or having in my life. If they say idiotic and cruel things, I BLAST THEM. People have no right to judge us or those we love. They don't know the circumstances, they shouldn't give their 2 cents. SO I GIVE THEM ALOT MORE if they say a word negatively about him, or me loving him.
Rew is a awesome man. We are so lucky to have all his wisdom, and his friendship on here.
Best wishes, and thank you, each of you, for all you do to encourage hope to everyone!