Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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Trying again after Stillbirth

AngelHayley2012
AngelHayley2012
I understand that to many, this thought is unimaginable, I certainly know that in the midst of my stillbirth and c-section recovery I too thought the same. However, time has passed and the reality of returning to work, and our 'new' normal life has set in. I sit here and ask myself what will make me happy and complete. I have a great husband, we aren't extremely weathly, but if we save we can buy the things we want. We have good jobs but will this all be satisfying enough for the future..My answer is no. I want to give my husband a chance at being a father, I know he will be great, and I too want to have that lifetime of mothering and devoting my life to my child/children, to be honest, money, work, holidays, whatever, I am ready to sacrafice it all for a healthy baby.

The OB has advised to try again as soon as possible. Personally, I cant imagine I am ever going to be ready for 9months of pregnancy after a stillbirth, just like I thought I would never be able to live if I had a stillborn. The reality is, I am still alive, and you just manage to cope, because you have no choice but to cope.

The only advice the OB has given me is to take a low dose Asprin, three weeks before trying and for the whole term of the pregnancy. There is no proof to the concept of this helping however it could assist with thinning of the blood which in turn helps prolong the life of the placenta. Has anyone else heard of this? There was no known cause for the stillbirth so this certainly will not guarentee to fix the problem that existed. So there is a chance I could have another stillborn. Does this seem irresponsbile to you? That I am going to try again and could jepardise another life?
Other than take the asprin and see a perinatologist, this is all I can do, this is all I have control over. I did everything right (textbook) the first time and it failed.

I look foward to anyones advice, feel free to tell me I am crazy. I'd also like to hear from mothers who were courageous enough to try again.
Motek18
Motek18
I have been trying for 3 months now with no luck. There was no cause for my daughters death (so they say) I developed severe pre-eclampsia and instead of listening to my fears my Dr. ignored them. By the time she listened it was too late and Aubree was gone. I did everything by the books too. The best I can say is listen to your heart instead. Your heart and gut are usually more right than anyone else in this world.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand your fears. We don't know for sure what caused Logan, my baby boy 's death. The doctors have gave me many possibilities but nothing concrete.

I think anyone who trys to have another baby after losing one is a very Strong woman. I am 28 weeks pregnant with another baby and I dont feel strong at all,but I know it takes a lot of courage and strength to go through another 9 months of not knowing what will happen.

For me it was something I felt very strongly about , I just had to try again for another baby. I knew it would replace my Logan, nor would I want the baby two because there is only one Logan. So I know this will be totally different and I will carry the sadness of my baby's death with me forever.

Like the other Poster said, you know what is best for you. If you feel in your heat that you want to try again then go for it. Im not going to say it's easy, it's very scary being pregnant again. But we just have to have faith that this time things will be different.

if you need anything I'm here!
:)
deleted_user
deleted_user
oops, I meant this next pregnant wouldn't replace Logan! :) Sry for the confusion.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband and I just decided to start trying again as well. The first month, I had what can only be classified as a complete and utter MELT DOWN. But I know myself and I know that I will never be ok with giving up at this point which sounds like it would describe you as well. I know that the longer I wait, the more these fears will settle in and the harder it will actually be. Just remember that you are NOT jeopardizing the babies life, you are attempting to create it. Without you there is no life to begin with! Stay strong, message me if you need a shoulder!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would like to confirm that you are NOT crazy =) and I don't think it's unimaginable or irresponsible for you to want to try again. Since you did nothing to jeopardize your angel's life in the first place, I don't see you possibly doing anything to hurt a future child.

I am not courageous enough to try again right now! But, maybe someday I will be and it doesn't mean I'm nuts. I know nothing will replace Samuel. I know I did everything I could to have a healthy pregnancy and would do the same for another one and so will you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't think you are crazy either. My fiance and I want to start trying again as soon as my doctor says its ok. I'm scared to try again, but I think that natural. I'm sure I'll be a nervous wreck until the baby is born, but it will be worth it in the end. Its been 3 1/2 weeks since we lost Oliver, but honestly, if we could try right now I probably would. I know a new baby won't take the place of him, but I've wanted kids so badly, as has my fiance, so we'll try again as soon as we can. Good luck to you and know that whatever you decide to do is the right decision.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I tried almost immediately after my Ethan died. My OB told me the same thing. We lost two more babies within two years (early miscarriages). I was worked up for a blood clotting disorder. The results were inconclusive, but I was given aspirin with my next pregnancy and I had a successful pregnancy. And then three more, all on aspirin and seeing the perinatologist. I have four beautiful children living with us now, and three in heaven. None my living kids takes the place of any of my kids in heaven, they will be missed until we see them there, but I sure am glad we kept trying. Those were some really hard years, but we lived through them and have no regrets. We named our early miscarried babies, too. Rae and Adriel are in heaven with their big brother Ethan. All my kids know that they have a big brother in heaven and two other siblings there with him. They ask about them all the time, want to see their pictures, include them in their prayers. It is precious and bittersweet. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Take heart. Take your time. You will know when you are ready.
stellasms
stellasms
I lost my 3rd child at 18 weeks 5 days for unknown reasons. My son was born with the cord wraped around his neck and that is what some say caused it yet others say no so I will not know for sure. After my loss I was torn I had 2 healthy girls and so wanted a son. 3 months latter I found myself preagnat. I was terified that it would happen again and wanted to do everything I could I took baby asprin 4 mg folic asprin b-6 and b-12 in addition to my pre natal vit. he was born a happy healthy baby now then 6 months after that I consived my 2nd son who also was born healthy. I will not say it is a easy road nor will i say that I was relaxed through preagnacys after my loss but I will say that it is the blessings that come. Just remember that the baby you lossed will never be replaced you will always have hurt from there loss but you can see the joy in another preagnacy
AngelHayley2012
AngelHayley2012
Thank you ladies, hearing your stories and opinions is helping me to think positive and stay positive. Some days my head still gets the better of me, and if I dont focus on being extra strong on those days its easy to spiral in a negative direction. I will stick with the asprin and have faith in falling pregnant and delivering a screaming, healthy baby brother or sister for our angel.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It may be crazy that after only 2 days I am waiting for the day I can try again. But it is nice to see that the feelings I am having are normal and I am not alone in wanting another ASAP.
deleted_user
deleted_user
So not crazy. I totally get this. My husband and I have enough money, we've had success at our jobs..and still what we long for, what has always been my heart's desire,is a family life with children. I miss my Kara every second, but I don't think she would want me to give up on having a child here on earth to mother. Yes I am terrified of having another stillbirth...but I try to focus on the fact that if God allows me to get pregnant again He will give me the strength I need to get through the pregnancy.My prayers are with you.