Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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SophiasMom2010 05/29/2011

I feel like such a bad person lately. My big sister called me the other day and told me that she's 38 weeks pregnant, the same as I was when my little baby Sophia died. Then on friday she told my mom and me that she was 1 cm dialated. It's like being stabbed in the heart. I've been fighting with my sister alot, so that's not the only reason I'm staying away, but also as soon as I heard that she was dialated my first thought was "I NEVER EVEN GOT TO BE NATURALLY DIALATED BY EVEN ONE CM!".

I don't even know what I'm trying to say in this post, but my heart is aching so bad, I'm reliving it all again, it's not fair, how cruel is it that God would take my little baby girl? Why would God wait until the very last minute, when the nursery was set up and my hospital bag packed and all the baby clothes washed and she just dies... and now I'm watching my sister nine months after i buried my child giving birth to her own with no problems and no worries and it hasn't even occurred to her that it's not guaranteed.

I feel like a bad jealous hateful person. But all these wounds are opening up again. I dont know what to do. :(

deleted_user 05/30/2011

((Hugs)) I just went through this with my cousin and one of my best friends. It must be even hard with a sibling. You're not hateful person your missing your Sophia. I wasn't mad at them for having their babies. I was just desprately missing my son. You may find some peace in holding your niece but take your time. Let your sister know that its really hard for you

deleted_user 05/30/2011

I am so sorry. Please don't beat yourself up over this. I still find it very difficult to see or hear about anyone else's happy occasion (even my own - rainbow). Of course, I try not to ruin it for them, but I have to keep me distance and protect my heart. I can't imagine it being my own sister. Have you talked to her at all? Does she still have compassion for you and your sweet Sophia? I am sure she has thought about what you went through and she can't be normal to not worry the same will happen to her (especially when it happened to her very own sister). She may be very anxious to have her own child born and be out of the woods for a stillbirth of her own. I don't know, but I would imagine she feels some of this too.

You are right about others feeling like expecting a baby is more guaranteed than it is. We know the difference and being so close and to experience the ultimate robbery at the very end or what should be the very beginning is plain WRONG.

We will all be grievers one day. I hope she treats you gently in the weeks, months, and years that come. Of course, I don't wish anyone to be a griever, but it's not who will be a griever, it's when. May we all treat each other well.

Hang in there, sending huge hugs, prayers, and some peace, Stacy

nasnye 05/30/2011

My Nephew had a baby girl a month and a few weeks after Annaya's Heaven birth. They asked me to be Jordyn's godmother and even gave her my daughter's first name as her middle name. I am still not ready to hold her. I just don't know how I will handle it... especially since my pregnancy was easy and complication free and they were expected not to carry to term.

Today is my niece's due date. I am praying that she will deliver soon and that the baby will alive.

I pray that with time... you will be able to enjoy your sister's baby. Would you wish this on anyone else?

Hugs,
N.

deleted_user 05/31/2011

Please know you are not alone, I have felt the same way. I have many friends who are pregnant and it is so hard for me to be happy for them. every time I see them I feel so jelous I can hardly breath and my chest aches. We have been through somthing most people could not even imagine. Don't feel like a bad person we are all allowed to hurt.

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