I know what you mean about just feeling blah. It sometimes feels like the beginning is the easiest because we at least know what to do-cry. It's hard not feeling one thing completely. I don't know if I'm making sense. My heart aches for Eva Casey and Tori losig their second. I feel bad for those of you trying to get the courage to try again. I hope you find the strength to go on. I know it's hard,but know that we all have the blah moments sometimes. The book Empty Cradle Broken Hearts talks about the fourth month being the hardest because most of the support leaves and the shock wears off. I read it about a week after I lost Faith and told Kevin I can't imagine it being worse. It is so true. I'm here- we are all here when you need to talk. Hugs, Cynthia

It's hard to be "normal" let alone happy and normal. We all understand what you are going through. Here's a quote I'd like to share with you.

"Remember, the only life your child will have in this world after his or her death is through the life that YOU live. You alone will carry this child's message. Whether it is to be a message of joy or gloom, hope or despair, is up to you."

When I read it, I loved it. It's an awesome thought. I'd like to think that my beautiful baby girl would have been a happy baby. She would have grown into a good spirited, positive young lady. If she were here, I would have had to show her how to be that nice young lady, so I want to live my life as if she were here. My loss was very recent so it's difficult, but I'm trying. Waking up in the morning is not so bad when I remind myself that I'm living for her.

The lack of emotional pain is not the completion of grief. What you are feeling is in fact a positive step forward. I think that once we enter into the "blah" phase what we are experiencing is a transition into a new phase of healing. It has been 4 months for me as well. I am working with these feelings as they come, and trying to learn as I go.

Love,
Tammy
evelynrosefoundation.org

I know the blah feeling all too well. That seems to describe my life every day. Sure, I laugh and I smile but no one really understands that it takes every ounce of energy in me to do that. I am just.... there, you could say. This road we're on is long and hard but with the support of each other, we'll make it.

I am so sorry you are all going through this and I truly wish I could take everyones pain away. My firstborn Joshua was born sleeping 21 years ago in november and not a day goes by that I dont think about him and wonder what might have been. I just want you to know it will get easier. Back then nobody talked about it but I found it helped me to talk about him. It did take a long time to heal but I did heal and went on to have two beautiful daughters. Just remember your precious little ones will always be in your heart. Hugs Karen

I remember that feeling. Some days I felt like a robot, just moving through the day not smiling and not frowning either. Looking back I think I was distancing myself from the pain for a while just to get through it. We deal the pain to ourselves slowly sometimes just to process it and to survive it.

I struggle every day with trying to be happy. I go to work and have to put on my smiley face everyday, but on the inside, I'm missing Thomas and I'm also really wanting a little brother or sister to hold, love and take care of. It's so hard. I think this next year is going to be hard. I hope that we will have some happiness brought back into our lives again soon. Hugs, Liz

I understand what you mean about blah. I'm not sure if you feel the same way, but I often feel a little bit like I'm losing myself. Not every day or every part of it is the same either. Sometimes a day can be full of laughter and then end with sadness... often when I'm alone, or something, anything triggers it. Or just that feeling of simply existing, like you're describing.....which is perhaps better than the unyielding sadness....but very numbing at the same time. I don't know when that feeling (or lack thereof) goes away. All I can say is that I believe the other moms that have been through this that this will all ease a little...bit by bit....over time and we will eventually heal and be at peace with the memories of our little ones. Only at that time, perhaps the twinges of pain will turn into something better. Hang in there. We're all here with you and for you.