Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Hey everyone. I haven't been on here in a while but I still visit everyday and read everyones posts. Anyhow it has been 10 weeks yesterday since I lost Jameson at 40 weeks. I feel like my brain is starting to forget details about my delivery and time in the hospital. I don't know if I'm subconsciously forgetting because of the stress or if I truly am starting to forget. I don't want to ever forget but it seems like I can no longer recall details from that few days like I use to be able to. I miss my Jameson so much. I'm just confused with how my brain has been working. It almost seems like my brain is forcing me to not remember because of the trauma. I don't want to forget, I feel that forgetting details is like forgetting him. Idk I'm just frustrated. Did this happen to anyone else?
deleted_user
I am sorry for your loss and that you are going thru all of this. I don't know if this will help but it helps me, I write in a journal. I write all details of everything. Also, once I hit the year anniversary it all was there fresh in my head. Sending you tons pf prayers to get thru and gain strength. (((Hugs)))
deleted_user
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Jameson. I can totally relate to that awful feeling like you are forgetting the details of the birth and therefore forgetting your child. For the first two or three weeks after we lost Angelica in August, I replayed the whole scenario over and over in my mind. I remembered exactly what happened and when. I remembered with painstaking detail the names of all the nurses and what they did for me, the looks on the doctors' faces, the painful epidural process and the sting of the amnio needle. I recalled having my family there and the kind things they did and said... I also had a crystal clear memory of every moment of my labor, Angelica's birth, holding her and having the blessing, and saying goodbye. But after those initial weeks, things started to blur. I really fought against it but it still happened. Even now I can recall these events but not with the clarity I once had. After talking with family members who were there, I realized I even got things mixed up - details I thought I would never, ever forget. I didn't write them down and now I wish I had. However, I still remember exactly how I felt holding my daughter, the weight of her in my arms and how she looked and smelled. I remember feeling surrounded by love, and so grateful that I was able to share in her tiny life for 39 1/2 weeks. These are the things that really count. Like you, I'm not sure if my memory has blurred because of the trauma, or just the impact of time. I was frustrated at first, but now I remember less of the pain and more of what was beautiful.
deleted_user
I am sorry for loss. I do not think that you are starting to forget. It has been 15 months since we lost our son at 38 weeks and sometimes I feel like I am ok and it is all a blur. Then other times the entire day is a very vivid reminder of how much pain we endured that day. I do not think any of us will ever forget, but our brains have an uncanny ability to recongnize how much we can handle from one day to the next. I think we all struggle with figuring out how to honor our children and what is the right amount of grief. The truth is that the journey is different for all of us.
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