Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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michaelamommy 09/01/2010

I used to love watching the tv show "19 kids and counting" and right after my loss I watched reruns all the time because it actually comforted me. Lately, however, I can't stand it. I often wonder if the mom had any miscarriages. How can she have had 19 chilren and never had a miscarriage while other women have one or more losses within a few years? I guess that's a question I shouldn't be asking because it's God desire, but I can't help but think to myself of how unfair that is. I've had a m/c and a stillbirth in the last 15 months, thankfully I have a 6y/o son.
I keep telling myself to not envy what other people have and that I will have another child someday to keep me going.
The Duggars are very blessed, even their littlest one who was born at 25wks gestation survived, I lost my baby @ 27wk and can't help but think that she could've made it. I wonder how they would deal with a loss or do they even have any idea what can go wrong as we parents of loss have learned.
I was just wondering if anyone else watches that show and what you think about it. Am I wrong to feel jealous or feel that life's unfair?

deleted_user 09/01/2010

Not wrong at all! I'm jealous of people who have ONE healthy baby. The only think I like about that show/family is that they seem to have well grounded kids, they can provide for their children, and they are happy. It's people who can't or don't care for their children (no matter how many they have) that upset me.

But it's totally normal to be jealous. And it's not that you are just feeling that life is unfair, but we all have had to realize that life IS unfair.

One of my friends paraphrased a quote that helps me put things in perspective it went something like "expecting that bad things won't happen to you because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you are a vegetarian"

You're feelings are totally normal!

deleted_user 09/01/2010

I could be mistaken but I think I remember that their first pregnancy ended in misacarriage and after that they made a vow to accept any and ALL children!! To gladly welcome any child conceived and they do feel each is a blessing. I don't watch it, but my 14 yr old loves it!!

deleted_user 09/01/2010

ch62810 i konw how u feel. i work in a jail and i c women who are methodone and in late pregnancy. when i was i pregnant i didnt think about drinking and i never picked up smoking. why me and not them.not that they deserve it but its unfair. why did it happen to me? crack heads((excuse the expression) get pregnant and bring babies in the world sick beacuse of them. ill never understand.

deleted_user 09/01/2010

I was addicted to the show during my pregnancy with Hope and havent watched it since (like many of the things I used to do and won't do anymore for that reason). I do believe I heard in one of her things that she did have a few miscarriages, and that was why they waited a certain amount of time before they told people they were pregnant. I know what you mean about it being hard to see other people. I had four healthy normal pregnancies before I had my miscarriage last year and my stillbirth a few months ago. I like most of you have a hard time seeing other pregnant women and new babies. This probably sounds dumb, but when I see pictures of my own babies it makes me sad, it just reminds me that I'm never going to have that moment with her, never going to be able to put her in that outfit, or blanket, or toy, or hold her like that. I think that is just our lot right now, and we have to avoid those things that remind us of our losses.

deleted_user 09/01/2010

They have suffered a miscarriage, at least one, maybe two.

I too used to watch this show, I can't anymore. I know that Josie was due less than a month before my Landon, and when she was born, I just had a feeling that I would be in that position, and just like Michelle Duggar, I developed severe pre-e... only mine was at 35 weeks instead of 25... but it killed my baby. I've lost the only 3 pregnancies I've ever had - it just makes me wonder why, why me...

rememberingemily 09/01/2010

I started watching this again. I did before I was pregnant, but I took a long break after Emily died. If I remember right, it seems like they had one miscarriage, between their oldest and the twins. Or maybe it was before the oldest, I'm not positive.

I was so mad at them right after Emily. Seriously, they get to have 19 kids....and I can't even have my one here!?!?! It's not fair. But no one said it was. And now the way I look at them - they're good people. They have enough money to care for themselves, they have their beliefs, they're supportive of their community, and generally a good family, from what it looks like. If anyone is blessed enough to have 19 children, at least they're not a burden, not on welfare, not on drugs, all that.

But along with you, I'm still JEALOUS!!!!!

deleted_user 09/01/2010

You know what's so funny I was just thinking about them the other night. I don't watch their show but of course I have heard about them and I know that she just recently brought the baby home. I was wondering when she had the baby because I knew she was a preemie - and I kept thinking "why did her premature baby survive and mine didn't; if something could be done to save her baby then couldn't they have saved mine"? It's a lose-lose battle though because either way I'll never know. And besides we don't know what health issues her baby might be facing because she was born so young.

deleted_user 09/01/2010

I too remember them saying early on in the show that they accept any child God gives them becasue of the loss of their first pregnancy. Im not sure how far along she was when she lost the baby but they blambed themselves for it because they had used birthcontrol. I love this show and enjoy watching it and it warms my heart that their children believe like they do that All Babies are a miracle.

michaelamommy 09/02/2010

I'm glad that I'm not the only one that has some sense of jealousy. I do beleive that if anyone deserves all those beautiful children it's the Duggars. I still watch it from time to time because their optimism is contagious and they bring me hope that I will have another baby to raise for the Lord.

deleted_user 09/02/2010

I'm not a fan of these people at all; and felt that way long before my son died.
If every woman on earth was to have 19 kids, there would be no more resources, and you wouldn't be able to turn a corner without bumping into another human being, or a landfill.
They're selfish, self-righteous people.
My opinion? The Duggar father should use a condom. If "God" truly wanted this couple to have more children, that small piece of latex wouldn't stop that from happening.

tkizer 09/02/2010

I am a fan of them. If only the world were populated with the type of people that they are raising, the world would be a nicer place. I don't have a problem with them having lots of children. That's their choice. They chose to have as many children as God would grace them with after losing their second pregnancy to miscarriage.

I didn't have a problem watching their show after the loss of my angel as I felt like they too had suffered through a pregnancy loss. I was only resentful/jealous of those women/couples that never had any problems. I did have a problem watching all of those birth shows on TLC though. I've only recently been able to watch those.

It is so unfair that we have gone through these tragedies, and yet less deserving people get to have their babies without any problems. Why does a drug addicted teenager get to have a healthy baby and my angel was chosen to die? It's not fair.

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