Mine has almost been two months, and yes it is very hard, I had the same thing I had three friends have there babies a few weeks after and they're find and healthy and I find facebook is very hard to look at because everyone is so happy with their kids and newborns. My son was my first child so I don't have anything besides my mom to be with me, the bf left me three days after the funeral. I am so sorry you have to feel this pain. I can't think of anything worse we have to go through. I am here if you wanna message me, I'd like to hear your story! My thoughts are prayers are with you.

It is kind of crazy that so many have the exact same story as mine, almost. Today, my Bella would have been 3 months old. The hardest thing is not knowing what happened. I carried her for 41.4 weeks, she was the healthiest perfect baby in utero... we now have an attorney looking at our case to determine MD malpractice etc. Before I was able to celebrate her life, because she is worth celebrating. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, the best thing I ever did and yet did I absolutely fail her in the most unimaginable way? I am a strong woman of faith, and this has definitely put it to the test, so I encourage you both to seek that or ask me questions, but unfortunately we are so horribly human that the pain, physical and emotional grief is so violent at times...
Today I woke up feeling awful, I am sorry to say but the grief has gotten worse with time. I then realized why I woke up choking on my sobs and its because she would have been 3 months today... so at least I didn't have the anticipation of this day I was too distracted by New years...(the holidays are a whole other story I cant believe I am still standing) And I too have friends who had their babies , one 4 weeks before, one 2 weeks before, one 1 week after, one 2 months after, and now 3 more are pregnant...

Like chasynsmom21 , Bella was my first and only so I have no sweet babe to hold tight, only the soft glow of the candles I light by her urn and I hug her baby photo album..

I don't think it was a mistake that my first week back at work, my coworker came up to me and said she knew exactly how I felt she sai, "I lost 3...". I asked her if she had a miscarriages etc and she said "No, all three were born and all three passed away" so when I think that this is the worst thing to go through I think of her, No , loosing 3 that is the worst thing to go through. Its going to be a slow long process and all I want to do is fast forward 1 year to when the pain might not be so violent anymore.

Someone told me and this helped, just take it min by min until you can take it hour by hour, and then day by day. Everything I do right now, I do for her...

I don't know it it's like this for everybody but I'm reaching the 5 month mark and it hasn't gotten any worse. Every month is the same...the 6th was the last time I felt her being really active, the 7th was my wedding anniversary where we spent the day celebrating and laughing but that evening we got the horrible news, and the 8th was the surgery.
Every month it kills me and I suspect it might do for many more months to come.
Then there's the other dates as well... the 5th of September was her due date and the 25th of August was her scheduled C-section. All of these dates haunt me every month.

" I don't know it it's like this for everybody but I'm reaching the 5 month mark and it hasn't gotten any worse. Every month is the same...the 6th was the last time I felt her being really active, the 7th was my wedding anniversary where we spent the day celebrating and laughing but that evening we got the horrible news, and the 8th was the surgery.
Every month it kills me and I suspect it might do for many more months to come.
Then there's the other dates as well... the 5th of September was her due date and the 25th of August was her scheduled C-section. All of these dates haunt me every month. "

I meant to say,.I don't know what it's like for everybody else but I'm reaching the 5 month mark and it hasn't gotten any better.

I am coming on the one year mark next week..and I feel like a death-row prisoner walking towards the hangman's noose.
Does it get easier, yes, sometimes, other times it gets harder..no formula whatsoever. You just hold on tight in the bad times and make sure to relax during the calm times. Its like rowing across the sea in a tiny sailboat..you just cant tell when the storm is going to hit, and when you are going to have a calm patch. You simply hold tight, and practice will make you a better sailor. I think we will only hit the shore when we die.

Mommy Zinger, It was 3 months yesterday that I delivered my sleeping beauty. Every month it gets more and more difficult because I am still counting down the day of her due date. Each month that passes is just another reminder that I went on another month without my Evelyn. I keep trying to imagine how big my belly would be right now and I should be counting down the next few weeks in which I should be expecting her. Instead, I count the days and an now months in which I have lost her. There have been so many triggers that make me break down in tears. Certain days, certain songs, even just looking down at my belly where she should be. It doesn't get any better but maybe we can find ways to help us get around it.

Thank you to everyone that wrote how long its been for them and how theyre processing, its helpful to know the truth, and that it doesnt go away for quite awhile, and my feelings are normal, and that this process is a long one and I shouldnt try and rush it. Reading your stories and experiences help, a lot.

