Next month on the 17th should have been my only daughter's first birthday. Sometimes I just find myself crying over anything, everything. I cry when I'm just driving down the street and have to pull over to calm down.
Knowing that I've been in this hell for almost a year is ripping open the old wound, I feel like she just died yesterday. I keep thinking that this time last year I was bloated and hugely pregnant, I remember the weight of her sweet little body in my stomach, I remember feeling her moving, rolling and kicking. I remember she wasn't moving as much during the eighth and ninth month, and how I didn't ever think for even an instant that she might be dying. That God could be cruel enough to take her away.

I don't know why I posted this. I haven't been on DS lately but I need you ladies now because this pain is becoming unbearable again. I can't make myself believe that this could ever in a million years happen to my baby girl. It still doesn't feel real. Help?