Hi Everyone,

(This is a long post, if you are up to a long story...cool, if not catch this one later!)

That's what my doctors say to me...that I have a lot going on. I have a lot of challenges like all of you. I am working daily at gaining peace and joy in my life. I've been ill for a long time. My list of illnesses is long and it impacts my life, but it no longer owns me like it once did. I have let a lot go and now I live quietly and simply.

My health issues have ended my career and I have dealt with the loss of many people along the way because I could no longer keep up with my former self. I am currently on LTD and working on getting SSA disability.

I have Ankyllosing Spondyllitis, Barrett's Esophagus, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Degenerative Disc Disease, Fibromyalgia, Gastroparesis, GERDs,Insomnia, Hypertension, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Menopause, Migraines, Osteoarthritis, Sjogrens Syndrome, Sleep Apnea, Thyroid Disease (hypo) and there's more, but that's a pretty good start for the primary illnesses.

They were not all diagnosed at the same time, I got really sick in 1998 and by the end of that first year, their were 9 or 10 illnesses on my dance card and a lot of medicines and supplements in my pill case.

I also have problems with a tear in my left knee, torn rotator cuffs (both shoulders), deep vein thrombosis, kidney stones, pulmonary embolisms and superficial thrombosis.

I have had them simultaneously, separately, had a mountain of procedures, physical therapy, coping therapy and been hospitalized. I am sensitive to medication, can't take anything in the opioid family of pain meds, foods, preservatives, salt & msg hypersensitive.

When I first got ill, I was in year two of a second marriage after being single for many years. Not long after the first terrible Chronic Fatigue Syndrome flare hit and with each subsequent diagnosis my mate withdrew support, compassion and finally left...he said he did not sign up for this, wanted the other girl back and couldn't handle it. I had to sell my home, because I could no longer handle stairs on a daily basis, had to buy a different vehicle, (my car was sporty, low to the ground, a 5-speed...had to get a lady sedan). I went through the separation, handled the divorce proceedings, cut my budget in half and went to live in MONGA. Middle of Nowhere, GA. At the time I was very ill, stressed, depressed and too sick to house hunt. I bought my home over the internet and did not see it until I was able to drive there after the fact...the agent I used met most of the needs on the list. It was not a perfect situation, but I did the best I could.

The master was on the main floor, but the yard was huge. One that I could not maintain...at the time real estate was very pricey. I needed a much smaller house with low overhead...found it! Went about the business of making lemonade out of lemons. Stopped asking what's next, because there was always a next...

Not long after moving here, my son was already away in college, my daughter was in middle school...I was having terrible pain and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. I had fibroid tumors, polyps and something else...can't remember, but I do remember the terrible pain. It threw me into immediate, early terrible menopause.
A severe case, got so hot that I actually melted the little paper jackets lined with plastic and had to have it peeled off of me by the world's kindest doctor...had severe mood fluctuations and it was righted eventually with medication...then had to be removed from that med because of other problems. I had to get someone to care for the yard, another expense. I worked long hours full time with a long commute in heavy traffic. I had a bad spell, but eventually started to feel better, level out. It was a difficult process finding out the right medicines and treatments. I went through many misdiagnosis, met some bad, impatient, uninformed, arrogant and bewildered doctors and eventually found my way to some very good, patient, kind and compassionate doctors.

I was in several bad car accidents, thrown from a car when I was 3, rear ended in a collision when I was 16, rear ended by a driver when I was 34...the last two were all at high rates of speed when my vehicle was almost completely stopped. I had a lot of problems from the car accidents resulting in many of the diseases that I have now. In addition to the DDD and AKS, I also have bone spurs, arthritis in areas as a direct result of the accidents, all the discs in my neck are bulging and a constant source of pain. The migraines are caused by the arthritis which moves up into the back of my skull, also a result from the accidents.

Not long after moving to MONGA I began falling a lot, my knee would suddenly just give out on me and I would pinball through the house. I would deal with one problem and then have new mysterious symptoms. I got all kinds of treatments and felt really discouraged, grieved for my old life and abilities. Some of the conditions were a result of heredity...I have other siblings, parents who suffered one or more of my illnesses. I did not know it at the time, I don't know if that is good or sigh, bad. It just is.

I went through strange rapid weight gains and then equally fast would drop the weight. It would fall off so fast that my children got really frightened. My son would make me a meal and then sit & anxiously watch me to make sure that I was eating...I had dropped 30 pounds in less than a month. I think they were afraid that I had cancer or an eating disorder. So much was changing for them. That was really hard, being confused, on the learning curve with them and not knowing what was going on was so difficult and scary for me and for them.

I was a skater, rode bikes, shot hoops, kicked the soccer ball, hiked, danced, sang in public professionally and was a very outgoing, gregarious woman. I worked hard and played hard. I loved to swim, go to the lake, had a big circle of friends and loved my demanding crazy career with an international association. I had to stop traveling so much, I had to stay on task, meet deadlines and had a terrible, but tenacious hold on keeping up. It resulted in frequent absences at work. I was very fortunate. I had a very understanding and considerate boss who was very worried about me, encouraged me to seek the best possible care. My life changed so dramatically, so quickly and I was lost for a long time.

I made a plan and the plan always had to be amended. I should have stopped working many years ago, but it never occurred to me that there was another way to live. I saw my life getting smaller and smaller, but did my best to remain working and to be the best parent I could. My doctor would just shake her head at my determination and yes, my own stupidity. She suggested several times that I stop and take a break, do something else that would be less stressful. Finally in June of 2010 she put her foot down and sent me home, benched me. I still was in denial, but finally wrapped my stubborn foolish, tired, seriously ill mind and body around it all. My 20 plus year career ended. The association announced that my early retirement. Got beyond the depression of thinking I would lose it all and started praying, meditating, asking for help from God...gave it all to him..my life, all of it for his care, his plan to guide me and give me peace. He makes the plan and I do the steps. He is at the center of my life now, he has guided me to another way, a better way of living...saved this sparrow and my sorry tail from an early expiration date... now my life is changing. I have peace, joy and yes I still have illness, chronic pain, but it does not own me.

I know that this is a really long post, glad it's behind me...sorry for laying it all out....currently I live alone with a sweet kitty for company and try each day to stay in a place of acceptance. To treat myself well, with respect, kindness and gentle tact. To learn how to walk this tightrope, to stay positive for all I get to do, not have to do.

Thanks for listening...I have been reading the chronic pain support forum for some time now and finally worked up the energy to share. This group has such feistiness, works on their situations in life and health, finds ways to laugh, encourage, support, listen and share...I'm humbled and in awe of all of you, your journeys, your stories, your love and concern for each other. Ya'll amaze me! Hugs and prayers for all who come here!