I had a rough night last night.... I counted the new year in, loudest one in the room..... and then once it struck midnight I stared bawling everyone kindly let me cry. Jamiz would be 4 months as well and it kills me to know I will never hold him on this earth again

I feel like I am leaving Brenna behind too. 2010 was my only time with her and it is gone. She should be a newborn baby right now.

This morning, I went through all the flowers we had left from her services, saved the roses and tossed the rest. That was hard too. Another reminder that time is marching on, but for Brenna, it won't. It is terrible.

As for keeping them close to our hearts, I think they always will be. They are part of us and we're a part of them. We're forever linked.

I do want to find some way to honor her though. And I think I will do that through community service of some sort. Just as soon as I can get myself dressed and force myself to leave the house, that is.

Yep, I just wrote a journal about how tremendously sad it was when I heard celebrations of the new year coming in. I got teary eyed and could think about nothing but Victoria. As much as 2010 ended up sucking, I want it back. I don't want everything about her to be...last year. It just sounds so long ago already even though it was just yesterday.

I think the only thing I'll be able to do is think about her as much as I can. Because isn't that how memories are more guaranteed to stay memories? I don't want to make myself sad by thinking of them but that's the only thing I can think of to do.

I too had a rough time last night. I actually went over to a friends house and stayed until about 11:00 pm so that I could be home before midnight because I knew it would be difficult. I rang in the new year with my husband only and as soon as it hit midnight I too cried. I heard all of these parties going on and watched everyone so happy on tv...and then there was me....

Anyway, it upset me because I was not suppose to have Kaylee until April of this year, so even these next few months will be very difficult for me to handle.

My husband, my mom, and I plan to get tattoos within the next couple of weeks to remember our precious Kaylee. I am thinking of getting her footprints with her name and heavenborn date, and then possibly some angel wings. This will mean that she is with me at all times.

I didn't even make it until midnight. I was crying around 8 and decided to go to bed at 10. I didn't want to welcome the New Year because doing so was loosing my last year with Ty. His whole existence was in 2010 and now he is an Angel instead of being her for a whole year of firsts. Now I have to go through a whole year of firsts that I was not expecting. Ty should have been almost 3 months.

I found last night harder then Christmas and even more so the thought of my first mothers day terrifies me, I think that will top all of the "first" holidays.

I as well have thought about getting his footprints as a tattoo.

I think about mothers day and fathers day all the time...those are going to be such hard days...along with Kaylee's due date, which would have been April 17....

I do understand dear. My little man would have been 4 months and 11 days today and the idea of moving forwards in life seems to be so contradictory to what I feel. I have decided that I need to put a scrapbook together of the wonderful moments I had with my little man during pregnancy (1st positive pregnancy test, Ultrasounds, etc.) I feel like it will be a good way to honor him and keep him and his memory alive and maybe a good way of healing for me. I am also working on a journal to write about my little man. I guess this is what I am trying to do to make sure my precious Alex lives within me and within my words into the new year. I am sending thoughts and hugs your way!!! We can all do this together!

I think if you have a lot of mementos from being pregnant a scrapbook is a really nice idea. I'm working on one of Ty and while working on it I find I am smiling a little, it's nice to remember the 9 months we had with him. If you don't have many mementos, you can make your own. It's just another way to remember our Angels and I can share it with other people and Ty's future siblings so people will know all about him.

Last New years was my first, and I too cryed as soon as midnight came. It was like I was starting a new year, a year without my daughter. I did not feel right to go on without her. I struggled for a long time because i felt like I was never supposed to talk about her because people would look at me with such sadness and then they started acting like I was just supposed to move on and get over it. i cant just get over it, i NEVER will. i finally did make a scrapbook for my daughter. I took all of the pictures from the hospital, my pregnacy, and her funeral and put them together in a book. I decided that God gave her to me and I was NOT going to pack away all of the memories I had of her as if she was never here. I LOVE that book. Its the book I look at when I miss her, or when I just want to brag to someone about how beautiful she was. it was trully healing hor me and I HIGHLY recommend you ladies try it if you can. I will talk about my daughter and I will show her pictures off. The year might be over and she might not be able to grow up, but she is still a FOREVER part of my life!

I slept through new year, that was the best way... like it never really happened!!
I have a journal that I started the day after my angel was born, and I also have a scrappy book that I write my thoughts in, and I am gradually writing them out neatly into my journal and illustrating the thoughts... it started out black and white and now there are a few colour pictures too, which I think must be a good sign. I think that is the best way to honour our angels, to write about them, write about how we feel, what we are learning, and find ways to depict them to show how beautiful and significant they are. I only showed my husband and my bump buddy from the angel pregnancy... but maybe in the future I will feel more able to share it with other people... for now it is still a work in progress.. 2010 is a part of our histories now, and I feel I should embrace all the events that happened and make them part of me and my family...

I had a tough time too. All I could think - was that this time last year - I felt like the year ahead was going to be the most amazing life changing year ever - my entire life was going to change - I had new dreams and new goals.

Now here I am one year later - and yes my life has completely changed - but somehow it hasn't - somehow I am the same as I was before - but not quite - I feel a bit like an ornament that has been shattered into pieces that someone has tried to glue back together - but hasn't done it quite right.

2010 has been the most amazing year for me - I got to feel my baby grow inside me, I got to hold my baby in my arms, I learnt of a love that I never knew. How can this also be the worst year of my life????

I think this is what is known as bittersweet.

I hope that 2011 will be gentle for us all and that in time we can look back at our experiences and only see the good bits - Happy New Year xxxx