I'm so, so sorry to hear about your losses. You've had to endure such heartache and the loss of this little girl must be a crushing blow. I know how it goes, common sense tells you it's not your fault but your heart is saying the opposite. I remember when my milk came in when we lost our first child, a little girl, nature just seems so cruel sometimes and life can be so unfair. I'm thinking of you during this very difficult time. Hugs and best wishes.

I am so sorry for your losses and the recent loss of your baby girl. I lost my first born almost 8 months ago. It is believe that it was a cord accident too. I did too blamed myself.... but after i found this site I realize that many women go through the same thing. The day of my apppointment May 28... i still felt my son mpving around. I had my apppintment at 3:30. @ 2:30 i still felt him moving around and I remember telling him that I Couldnt wait to hold him in my arm already. I was seen by my dr. @ 4:45 ehen tell told me there was no heart beat. I couldnt believe it because i had felt him throuhout the day. The send me to the hospital were a more depth ultrasound was done and unfortunately they told me my son didnt make it. Until today i have my days were i just break down. My first 3 months after Eli were the harderst... i do have my ok days. But i have more bad days. He was my one and only son.
Know that you are not alone mommy. This site is very helpful. Angel kommies here are very supportive they understand your pain.....
My prayers go to you
Eli's Mommy Martha

Thank you both so much, I too am so sorry for your losses, this is the worst pain I have ever felt. I appreciate your kind words and sharing with me. Marthar, I can relate as I had been feeling movements right before also, it seemed impossible when they told me she was gone. my husband is amazing but we both grieve very differently, he likes to stay busy and keep his mind off of it while I need to think about it and cry and just be sad, I just want to be alone and be able to be sad , he doesn't understand my way but he is trying.. This is still all so new and I think I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she is really gone.

I am so very sorry about your losses, especially of your supposed to be rainbow baby girl..it just slaps you in the face..stillbirth. I know because my first child, a daughter named Sinza, was stillborn at 38 weeks..at a time I was feeling so confident we were on the home stretch. The Dr. concluded she had a growh spurt and outgrew/outpaced her placenta and was starved/suffocated to death. This was in January of last year. I remember how numb and dumbstruck I felt. It was after the funeral that the deep sadness set in. But what can we do except trudge on..put one foot infront of another? It helps to have the support of sisters who have gone through this nightmare and a re surviving. We are here for you.

I am very sorry for all your losses. I can truly understand and feel your pain. When i lost my baby i always felt that i did something wrong which killed my baby inside my womb but after reading the stories from all the mothers here on this forum it seems that we are so helpless. Even with the best care many mothers lost their babies for unknown reasons. And all of us go through same type of grieving process. We learn to live a life in a new way with the memory of the little baby who left us too soon.
The initial few days are very heart breaking but later on we just learn to cope and move on never forgetting the tragedy.
At times I want to cry, shout, feel upset but in the end i am still empty and lonely with the hole in my heart. Every time i go to bed to sleep i feel myself in the hospital bed and the doctor's office and the events that followed the news of hearing the death of my baby until i gave birth to him and got to hold him for a few minutes repeat in my mind.
The early few days were very difficult, dear try to be strong and know that you are not alone.

It was really hard for me right after while I was planning the funeral, and after when my milk came in, and when I still looked pregnant and kept thinking I felt the baby move when it was really gas or something- it was torture. My heart goes out to you, because that sadness is so profound and deep its debilitating and wipes you out. I cant say its any better- its still so profound, its been 7 weeks and sometimes it seems like longer and sometimes like no time at all. Make memories with your childs stuff, every night my daughter and I sing to my son before bed, it helps to have a nightly reminder of him, makes us remember that he was here and hes part of our family. Im sorry for all your pain, we all know it well

Thank you for your responses and I am so so sorry for the loss of your babies, you are all amazing and I so appreciate you sharing about your babies with me, this is such a horrible thing to have in common but you have all helped me through these first few days. This is the most horrible pain, today has been a hard one for me, my husband went back to work and I have felt so alone. I really just don't want to function, I have no other way to describe it. The whole world is moving along around me and I am just paralyzed, unsure how I'm going to go on without my baby girl. I just keep thinking back to a week ago about how happy I was, feeling my little girl move, so blissfully unaware about what was going to happen and in one moment my entire life changed.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It happened to me too..........years ago now, but it happened. I didn't feel movement one day. I had this feeling of dread and called to schedule an appointment. When I went in to the doctor they found no heartbeat. I was 29 weeks along. There are no words that can take away your pain and sadness. It's something you have to go through, unfortunately. I remember walking around just numb. My heart ached, and I was just numb. My little boy would've been 15 this month. He's still here in my heart after so many years. You're at the beginning of your grief, and my heart aches for you, because I know how terribly painful that is. Just know you are in my thoughts and you're not alone.

A big hug from me to you:)

Thanks Rochelle for sharing your story and encouraging us begininers, I was so relieved because i feared that time might somehow rob me of the little girl that I am tightly holding onto in my heart. Your story has eased my fears. Hugs back at you!

Your little girl will always be in your heart and no one can take that away from you.

Hello ay0603 Mommy. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. My heart goes out to you. I gave birth to my sleeping Princess Evelyn on 10-5-14. One weekend I couldn't feel her move anymore and I checked into the labor and delivery and an ultrasound confirmed that my baby girl's heartbeat was gone. I was devestated. The doctor wanted to induce me that minute but I was too distraught and went home to cry all night. The next morning I was induced and 13 hours later, my sleeping beauty entered and exited this world. I was 24 weeks and she was the most perfect and precious thing I laid my eyes on. I was able to spend about 4 hours with her, just kissing and hugging her and telling her how much I loved her and that I will meet her again one day. The next day, I too spent my day at the funeral home planning for her funeral and services. I cried all the way through that. She was cremated a week later along with her funeral services. We brought her home in her tiny pink urn. Now my days are made up of putting on a happy face to get through the day and when I get home, I take off that mask and the pain and heartache set in. I know exactly how you feel. We are all here to help each other get through these tough moments. I have my good days and my bad ones, but every mommy in this forum knows what I am going through as well as provides me with that support. I wish you the best of luck and you can count on us.

Thank you much for sharing with me and for the kind words. Today marks 2 weeks since I delivered Ireland, I miss her so much. I cry every day but it isn't constantly anymore. My best friend had her baby 6 days after I had Ireland and I still haven't been able to go visit her yet, she completely understands but I feel like a bad friend for being jealous that she has what I was supposed to have. I haven't even been able to get through a phone conversation with her without breaking into tears so I have decided to just wait and give myself time to grieve. I just have this fear that her little boy is always going to remind me of what I don't have because he was born so close to Ireland and I so badly want to be happy for my friend and I am but it also makes me so sad.

You deserve your time to grieve. I too am still grieving. It's normal for you to feel the way you do about your best friend. When I found out my cousin was pregnant, I had to tell her nicely that I couldn't be around her because I was still too distraught over the loss of my baby. She understood. Every baby and every pregnant woman I run into or see everyday, reminds me of what I lost and what I wanted so badly. Take as much time as you need. We are all here for you.