Sorry I forgot to add that my daughter was born 9/17/10 and my BFF daughter was 9/18/10, now my friends baby boy will be 9/21/13. So it's 2 other birthday parties I the same week as my baby's.

I was angry after the loss of my daughter too. Luckily in my state they have passed laws so that we can get 'birth' certificates, and they acknowledge that our children have been born, and had they not passed inside us, they would have lived outside the womb.
My brothers girlfriend is 25. She has 3 kids and is pregnant now with her 4th. She's a drug addict. She doesn't have custody of her other 3 kids because she's a user, this baby too will be taken. It frustrated me that she had 3 will be 4 healthy kids yet my daughter was reduced to ashes in her urn next to our bed. It took me a long time to stop being angry. Though I do still have my bad days.

To help, I went to the gym 5 days a week. I took a kick boxing class, and a zumba class once a week. Then the other days I did strength training, and cardio. It really helped. And so did talking about it.

My daughter Gemma was stillborn on 11/9/12. My favorite cousin, who knows everything, scheduled her baby shower for 11/9/13. People move on and don't think about your pain. They have no right to think you should be over it but they just don't get it. It might be the wrong decision, but I have removed most of those people from my life. The people who "don't get it" don't get to be a part of my life anymore. They can say I am not the same person I was before........I'm not. They can say I have never gotten over it.................Who could! I pray they never have to know this pain. It sucks and they probably don't put themselves in our shoes because they don't want to have to imagine the pain. This is a safe place to talk about it because all of us understand how bad this sucks. Take care and know that I am praying for your peace and comfort...

I'm fairly new here and it's nice to know not all these postings have to be nice and fluffy. Thank you for letting me know it's ok to get mad at times. I'm always on my best behavior around people. It's nice to know I can come here to express what I hold inside day after day.

I'm truly sorry for your lost, like it was yesterday. And I thank you for your honestly. I'm sure we all want to do what you did in this post but feel it's wrong. Thank you!

Simie, that's what I love about this place. You can come here and say things that most other people would think you were awful for, I think we all understand the anguish of watching everyone else's kids growing up and being in turn angry, sad, jealous, and sometimes catatonic.

BTW, I felt so much better after the support you all gave me, and am buying toys and clothes for a woman's domestic violence shelter in place of my girl's B-day present, and a new blanket for my friends baby. I just needed to cry for a day, and now I'm ready to be me again.

And here I thought we weren't allowed to break down. It does feel so much better after you let some out and actually have people that understand and care to catch some of the tears. I just hate that It won't bring them back. All I have are pictures and the memory of kissing him all over his little face. I see my son in my husband at times and I kiss him. And my husband knows when I have Joshua in mind. It's kind of comforting :/

Let it out girl! And you didn't have a miscarriage, you had a stillbirth. They are NOT the same. Although miscarriage is hard in its own way and for different reasons it is NOT the same (I've had both). The devastation of coming home without your baby that you had named and planned for, LABORED for, but instead to a house full of baby things, down to even food in the freezer doesn't compare to a few weeks of hope followed by disappointment. Now I am not minimizing the sadness, anxiety and fear that can come from an m/c especially for those who have had multiple and/or fertility problems, but it is just different, takes different grieving and coping. Your lost little one was a person and don't let anyone make you feel differently or guilty for not "being over it". That's not even comparable to telling someone to get over the death of a parent. At least we get to know our parents before they are taken from us. Stay strong friend. Hugs and prayers.

I just lost my son last week at 21.5 weeks. He was still born. 14 months ago we lost our other son at 17 weeks due to incompetent cervix. This is after years of infertility. It sucks and most people can't begin to understand the pain. I got an email from a family member, she is a grief counselor and this is her specialty. She described loosing a baby very well. When you loose a loved one like a parent, sibling, or friend you have memories together to reflect on. We don't have those memories, just memories of pregnancy and thoughts from imagining bringing baby home. Our society does not do death well, people do not like to see other's grief so it is rushed. You are entitled to feel how you feel. I would personally avoid the shower just because it would make me feel emotional. Angel anniversaries are hard. Say your baby's name, remind people of her. I think people forget and honestly your baby is just as important as her baby! Big hugs!!!

Well said! Joshua Joshua Joshua. He is and always will be my first son. I love him and he made me the happiest mother on earth. If people ask me do you have kids, I will reply yes! A son Joshua. If they ask more then I will let them know he passed away at an early age. But being a stillborn doesn't change his existences in my life.

Hugs to all my angel sisters.

