It is really hard to be thankful after losing a child. The first holiday season without them is also one of the hardest times of grief whether you lost your child in January or December.

I don't have a lot of tips to make the holidays better, but there are a few things you can do to help yourself. Take the time you need to grieve and to remember your son. Do what feels right, if you want to sign you cards with his name, do it. If you want to hang an ornament on the tree for his first Christmas, do it. If you want to dedicate a song to him, do it.

If you're interested, we do a card exchange here between angel moms. For some, it helps give you something to cherish for your son. For some, it's good to know others haven't forgotten him. For others, it's a source of comfort to know that you're not alone on this lonely road. If you're interested, send me a message with your name, address, and his name.

And back to the original question about how to be thankful... I am still thankful for my girls and for the time I had with them. However, I'll also say that it took me 3 years to get here. Grieving a child is a lifelong journey. Take it one step at a time. Get through today, then deal with tomorrow when it comes.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious boy. It's definitely a hard thing to live through, in fact the hardest thing I've ever been through. I lost my son a month after you in June at 29 weeks. I actually have stopped going to a church that I recently had been enjoying because they very frequently had Baby Christenings and it was just becoming too much.I also have similar thoughts sometimes about feeling like the holidays won't be worth celebrating this year because a very important person is missing. And I also have that battle in my mind sometimes feeling like I have nothing to be happy or grateful about.

But then I remember that in spite of this heartache and tragedy that I'm living through, I'm still blessed. I still have my life, health and strength. And thank God, I still have my reproductive organs which are ready and willing should God send another little blessing to me. I also have my Husband and other family & friends around. And that's just what I do, I try to meditate on and thank God for all the positives in my life.

I know that this holiday season will be particularly hard for us both since it will be the first one without our precious sons, but I also know that we are so blessed to be here to witness this wonderful season.

Of course, the holidays will be rough and we'll cry and will definitely think about our sons so much, but also remember that I believe truly in my heart that both our sons, while I'm sure they miss us dearly, I'm also sure that they wouldn't want our holiday season to be sad, isolating and depressing.

I just try to remind myself that my son didn't come here to bring me sorrow and neither did your precious boy. That's never the purpose of a child. A child is a blessing from above. And though our children left way too soon, I truly believe that they are blessings from above. And I pray that 1 day we both can get to a point where everytime we think of those precious little boys, that we smile at the thought of their memory and all the joy they gave us & our families.
Will be thinking of you this holiday season. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

Last year I went through this with the holidays and I was angry too. To help with my anger I bought a few toys that would have been age appropriate for my daughter and I donated them to toys for tots. It made me feel a little better that even though my daughter was in heaven, there would be another little girl with a smile on her face, in memory of my daughter.

I just wanted to thank all of you ladies for your replies. Like many, I am sure the holidays will be difficult for me, especially since Stephen was due on Christmas. I think I will follow the toys for tots suggestion provided by Motek18. Thank you all again for the great suggestions during this difficult time!

Motek, I like that idea, too. I may have to do something like that!

Thank you all so much for your responses. They have helped so much. Yesterday was just one of those grief burst days.

I feel the same way, i wish i could crawl in a hole until Jan. I don't care about the holidays this year, all i keep thinking is this was supposed to be Emilyns first Thanksgiving /Christmas. I did get some ornaments made with her name on it and did put up a tree for her, i just felt i needed to. It's just hard to be happy when she isn't here. I am so sorry that all of us have this burden to bear through the holiday season, hugs!

Yes; I'd pretty much like to fast forward to spring. Through the holidays where I have to pretend to be Thankful and okay, through January when I am supposed to be having our baby daughter added to our family and aren't, and through the crummy dark and cold winter that I'm sure we New Englanders have in store. Blech. Glad I'm not the only one. XO, ladies.

I love the idea of giving toys to children in need. I lost my baby girl at 38 weeks and 1 day this October. I'm a Kindergarten teacher and being around little ones all day is a blessing and struggle all at the same time. Thanks so much for the great idea. Turn misery into something positive.

Even though my rainbow baby was born on the 16th of November, I have picked out my toys for toys for tots. I certainly hope others do donate this year. Even if it's a small gift. The loss of our children will forever be painful, but I do promise that I smiled on Christmas day thinking about another little girl happy because of my small gesture.