I like that analogy, you just get to be a better sailor. It sums up the battle. I know its still so new, so fresh, I feel like Im really just holding on and praying there are calmer seas ahead, hoping that Im going to make it at times. Obviously everyone on here is doing it, youre finding a way to make it, so its doable. It just seems so, so implausible right now. There are so many triggers and I feel so down. The whole looking at the belly thing is one, thinking of where he used to sit, how my daughter would sing twinkle twinkle little star to him every night and he would move, and now we are singing it to heaven, but he was supposed to be here, she was supposed to hold him and be able to sing him that song in person as he grew up, not to his spirit. So I distract myself, I put it out of my mind, and I just dont process it. I went to counseling today for the first time and we talked, and at the end she said there are many ways of grieving and rarely is someone just in one category, but what they want is for there to be a balance between grief and distraction. They dont want you to be so consumed in grief you cant function but also not so distracted you dont deal with the grief. She said it seems like Im hanging over in the distracted camp to avoid processing everything and shes right, I said when I go there the feelings are so profound I dont know how I will ever process them, or how they will ever subside, I just cant handle it. So I distract myself with being my grandmas caretaker, focusing on my kid, my work, getting the visa approved for my fiance so he can be here, etc. There are plenty of distractions I can use to keep myself busy until I pass out from exhaustion and dont have to think. We talked some and I started crying and she said crying means Im feeling and processing, and its her job to give me that time to stop being distracted and focus on processing whats happened to me and grieve my son. It makes sense, but I still dont know how to process this sadness and anger. Next week Im supposed to bring his pictures, his stuff, whatever I want so we can just look at it and I can tell her about him. I told her that is going to make me cry and she said its supposed to, Im not a crier, I rarely cry, and now when I do it just doesnt stop and the feelings of the sadness and anger come so strongly which is why I try to avoid it. Perhaps thats just bottling it up, but I dont know how one is supposed to live feeling that way, how one is supposed to accept what happened and be ok with it, so it really is just trying to be a better sailor, wait the storm out for a calmer sea and until then hang on for dear life.


ElleMichau I cant imagine being 41.4 weeks and then having her gone when it was so close to her being with you. I have had many people reach out to me and tell me they too have lost babies, and I never knew. Several coworkers have told me theyve lost a baby and understand, and just about every person in my school has hugged me when theyve seen me, they dont say anything, they just hug me and say theyre there if I need them. I wrote a letter to my parents explaining generally that I was pregnant and now Im not. They saw me at parent teacher conferences and I was obviously pregnant, now we have them again at the end of January and I didnt want questions, it would have been too hard. I had parents write beautiful letters to me the next day, and one parent that said she too lost a baby, so I have had wonderful support and outreach from people. It really has helped me a lot to be able to be at work and with such good people, and it helps keep me busy so I dont start thinking- but then Ill get a moment, and it comes over me, and youre right, its hour by hour, day by day

I sat in the distracted camp for a long time after the initial few months, I was expecting again and I guess that was my distraction. Unfortunately I stayed there so long that it took a few years for me to process my grief, in fact 12 years after the devastation, and seven more children, I think I'm still working on it, otherwise I probably wouldn't visit here every day. I still have so many regrets about the whole thing, so many questions and I still harbour some anger. It's interesting how, now that I'm done having children, and the distraction of pregnancy isn't there anymore I go back to that devastating time in my life. When my children, whom I am so grateful for, are tucked up in their beds, I find myself slipping back to the beginning of my life as a mother and still wanting the 'little girl that got away.'

For me it's being 7 months and 9 days since I lost my only son Eli. It doesn't get better. However you basically get used to a new routine...... For me what has helped me is being busy working or simply cleaning my house and spending quality times with relatives. I can't say friends because my friends stopped talking to me as if I died with Eli. I have a candle for Eli, which I turn on every day. I speak to him and tell him how much I miss him. I work with children at a daycare. I see babies everyday... I see the babies that were born around the time that Eli was supposed to be born 6/26/14. It was 4 mommies from the daycare plus myself.... and all of them have their babies here at the daycare. It hurts me because all of them are boys....... and I know Eli was supposed to be one of them in the infant room.... I am missing all this cute milestones that a baby goes through.... it's hard but unfortunately we have to try to move on and cherish the few memories we have of our babies.... even if it's just a picture, and ultrasouns.... a video of your belly (baby) moving inside you womb. I just have the ultrasound picture. For me it was hard to take pictures with Eli.... I do regret it not taking them... but I think it would had being worst for me personally. I visit him every Saturday.... and try to get flower for him every sunday and place them right next to his ultrasound picture.
My heart goes to you and will be praying that your heart heals and gets a little bit better.
There is no doubt that our babies will forever be part of our lives, and will forever be in our hearts.
Hugs for you,
Martha, Eli's Mommy