I lost my Layla at 38 w 6 days. 26-3-12. My sister in law who is also my best friend had her baby girl Harlow three weeks later. It took me 12 months to be in the same room as her. We just had our first photo together yesterday. I attended her first birthday and cried during happy birthday. A few friends were there with their baby girls that were also born in 2012. Very hard thing to do. My cousin is now preg with her first and is super excited. I'm happy for her. She keeps bombarding me with all her preg problems. Posting picks on face book of ultra sounds. I just said to her one day that I wasn't up to it anymore. Her and my aunt cracked it ' we can't be happy coz Kerry isn't ' I didn't say that. I politely said stop shoving it in my face. Grrr some ppl. I also have a 7 yo daughter who is dev about loosing her lil sister. My aunt was shoving ultra sound picks in her face the other day. I said Kira is up set about Jess's baby ' oh but why?' She says. So fuckn stupid. Then my aunt tells me that jess is having a girl and my mum went baby shopping with her :( some ppl just get wrapped up in there own euphoria that they fail to see other ppls sadness.

Layla is such a beutiful name. Im sorry that you are surround by all these babies esp. Princesses. I cant image how that would be to get so far along and then have it all go away and be left with just memories. Im so sorry.

Try to think that Layla wants you to be happy. Dont let her think you are anything less. Still i pray that you stay strong and find peace in the middle of so many little faces.

Hugs!

I'm so very sorry Sophia's Mom. Life can be really so cruel sometimes, that you literally feel like you're going to break into pieces. I understand your pain and heartache so much. It really isn't fair. You are totally correct. Your daughter was a person and she had a life. And it totally doesn't make sense that your daughter was older and yet she's not acknowledged. It truly sucks.
I lost my baby boy at 29 weeks 3 days and so sometimes when I hear about 27 and 28 week preemie babies, it literally makes me cringe in the inside. I can't explain the knawing feeling, it just does something to me. It's almost like it takes me back to the moment of grief and reflection that my baby should be alive and well because he could have survived outside of my body if it wasn't for a stupid hypercoiled cord... Arrgghh

I totally feel your pain and the issues that you have with newborns. Trust me, I almost had panic attacks anytime I was near babies after I had just lost my son Kyng even for a few weeks after.
Only approx 2 months after he passed was I able to somewhat even be able to look at babies. But I lost him on 6/24 and I haven't held a baby since and honestly, I'm in no rush.

But I know my difficult days are coming because my very close cousin (we were raised like sisters) was pregnant with a little boy also and she was 1 month ahead of me. She had her son 1 month after I lost my baby boy. Talk about a tough burden to carry for the rest of this lifetime.... There's no escaping it for me. At every family function, every year 1 month after I celebrate my son's Angelversary, it will be like right smack in my face: my little cousin who I have to watch growing and doing all the things that my son would've been doing.
And I kid you not my cousin sent a pic of her son fresh out of the womb, and it just so happened to be the same day my baby's hospital pics came in the mail. It was just horrible. I couldn't believe that she had a healthy crying baby boy and my son was gone. I had felt her baby kicking and she had felt mine. We went swimming while pregnant and both our sons were kicking and squirming like crazy. Buy my baby was dead... and hers alive and well... It just sucks altogether. And then she kept sending pics of him until I just had a breakdown and my Mom had to tell her to please slow down on the pics. And then my cousin had the nerve to get offended that I couldn't see her baby's pics and be happy for her bundle of joy. She didn't get that I was happy for her but sad for myself and of course my emotions are mines to deal with and face every day.

And I kid you not, like one day after my son's funeral 1 of my other cousins had the nerve to start talking to me about how her and husband have now decided that they want more children (they already have 2 and aborted their 3rd child like 4 years ago) and were going to start trying so they could get pregnant by their anniversary. I was like how does my baby dying equate to you all wanting more children??? What?!! Do you really think I'm the beest person to have this conversation with right now?

It's a tough situation to handle and others around just don't get how deep engraved the pain and memories are in our hearts and souls. They see it as a horrible thing that happened and they continue living their lives while we experienced the horrible thing and re-live it to some degree each and everyday. There has not a day that has gone by that I don't think of my son and I'm sure it will be like that for a lifetime... Because he was my child. And some people just don't seem to get that for some reason.

It's a pain that you wouldn't wish on anyone, but believe me if people could walk in our shoes for just 1 day, they would know just how hard it is for us to keep pressing on and they would be more sensitive. But fortunately, the majority of humans won't endure this type of suffering so they can never even begin to comprehend and imagine how ironically other close and loved ones joy can at the same time cause you so much pain and heartache while confusingly still some joy in your heart for them and their blessing. It's so weird and confusing.

Just know that I understand your pain and know that you are a grieving mother so your pain and frustration is well-taken.