Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Letter to Sophia
Hi honey. I guess I'm writing another useless letter to you. It's thanksgiving, 2011. I had a lot of hopes and dreams of you being 14 months old right now, celebrating your second Thanksgiving with your Daddy's family. I thought you would be a big girl right now, walking and running and driving me nuts.
I want you to know that I don't ever stop thinking about you. I always promised you that you would be my world, I guess my mind carried that promise past even your death. I dream constantly of you, but these dreams are never good. It's a dishonor to your memory but I guess it assuages my guilt to know I can suffer even years after you're gone. I have nightmares, honey, where you're dying. I have a split second of joy to see or feel you alive, and then all of a sudden you are choking, strangling or drowning, and all I can do is yell. I always wake up in a cold sweat, as corny as it sounds, I guess these dramatic authors have something right. I clutch your Daddy, always waking up saying Anthony, Anthony wake up baby I'm having a bad dream, honey hold me please. I wish...
I just wish. A lot of things. I wish I had saved you, or been better to you. I wish I had you here today. I wish, I wish, I wish. I wish I didn't have all these regrets. I wish sometimes I had never been pregnant. Then I hate myself for it. It's horrible, I know, but losing you was the worst pain I have ever felt, and living with the aftermath has proved to be the real struggle, realizing that most of the time I don't care about anything, and seeing how awful the world is without the one and only person in the world that I would have died or killed for. You came into my world completely unexpected and totally welcome, I never realized how much I needed you. All it took was one day for my whole world to collapse and leave me here gasping for air.
Please take care of your little brother or sister who came into the after-world recently. I didn't know that baby the way I knew you, but I know he or she will be safe with their big sister. Watch out for us sweetheart, until I can hold you in my arms again I promise I won't forget. I love you.
-Mommy
Hi honey. I guess I'm writing another useless letter to you. It's thanksgiving, 2011. I had a lot of hopes and dreams of you being 14 months old right now, celebrating your second Thanksgiving with your Daddy's family. I thought you would be a big girl right now, walking and running and driving me nuts.
I want you to know that I don't ever stop thinking about you. I always promised you that you would be my world, I guess my mind carried that promise past even your death. I dream constantly of you, but these dreams are never good. It's a dishonor to your memory but I guess it assuages my guilt to know I can suffer even years after you're gone. I have nightmares, honey, where you're dying. I have a split second of joy to see or feel you alive, and then all of a sudden you are choking, strangling or drowning, and all I can do is yell. I always wake up in a cold sweat, as corny as it sounds, I guess these dramatic authors have something right. I clutch your Daddy, always waking up saying Anthony, Anthony wake up baby I'm having a bad dream, honey hold me please. I wish...
I just wish. A lot of things. I wish I had saved you, or been better to you. I wish I had you here today. I wish, I wish, I wish. I wish I didn't have all these regrets. I wish sometimes I had never been pregnant. Then I hate myself for it. It's horrible, I know, but losing you was the worst pain I have ever felt, and living with the aftermath has proved to be the real struggle, realizing that most of the time I don't care about anything, and seeing how awful the world is without the one and only person in the world that I would have died or killed for. You came into my world completely unexpected and totally welcome, I never realized how much I needed you. All it took was one day for my whole world to collapse and leave me here gasping for air.
Please take care of your little brother or sister who came into the after-world recently. I didn't know that baby the way I knew you, but I know he or she will be safe with their big sister. Watch out for us sweetheart, until I can hold you in my arms again I promise I won't forget. I love you.
-Mommy
HUGS SISTER
I know how much it hurts you that I am not there with you. I am sorry that you have had to suffer so much pain. I wish it could have been different too. But I am in a beautiful place and I know just how much you love me and miss me. I know that by remembering me, even in your dreams, you are honoring me and showing your love for me. I know that you kept your promise and that I am always in your thoughts.
Mommy, I am watching out for the little baby, as you have asked me to, and I watch out for you too. I am with you in spirit every day. I love you, Mommy.
Your Angel Sophia