After everything I have endured these past 4 months, I have finally come to realize what I need to do. After my husband admitted he wasn't over his ex and unsure of whether he wants to continue committing to me, I realize now more than ever, I need to get myself better inside and out.

Last night I went into my baby's room and picked up her tiny pink urn and just held her. I told my baby how much I loved her and missed her. I told her that it was time for mommy to begin healing and start to move on in a positive light. I told her that this was not a "good bye" but simply a "see you later" and that I will one day see her and hold her again. I asked her to give me the strength it takes to get through the coming days. I gave her a ton of kisses, set her down, and then began to place all her belongings away in the cabinet. It was painful but I need to start the healing process. It's going to begin with me going back to the gym and getting myself physically fit, once this is accomplished, then can I start to heal mentally and emotionally. Hopefully, feeling good will start to make me feel good about myself again. I didn't get much sleep like most days, but I got up this morning with a better view of life. This is a new beginning for me angel mommies. Please wish me luck.