I don't believe that God killed our babies. I know that God could have intervened and saved our babies but chose not to. That is hard for me to accept and I have been angry with God. That's ok. He can take it and he will forgive me for this. I will never know the reason why Gemma died. I know what happened to her (torsion of the umbilical cord) but I will never know the reason God didn't save her. This is something I have to learn to accept and trust Him on this. I'm working on this :)

You don't deserve this and you didn't do anything wrong. Bad things happen. They just do and there is nothing anyone can do to stop them sometimes. We can spend all day wondering why other women have children when ours died but the fact is that these women make a choice to treat their children the way they do. God doesn't want women to abuse, abort, or neglect their children. They have free will and this is their choice. Again, no one knows why God allows these things to happen to innocent children but we have to trust His plan, if in fact these things are part of the plan. Sometimes they're not. Not everything that happens is God's will, but God is with us through everything that happens. There is evil in the world.

Only God can provide true comfort and peace. I physically feel uplifted by everyone's prayers. Prayer is helping me to get through my loss. You may not get answers, but you do find peace most of the time. God understands the pain of losing a child. Jesus came into the world, taught people how to live and love one another and God. He was kind and did wonderful things to heal and save people but what happened? People mocked him, then killed him...and in a horrible way at that. God knew what would happen to Jesus when he sent Him and he chose to send him anyways. Why? Because he loves us unconditionally and wants us to be saved. He wants us to be with Him in his kingdom to enjoy everlasting life with our babies.

Our mortal life here on earth is so short compared to our eternal life.
Are you certain that you will one day be in Heaven with your daughter? Living a good life is not enough. You must accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior in order to enter the kingdom of God.

I have questioned my faith during this painful journey. I have asked some of these questions too. I decided this. If I abandon ship now and lose my faith in God, then I abandon my belief in Heaven. If there is no Heaven, then my babies are not there and they are just dead. I cannot accept that. There is a lot of space between here and the sun and beyond that. It seems like a heck of a waste of space if there is no Heaven. Plus, I believe that God puts something in each of us that creates a desire to want to know Him. Whether you choose to or not is, once again, a choice. God wants you to choose him.

Faith and trust are hard. You don't know if the person you love will love you in return. You have to trust them with your heart. Aren't all relationships leaps of faith? Why not try to seek God? Would it hurt to go to a church and listen to His Word? Maybe a promise to at least try to find your way to God will give your fiance renewed faith in your relationship.

Try to listen to KLOVE radio online. Some people can relate to music better than listening to a sermon. Some pastors/priests are boring and can't reach an audience with a message. Sometimes you have to try several churches before you find a good fit. Try to pray. Even if you yell at God! Talk to him. He is always listening.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. I will be praying for you.

Your fianc shouldn't be using believing in god or not believing in god as an excuse to not have a child. He can choose to believe in whatever he likes, what's working for him as a coping mechanism isn't necessarily going to work for you. Don't feel pressured into it, if ur not into it, your not into it. There is no point in trying to make it work for the sake of having a child with him because chances are, once the child arrives, you will chose to go back to being 'yourself' and this will once again cause issues for you as a couple later on.

I don't judge people who believe in god. I dislike people who force it upon you, almost makes me wonder if its a 'colt' or a 'religion' (some can get alittle carried away). I like it that people can have 'faith' I think everyone needs to have faith in something, it's the niche that will get you through the difficulties life throws at you.

I guess you need to find ur niche.

Hi Motek18, I read you post and wanted to reply. You are in a very difficult position. I'm very sorry about that. It's hard enough to lose a baby but now this :( again very sorry. I met my husband in jr high and we started dating when we were 15. We lost our son 1/24/12 and before he was born we both didn't attend church or pay much attention to religion. We were both baptized catholic at a very young age but never kept up with religion. The day my son was born I swore to my husband that I felt gods presence in the delivery room. I was so scared because at that time we weren't sure if he was still alive or not but at the moment Michael came into this world I felt gods hand over me. I'll never forget that feeling. Total calm and peace. It was truly amazing and a week later I was determined to go to church to feel that peace again because I knew this would be a hard journey. I read the book called heaven is for real and my husband read it too. He wasn't against going to church but he also wasn't into it like I was. I felt I had found a way to help me cope but it bothered me that my husband wasn't as enthusiastic as I was about religion. It actually didn't bother me it scared me to be honest. We have a daughter here with us and a son in heaven and I was scared that we all wouldn't end up in th same place with our son.

It got to a point where I finally told him about my fears. I told him I wanted us all to go to heaven with Michael. I don't feel I forced my husband into religion because he had the choice to not participate. I don't think your fianc wants to force God on you but losing a baby is a life changing experience. Most people will find peace in God after a loss and when you find something so great you want to share with the people you love the most. Religion is a big deal. People raise their children with their values and religious beliefs. I think you husband believes that one must accept good to go to heaven and he wants that for his children. I don't think your guy is being a jerk and it would be good if u guys sat and talked this. This is pretty major and it's something that needs to be discussed.

