Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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SophiasMom2010 12/07/2011

hey everyone.
Well yesterday I had to help my 69 year old dad go shopping for my nieces and nephews. It wasn't too awful, because I have bought toys for the kids in the last year and it got easier every time. but yesterday...

I don't know!! Maybe because I was looking at all the gifts I would want to buy my babies (if they were here), and when we got all the presents saying "that's all the kids!!" when really it wasn't.

You know even when we were done and I said "I can't believe you have 6 grandkids" it stung like hell cuz I was thinking "it should have been 8."

It should have been 8!!
I should have my kids and they should have a ton of presents and there should be decorations all over my house and plans to visit family and who's babysitting on new year's eve. I should be pregnant with my 2nd kid and Sophia should be running around learning about Santa and Rudolph. What a miserable awful horrible Christmas this is going to be.

lmnmama 12/07/2011

i hear you on this. i still have such a hard time going out shopping... i have 2 boys, but every time i see girls stuff, clothes, toys, etc its hard, especially with christmas coming, thinking of the thing i would have been getting her for her 1st christmas :(

i also always feel like shes being left out...which i know isn't really the case, but it still feels that way. Christmas cards that don't have her name, family pictures shes not in, etc.

i'm so sorry you are feeling these things, but know you aren't alone, and i'm thinking of you ((hugs))

deleted_user 12/07/2011

Something that helped me...I picked out a gift that I would have bought for David with plans of donating it to Toys for Tots. My family members did the same and gave all of them to me to take. It may sound silly but it helps me to think that my David is helping another child's Christmas to be a little brighter. It also helps to think that I am helping parents to give their child a Christmas morning that I cannot give to my own. Next year we will adopt a family. It's nice to think that David has opened so many hearts. I know toys are hard, but this helped me to look at them a little differently. I pry you, and all of us, find comfort.

deleted_user 12/07/2011

You are doing better than me. We don't have a tree up or any lights outside. We put a few things in the house and that's it. We haven't even started shopping for Samantha (she's my bonus daughter. I don't like the word stepdaughter). I know that we can't forget about Christmas for her but I just don't have the desire or energy to do anything. I did get a little Christmas spirit when I went and put a pointsetta on the grave today. I'm hoping that I will start to get into it. This used to be my favorite time of the year and I have never in my life not had a Christmas tree. I think the holidays are extra hard for mommies like us.

deleted_user 12/08/2011

I am with you on this!! I lost my little girl last Christmas and I just wish I could skip this entire month. I've not put any decorations out. I can't bare to see them.

My sister just had her first baby on Sunday. My brother posted on his facebook page that his is now an uncle. It broke my heart to see that he didn't already consider himself an uncle. I feel your pain and wish there was something we could do to ease it.

((HUGS))

deleted_user 12/08/2011

I am so very sorry. It's completely unfair that you don't have both your children with you. I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this Christmas - and the same goes for all the other Moms, Dads and family members who are suffering their losses this year.

raefin - your post made me cry. What an inspiring idea! I think I will do the same this year, and every year after for the age my Angel would be. It's so hard but also so important to find a way for positive light to shine through all this darkness.

deleted_user 12/08/2011

It's really hard not to dwell on the "should bes" especially at this time of year. Eleanor should be here soaking up copious amounts of attention. We should be oohing and awwing over how cute she would be now (almost 6 months) and all the new things she would be learning - instead of oohing and awwing at how beautifully her dad and aunt decorated her resting place for Christmas....

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