Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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SophiasMom2010 09/10/2011

Can I ask something that is grating on my nerves a lot?
Why is it that if a baby lives for even an hour outside the womb, everyone says that you are a grieving mother? Why do people allow parents to be broken by losing a baby as long as he/she has taken an independent breath, but my baby could have been born any moment, she was full term at 38 weeks and since she died inside me people act as though it was a miscarriage and I should be "over it"?

I might not have ever seen her eyes but I still lived with her soul in my body everyday, she was still my daughter and I am still her mother. I still lost a child, even if she never took a breath outside of my body. You know what I mean?

nasnye 09/12/2011

I have a death certificate and a birth certificate resulting in stillbirth. Regardless of the outcome, I had a baby. Had my concerns been taken seriously, she would be here right now chasing after her brother and sister. But, I trusted my doctor and against my better judgement, took a medicine increase... after the second dose my daughter was dead.

Education is the key. We must show people our babies with pride.

SophiasMom2010 09/13/2011

That's another thing I couldn't believe. You know it's almost impossible to sue a doctor for malpractice for negligence resulting in the loss of our babies because they're not technically "people" yet. WTH? I have a cheap word template saying "in recognition of the life of Sophia Grace Newell" but I'm not allowed a birth certificate or death certificate? I GAVE BIRTH TO HER SHE WAS TOTALLY HEALTHY if it weren't for a single stupid blood clot in the cord she would be here running and playing. It's unbelievable how they treat us sometimes. HUGS I LOVE YOU ALL THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSES, the only way we can survive this is to support one another and be able to vent to each other, and you all made me feel so much better. :)

deleted_user 09/15/2011

Great post. We're with you. It's hard to believe some people are so insensitive.

deleted_user 09/17/2011

I totally know what you mean...I finally went to see a therapist. Boy did I choose the wrong one. She actually had the gall to ask me what I think Ben might have looked like. My response was, "um, I know...I delivered him, held him, kissed him and told him how much I love him." Needless to say, I haven't gone back to her...

The other thing that urks me is when people say they know what I am going through because they miscarried at six weeks. I try to tell myself a loss is a loss, but really...it is totally not the same thing.

deleted_user 09/19/2011

Sadly, I don't think any of us our immune to stupid comments. My daughter was resucitated at birth and lived one day in the NICU before passing away. I had someone who I considered a good friend say, "So was her (my daughter's) death considered a miscarriage??". Seriously? Seriously? You saw me waddling around at 9 months pregnant, you've seen SEVERAL pictures of my 9 pound baby girl. How would you EVER mistake that for a miscarriage? And yes, a loss is a loss, but I feel frustrated with the stigma that comes with the way people talk about my baby's death. Like it was an inconvenience that I should be over by now.

I'm sorry for all of you other moms dealing with this too.

deleted_user 09/19/2011

I meant to add, I'm sorry for any dads reading this too, that are experiencing the insensitivity. I know my husband is also having a heard time with people not recognizing that he is hurting too.

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