My nephew, Henry, died of SIDS at age 4 months and a few days old in Feb 2011. My brother and SIL decided (so planned) a few months later to try again. In Feb of this year, 2012 my SIL gave birth to an adorable baby girl who is now 3+ months old. We all love her. Although myself and family worry if SIDS will happen again. I am worried none of us will be able to handle another loss, especially to the same couple. None of us though said anything negative to my brother and SIL because she was already pregnant when they told us all about the planned baby so saying anything against another pregnancy so soon would obviously be stupid to say.
Sadly my SIL seems to want to stop talking about Henry and just move on. It almost seems like she wants to act as though he died from a freak accident..not sure if it is a good thing or bad thing just that is how she comes across. She actually requested that I remove all of MY pictures of Henry from my facebook account, except 1 or 2 pictures. To this day my brother has left his profile picture on FB as Henry so clearly they are not on the same page in the grieving process. I was upset she demanded I take down my photos and simply blocked her from viewing any of the photos anymore, since the issue was that she did not want these pictures appearing on her FB timeline (history) for others to see or I guess to remind her he isn't with us anymore. My family and I have kept our opinions to ourselves because none of us know what to say or what the "proper" way is for someone to grieve the loss of a child. So we all try to stay positive and do as my SIL wishes, for the most part.
We actually visit my brother and SIL more often now and they moved closer to her family and my side of the family. We all enjoy their new "rainbow" baby girl and deep down I think we all just hope that this baby lives and is happy and healthy cause another death would be so heartbreaking and terrible to imagine. I think people who care will always try to stay positive and supporting, even if they don't agree with your choice (as in my case of my brother and SIL). I welcome new additions to the family my only worry and honestly, fear is what to do if the unimaginable happens twice to the same people? Although I of course do not bring that issue up at all to anyone but my mother (the grandmother of the two babies I speak of) because I know she thinks and feels the same way I do.
I think whatever you and your husband/BF decide is fine, as long as you make the decision together about when and if to have another child. My SIL and brother only announced the 2nd pregnancy to close family, after 2 or 3 months pregnant. And then she waited until she was physically showing before announcing this pregnancy to coworkers/her boss and other friends. Although she never posted or wanted anyone to post pictures of her pregnant again online so I think she kept this pregnancy on the down low from everyone else she knew as long as possible. Not sure why but that is what she did so we all complied with whatever her wishes were.

I don't know if it matters whether you understand or approve...no offense. I know you have suffered a deep loss with the death of your nephew but a mother's loss is infinitely more complex. I knew I wanted to get pregnant again while my son was still in the hospital. I didn't make a decision, the decision was made....I just knew it was what I had to do. And, I got pregnant again quick and whether I had waited 3 months or 3 years - this would be a hard pregnancy and people would be scared (me included). And - I also didn't tell anyone in the first trimester. I told my immediate family at four months and others at 5. I just was too deep in grief to have any opinions - whether it was that it was too soon in some people's opinions, or the world's greatest blessing, or whether people thought it would erase my son Max from our minds. MY feelings were and are MUCH MORE COMPLEX. They aren't for anyone else to judge. When to have a baby, how to grieve a baby, how to parent, and how to love - those are all personal decisions. Thank goodness my husband and I have a loving a supportive family that are as excited for our new bub to make his entrance as they were when his big brother did. They know that this baby's life does not erase his brothers life or death. They continue to walk beside us no matter which way our journeys take us. Nobody - not a grandparent or an aunt or a neighbor or a best friends - can understand what it feels like to lose a child....even when their grief is huge. In the same way, no two people experience grief or life or anything else the same. Many times, it is biological....we are parents and in order to find a reason to keep living, we must be parents again. I would urge you to let go whatever negative feelings you have towards your SIL's process.

To Henry2010, about 6 months after i lost my only daughter to SIDS i requested that certain people take down picture of my precious baby off Facebook as well. I felt in a lot of ways that Facebook degraded my baby's memory because so many people would "like" the pictures on my friends' wall not knowing that my little baby had just gone to be with Jesus. In my mind, if my friends wanted to remember my little girl they could get a beautiful frame and remember Chloe in their homes rather than on such a fake place as Facebook. I agree 100% with Maxiesmomma. Parents that lose their babies to SIDS face fears that no one else can truly understand unless they have lost their own baby as well. We lost our baby girl October of 2010. My husband and I have been so fearful of trying again but we finally decided to ditch the birth control and truly Let Go and Let God. I'm praying God allows us another chance to be raise a child and that this time he/she will live longer than 3 months...

Well Its been a while since i Have really posted on here :( But I am pregnant --(almosst 12 weeks) We decided that once we moved to our new house and got settled we would stop using protection and just let God. Well our first month of trying-----:) I am prego :) But It is not as bad as I had thought it would be to be pregnant or the thought of having a newborn in our house again. I am very and excited to have a new baby to love and cuddle :) But on a heavier note--- Collins first birthday is next thursday --June 21 ---- So im very anxious as to what it will be like for us to try and "celebrate" him and hiss life without him here :( Then right around the corner is his angel day---july 30---Im even more scared for that day. Realizing this is the first of so many birthdays and angel days to come :( Its very overwhelming. So please say some prayers :)

That is wonderful news. I am expecting on July 25th, just 4 days after Maxie's "Angel Day". Holy cow! Life is incredibly complicated but I am proud of you for going for it. I know that for my family, it has been incredibly healing that I am pregnant again. Even though it is SCARY! Ok, but having said that, the excitement of loving someone else the way I loved Maxie has given me so much hope for the future and more faith in life than I thought would ever be possible again. Congrats.

Also, in response to Maybirdy - I took myself OFF Facebook entirely. The whole thing felt cheap. Writing about him, posting pictures of him. The whole site felt superficial to me and my life is just not big enough for "likes" and updates from other parents about their kids and photos of people's dinners. It was such a relief to be done with it. So, ya, I relate!

Aayden was my first child. I lost him 28 days after he was born.! Its a struggle everyday.! Some days I just feel alone and empty and then other days I feel good, you know like I'm finally moving forward.! But I wanted to have another baby as soon as I could, but that's not going as planned. I ready, I know I'm ready but I don't think my boyfriend is. I dnt knw if he's scared of history repeating itself or if he just needs more time. But I'm ready to be a mother again.! As for family and friends they're ready for us to have another baby thats all they ask when we gather together.! I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to holdout on not having more kids. It's eating me alive that the one thing that I really want I cant have. Will the feelings of emptiness ever go away.?