I agree with gemsandjules in that I don't believe God took our babies from us. Going to church I understood that God is our father and we belong to him so how can he take something away that is his already. Yes you are her mother on earth but at the end he is our creator and Father. God loves us and he wouldn't do things to harm us. This world isn't heaven. Bad things happen to good people but it's not God doing this to us. It is ok to be mad at god because he understands how hard this is and will always love and accept us no matter what. I hope u n your guy find a way to figure this out and if you do decide to give church a try you may have to go to a few to try them out. We went to 5 different places before we found one that worked for both of us. Now we come home and talk about the sermon. We share our thoughts about the topics discussed in church. It's seriously so healing and it's made us closer. I can't tell you how many times I've sat at church and know I was meant to be there. The sermons were like they were written just for me. I honestly couldn't imagine feeling that and not having my husband next to me at church when it happens or to share ideas about God. Like I said religion has just allowed us to heal and get closure even more than before. I know how important having a baby after a loss is. I feel the same way about that but you also can't undermine your guy's feelings and beliefs about religion. I'd be nice if you could open up to some of your family to get their perspective on this.

Sending hugs and prayers your way! Hope this helps you.

Losing my son made me completely rethink my religious beliefs. The natural first reaction when something goes bad is to ask "Why did I deserve this?" or "Why is God punishing me?" I had already had my doubts about religion, but that experience really brought things to the forefront. I had trouble accepting the fact that God could take my son away from me. I don't believe that God punishes us or is that closely involved in our lives. I do believe in some sort of higher power but I don't think it is the one portrayed in Christianity. I finally came to the conclusion that in order for me to be close to God that I had to give up organized religion. But that is just me.

It sounds like your fiance is going through his own personal crisis. Maybe he feels like he did something wrong and needs to be forgiven? Maybe he feels that he will get redemption by attending church? I hope that the 2 of you can come to some sort of middle ground. If this continues to drive a wedge between you then you may not want to have kids together. Religion is a HUGE issue in a marriage and in raising children together. I hope that you can find support to help you heal. You may want to find a local support group or connect with something who understands your loss.

Hi Honey, first and foremost you are not alone. This journey has been the hardest thing we will probably ever have to deal with. It's been 7 months for me and I am doing the same thing as you, begging my boyfriend to have sex all the time to have another baby, believing that, that may be the only way to get over this pain, and I am constantly getting turned down so I know the disappointment you are feeling. But I do believe in God. I don't believe in church and I don't believe in hell. I believe as you do, that being a decent person here on earth is enough to get us all into heaven. I went to a psychic about Addy and she told me that our babies souls and spirits have the choice of coming back to earth or not and unfortunately they remembered how hard this world can be and just chose not to come back at this time. That for me has been the best way to deal with this. How can I be angry with my baby girl, I have to respect her decision cause I love her so much. How can I blame her this world is hard, people killing other people, drugs and money problems and everything else. I believe in my heart that I will have children, I try to keep a positive attitude about it, I mean what is being negative gonna get you, just bitter and angry. It's just not worth it. I think going to church is how your fiance is grieving and you need to find your way. Find what you believe in and find a way to deal with all this. I hope this helps. Always here if you need to talk.

There are so many great responses on here that I feel like I'm just repeating... but NOBODY deserves to be treated the way you are being treated. Religion is a very personal thing, each person is different. I think it's great when a family shares the same level of religious beliefs as it only makes a family stronger. Religion is also good at tearing families when one is trying to force the same beliefs on another, or uses religion as an excuse to do/not to do something. You support your fiance in his beliefs but he does not support you and it is affecting you in a very personal way that only a mother knows... essentially holding your ability to have babies with him hostage. In no way is that right or fair.

I believe we have all been angry with God at some point through our journey, that is a natural response. My friend's mom is a pastor at a church we went to before we moved and even she said that it is okay to be angry with God. We don't understand why He took our sweet babies to Heaven and why He lets others who seemingly don't care about their children keep theirs. I will always remember my husband when he met at the ER right after I found out our little girl no longer had a heartbeat... he fell to his knees at the side of my hospital bed screaming "why?! what did we do to deserve this!?" Like a scene right out of a movie... But what you are feeling is perfectly natural and we have been through it and still have those feelings from time to time.

Have you thought about going to a counselor to try to help with you and your fiance's relationship? You certainly do not deserve to be treated the way he is treating you (imo). My husband and I started off going once a week, then every other week, and now once or twice a month. It helps to have an outside view to try and help you work through your feelings and what you want to say while leaving the emotion out. I also have baby fever and when my husband didn't go in me (so sorry if too much info!) I cried. Just lost it. So I wrote him a note the next day trying to explain to him my emotions. There needs to be open communication in our situations, that's how our relationships stay strong and we get through these tragedies.

I really hope you are doing better, please take care of yourself. Please message me if you need to talk or need anything.

I do not want to be forced into a religion. And that's how I feel like he's doing to me. We fight all the time. And it seems like we haven't been happy since we lost her. I know it's partly depression, but now I have to rethink everything. It's frustrating and hurtful. I feel like I have no one around me that understands where I'm coming from or how I feel. All my friends are either pregnant or have kids. And I just look around and wonder why me? I have so many questions and no answers!