Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

591 Members
6,628 Posts
0 Online
Women's Health
/ Stillbirth Support Group

My disillusional self..

kim062409
kim062409
Sometimes I will drive to the cemetery, and at first I don't see my daughter's headstone. There is either another stone, or a tree, or something blocking it. I just don't see it right away.

When I don't see it, I am so relieved. Relieved that it is in fact, not there! And none of this happened. Her stone is not there. I have no one in the cemetery. My daughter did not die...

Does anyone else feel this way? Am I going crazy.
My daughter died over a year ago and I'm still having trouble accepting this as truth. I am just in such denial that this is actually MY life.

:( :(

Kim
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh - massive hugs to you!!! My daughter was not cremated so I have not had that experience but believe me you are not the only one being delusional. I will sometimes look down at my belly after I've eaten a huge meal or something, and rub it and think to myself that maybe - just maybe - I am still pregnant. I rub my tummy and think in my head that maybe I didn't really give birth to Alexis - and she is still in my tummy. I know I am only deluding myself but I can't help it. It's so hard to think that she is really gone and my pregnancy is over.
becca6t3
becca6t3
Whenever my stomach gurgles I always touch it and think maybe I'm dreaming, maybe I'm still pregnant.. and then in a minute's time reality shakes me. At first when I came home from the hospital and my stomach moved more than usual (because my uterus was contracting still a little bit), I thought for sure that Annabelle was still in there. I was the perfect example of dillusional.

Coming to terms with something like this may never happen, as I know it will never happen with me. I can barely face reality and I almost live in my own dream world. Sometimes I cringe when the cemetery or headstone is brought up because I hate to believe that my baby is buried. I hate to acknowledge that she is not here with us.

HUGS!