About a week or so ago, I posted about our "Celebration of Braedyn" that my husband and I were planning. And I wrote about my aunt telling me its unhealthy. We cancelled the party...and I feel like a bad mom. I think part of me let my aunt get to me. But another part of me just kept thinking about being surrounded by my family and trying to talk about my little boy. Can I do that? Without breaking down? Can I stay sane thru the whole party? Even though we're calling it a celebration, its gonna be so hard. And I don't think, even now, one year later, I'm ready to be that vulnerable in front of my family and friends. Only my husband sees that side of me because he understands and lives it with me everyday. I feel like this pain is like a cut with a scab over it. Always there but hurts worse some days than others. And sometimes that scab is ripped off and it starts to be a really bad day fighting thru all the pain. I feel like the celebration might rip off that scab. I think instead, my husband and I are going to do something privately. But I still feel bad.

Am I horrible? Am I disappointing my son??