Support and Chronic Pain Community Group
Welcome! This room is for CP/IP survivors. This room promotes fun, family, support and compassion. No Drug Seeking Posts or Promoting of such activities are allowed here. Please, No "F" Bomb--keep swearing to a bare minimum. No posts that are "fighting" with another person/group on this board or another.
Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
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Laughter is good medicine. If you have a joke or can find a good one somewhere post it here and give us all a dose of medicine.
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laughter is good medicine. If you have a joke or can find a good one somewhere post it here and give us all a dose of medicine.
My sense of humour is broken.
No, wait, I can still laugh...so it must be my mind.
Without skipping a beat he said, "Paint my house?"
In order to gain admittance, a prospective Heavenly Soul must answer three questions:
1. What are two days of the week that begin with "T"?
2. How many seconds are in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered:
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
3. God has two first names, and they are Andy and Howard.
Saint Peter said, "Ok, I'll buy Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer I expected. Technically, your answer is correct. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year and why do you think God's first name is either Andy or Howard?" Forrest responded, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, and so on."
"Ok then, I give," said Saint Peter. "But what about God's first name?"
Forrest said, "Well, from the song...Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own...And then from the prayer...Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name..."
Saint Peter let him in without another word.
When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"
I just watch the goverment and report the facts!
Will Rogers
1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
2. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
7. If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't.
8. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say:
Enter Password Now.
9. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit.
10. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
13. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.
14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
And last but not least
15. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
First, she wanted to be cremated and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit twice a week.