Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
I'm sorry for posting so much, but oh well.
Am I the only one who is feeling guilty for asking so much from my man? Sometimes I look at him and think, he could have had three or four babies by now, he doesn't have fertility problems and it's not him who has the responsibility to keep our babies alive. Sometimes I cry and ask him why he doesn't just go find a woman who can give him the babies he wants... But for some reason he loves me and wants to stay.
I know there are struggles in every relationship, but it seems that losing children is the #1 reason I have seen, I have seen so many marriages fail after losing a baby in the last year, and I'm just kind of wondering if anyone else is feeling guilty for putting their man through this crap, I know it's not my fault that I have lost my babies, but I feel like it's unfair to ask my boyfriend to commit to me knowing there is always the chance that I will never be able to give him the children he wants.. We were each others first loves, I fell in love with him when I was 12, but now all I want is to not see him crying or upset, I feel like I am the cause for his misery, and above all else I just need to see him happy, even if that means he has to be with someone else to have his family. Is that crazy??
Am I the only one who is feeling guilty for asking so much from my man? Sometimes I look at him and think, he could have had three or four babies by now, he doesn't have fertility problems and it's not him who has the responsibility to keep our babies alive. Sometimes I cry and ask him why he doesn't just go find a woman who can give him the babies he wants... But for some reason he loves me and wants to stay.
I know there are struggles in every relationship, but it seems that losing children is the #1 reason I have seen, I have seen so many marriages fail after losing a baby in the last year, and I'm just kind of wondering if anyone else is feeling guilty for putting their man through this crap, I know it's not my fault that I have lost my babies, but I feel like it's unfair to ask my boyfriend to commit to me knowing there is always the chance that I will never be able to give him the children he wants.. We were each others first loves, I fell in love with him when I was 12, but now all I want is to not see him crying or upset, I feel like I am the cause for his misery, and above all else I just need to see him happy, even if that means he has to be with someone else to have his family. Is that crazy??
Many couples succumb to the stress of a stillbirth and I imagine it is because of communication issues including, sometimes, the stereotypical male response of not wanting to deal with it. It seems you do not have that problem so yay!
Of course you want to be happy and have your loved ones be happy, but blocking people out because you think it will be better for them is not going to accomplish that. Your BF is a grown man and can make those kinds of decisions for himself, so you should recognize that his decision is to be with you no matter what! It is a tough road, but it will be that much easier if you can walk it together. Good luck. I hope, with time, you will see that you are not to blame and even if you always miss your baby you will find joy in other things again.
It's hard not to blame ourselves. But I think you should know, that no life on this earth goes without suffering. We all suffer here. It's just part of living in a random, chaotic, broken world. What you and your BF have is what makes life in this world worth living. He loves you and I know that he doesn't blame you.
The grass is not greener on the other side. It's just a different shade. I'm sorry, but sooner or later everyone suffers, in different ways, yes, but we all do. Even if he was with someone else and had babies around him - struggles would still come. Suffering finds all of us!! It just happens and it sucks. Life is no cakewalk - for ANYBODY. But you know and I know that the only reason to keep going is love. It's love that will reunite us with our children some day in heaven. Think of how big and beautiful your family will be in heaven!!
We are always here, to help pick each other up in these dark and tragic times. You'll find yourself, helping someone else out someday and it will mean so much more because of your personal suffering. Love and ((Hugs))!!