I know exactly what you mean. As mothers, we are the only people who ever know our babies alive and happy. We are the only people who can miss them completely.

Someone actually said to me. Well at least he wasnt full-term that would have been really hard andyou would have been really attached. Plus you'll never know who he might have looked like. It makes me mad. I attached. It is hard,and everytime I look at my husband I do know who he would have looked like. He kicked,He liked some foods and didnt like others. Maybe in just my mind he had already formed a personality. I say it all the time. Unless someone has gone through they will never know.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that only full term moms would understand. I was just venting about my own situation. I honestly believe that it doesn't if you were full term or only a few months in, we still love our babies and it's not fair that we're not given equal treatment as mothers.

Oh I know. Im just saying people are ignorant. I understand. Ive learned the hard way.

I had someone say to me, "Well it must be easy to get over since your baby really didn't live." Can you believe that!!! First of all, I felt my boy "living" for 9 months! Second of all, it's not just a child we're mourning but all of our hopes and dreams. I'll never get over it.

People can be so ignorant and insensitive. I just keep telling myself that these people aren't trying to be mean, they just don't understand. It still makes me mad, though.

Eventer00 plz tell me you hit whoever said that in the throat! Omg I can't believe how easily some people can say cruel things right in our faces! You baby lived, my daughter lived, we felt them we loved them and we know they loved us. It's not fair!

Yes, is it just me or I am I the only one who feels like I got kicked in the stomach when someone says " I heard about your miscarriage". At least you never got to know him. WTF? I hate the word miscarriage. Then I go out of my way to say- I delivered my son, his name was Dylan, I loved him just like I love my 3 year old. Je was stillborn. Look up the definition ass hole.

I am a dad who lost my son at 27 weeks and because he wasn't in me people don't think I have any connection at all. I felt like I knew him, he was my son, yes a dad will never be as close to their angel baby as mommy, but I feel like sometimes we get a double wammy. I know my wife thankfully understand.

i know exactly what you mean. to me, my baby was full term at 35 weeks, as my older son was born at 34 1/2 weeks, and matilda was bigger than him when she was born.
my now ex partner as you may of read said my son hasnt got a sister!!! i got so mad, so i told him therefore he didnt have a younger brother anymore as he died when he was 25, and he hit the roof and left me.
my well meaning friends were telling me to look at the positives, i was like 'what positives" ive just held a dead baby in my arms and ive lost the father too!!!' and they told me i just had to move on, one of these so called friends lost a baby at 21 weeks, but still has her husband. i will never move on from not seeing her eyes open, or seeing her going blue.
we are still mothers. you carried that child within you and felt her move and grow, you grew with her, you talked to her, she heard you voice and dads voice and everyone around you. our hormones have still carried on like we are mothers. dont ever let anyone tell you, you are not a mother, we are!!! end of!!! xxxxx

It's nice to see a dad on here. I know it must be hard when everyone asks how she is doing and just expects you to be strong for her. Like it didnt effect you. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
When I called the school to tell them my son Austyn wouldnt be at school for a few days because his little brother had died the principal actually said this to me. "Well we knew that you were pregnant. So was it just a miscarriage?" I said" Ugh,No he was born still,but what do you mean by "just" a miscarriage?" He says."oh,I'm sorry I didnt realize." Ugh yeah I'm sure you didnt asshole.

My sister actually just delivered her daughter at 21 weeks- had an infection in the amniotic fluid and was stillborn. Most people are just ignorant and don't understand what a loss that actually is. To our family, she's a daughter, granddaughter, niece, etc.... She was a perfect little angel taken way too soon. We are having a mass for her as well as a burial. My sister was able to hold her and they named her Ella. It is absolutely heartbreaking and devastating! I am so so sorry you are feeling this pain.

These are the kinds of thinking patterns I wish we could do something to change. Awareness is long overdue in this area because other people's ignorance will continue to bring unneccessary heartbreak for us and future angel mothers and fathers to come. Let's do our part to educate people who care enough to listen

I really know what you mean. Ashlynn was 41 wks and she could have been born at anytime. She could not take a take a breath because her lungs were gone because of infection. She died when they cut the cord.
I have been running into people looking at it like a miscarriage. People on facebook telling me that they had a miscarriage and know how i feel. Well they don't. They did not get to hold the baby for the first time while knowing it was the last time also. I dreamed of the day that i got to hold her and kiss her and hold her little hands. I still got to do all those things but it was to say goodbye, not hello.
I have at two miscarriages this is nothing like that pain.Its stronger and it will take longer for me to adapt to the hole is my heart.

You are right on and I totally get it! People really do think that because our children did not take a breath outside the womb that they are somehow less of a child and we should have an easier time dealing with their passing. I still had to go through delivery and post partum bleeding and have my milk supply come in just like these mothers and I miss my child and would give anything to be with him. I think its also horrible that I get the "Well you guys are young so you can just start trying again"...people are so rude and need to get educated.

This also frustrates me. While no one has dared say anything so rude as, "Get over it, she wasn't a real baby" I have sensed that some people feel that way. Some people have said it was a "blessing" she died before she was born because she may have had medical issues (although the doctors and autopsy showed she was perfectly healthy at 36 weeks!) or the other comment "everything happens for a reason"--I think both of those comments suggest that we were some how spared by having our babies die inside of us.

It doesn't help that the government doesn't recognize our babies as ever having lived. I live in NY, but my daughter was born in VT--I have no birth certificate or death certificate for her. I have a record from the hospital that says "Fetal Demise" What the hell? I have record of every doctor's appointment with her heartrate and ultrasound pictures. By law her body had to be cremated or buried--if she never lived or wasn't "real" then why did her body have be handled by a funeral home just like someone who had lived 100 years???

The whole situation is entirely frustrating; I take it upon myself to make sure as many people as possible know that June was a real person, but I hate that it takes so much effort to do so. Ugh!