It's very hard Martha, I'm so sorry. Hugs to you

Martha mommy, I am so sorry. It's not a tough road to travel for any us. There are so many things around us that constantly remind us of what we lost and did not bring home. It's ok to cry. I have cried so many times at work and my co-workers know that it's just one of those days for me. I hope it gets better for you. Sending you lots of love.

I'm so sorry about what you are going through. I see things every day that trigger my attacks- pregnant women, babies who are being comforted and held by their parents, my sister being pregnant, even seeing MOVIES with babies or twins in it. Yesterday a song about a woman losing her son came on the radio on the Christian station my mom was listening to and I couldn't handle it. I had a panic attack that immediately went into an asthma attack. I had to put on my headphones and listen to something else. My sisters want me to go shopping with them when I can't stand to see baby clothes and that's what they are looking at. I'm not going to do it because I can't. I broke down seeing what would have been Ava and Phoenix's car seats at the store and everyone just stared at me like I was an idiot. It's so hard with all this going on. I feel so sad sometimes and so numb and empty the others. Last night I kept having weird dreams I woke up from feeling numb and also nightmares about losing my babies. I hate reliving this every day with flashbacks then feeling numb at other times, almost "forgetting" it happened, then feeling guilty for "forgetting" it momentarily to do something or concentrate on something. I felt sad scattering some of their ashes over a baby tree at the park with their daddy when no one knew what we were doing but us but peaceful as their daddy held and cried with me as he poured them onto the tree. I am feeling like my emotions are everywhere.

I know and this is hard and don't know if I would ever get over this . Know that some in the world in Miami you have a friend thinking about you. sending you hugs. We will get thru this

I feel like a Zombie waking in the streets.... Just lost in my own little world..... I can be fine some days.... But there us times that feel absolutely down..... Like last night I felt like I was going crazy....and having not good thoughts on my head at all.
Wish we were here in different circumstances.
Thank you all

I know what you mean. I'll be fine one moment, guilty for feeling fine the next, and then just breaking down out if nowhere. I wish I was okay. I just wish I could have my babies back. I have no other children and have had so many losses before this, and it was the furthest along I'd ever made it to. I'm so devastated and it's hard to talk about it. I find myself trying to find purpose in every little thing to the point where I am obsessive about distracting myself. The flashbacks are terrible, and I kept having disturbing nightmares last night. I can't even sleep without feeling disturbed or sad. It's so upsetting. I get what you mean by going back and forth like that with bad moments to good moments.

I feel mentally drained..... Empty hearted.... Life is just not the same..

Life will never be the same, but it will be good again, just different. Some day you'll wake up and not have to remind yourself to breathe, you'll be able to put one foot in front of the other without having to tell yourself to do it. I know Eli's one year anniversary is coming up pretty soon, know that I'm thinking of you and your precious little boy. Hugs to you.

I am so sorry you have to go through all this. I feel the same. Life has become so different and evn though at times I put up a smile on my face it has not been even a single day when I felt fine since i lost my son. Sending love for Eli and prayers for you take care.

I am so sorry Martha, it is really hard being an angel Mommy. I know its not the same, and wish you had your living breathing baby in your arms..but the truth is you do have Eli with you in spirit, nobody else in this world can claim ownership of being Eli's mom...dont let his physical absence rob of you that.
I am Sinza's mom, that is my previllege, no one else in all the world can lay claim on that.
Much love and strength to you my dear friend.
Celian

Thank you ladies....praying for all of u.

Have hope and faith that you will get your rainbow baby. Every day is not easy especially the road each one of us has to travel. But, we are all here for one another. Every day life will be a challenge for us because of daily triggers and reminders to us of what we have lost. We have one another and we will get through each day, one day at a time.