I am going through the same thing. So many religious people say the whole "God's will" thing. I hate that. It's like, all these people running out and killing people and doing evil things to people, and they think that's GOD'S will?!!! I don't think so. There are horrible terrible people with children that absolutely resent them. Why me? Why us? Why do they think our kids aren't meant to be. I will NOT be told above ALL things that this is something that I'm just going to have to "accept". They say it like it's the most wonderful thing in the world to have this happen or something. I'm just so over that. I just won't hear of anyone who suggests these things. Then there's the people that are like,"well, you MUST have done something wrong..." I didn't do anything wrong. I had someone call me selfish because I was needing to be treated to hyperemesis which is serious. It's what I have to go through to have a baby. 9 months of dehydration and an iv in my arm. I didn't "want" that and the need for antiemetics- I would have died without it with the babies following immediately after if I got so dehydrated it killed me. When they died I asked Why me and not them? I am so sad right now. I put my life on the line for them and lost them. People who don't know where I'm coming from need to just be quiet and be present. If they don't like me they can just go away. That's how I feel. My Ava and Phoenix are gone. That was my daughter and my son. They were my future. Why aren't people more considerate? They have no idea what I've been through with six miscarriages, seven babies all together. Doctors don't care. I have fought enough uphill battles with MYSELF to listen to a word anyone has to say about it being my fault. I'm still trying to overcome that. Why do people act like this doesn't matter and like I should just forget about my babies? I'll light a candle every day for the rest of my life for all of them. I don't care if I do by some miracle get a large family- I'll still take the time for them because they mean that much to me.

I think that's one of the ills of this world. We're all supposed to have the same beliefs, act the same ways, do the same things; except no one can agree on beliefs or actions or things while, at the same time, we can't agree to disagree. If we could all just allow each other to live and to grieve in whatever way works best for each individual, the world would be a much nicer place. I understand that these people are trying to help. I understand that they don't know how. Maybe it wouldn't bother me quite so much if they didn't push it. OK, I get that it's easy for you to say "God has a plan" but, when I tell you I don't believe that, please let it go. Maybe this is an important time for us to learn the skill of being truly assertive. If only there were some magic words to make them understand.

If there is any positive to come out of this, I will say that I have been able to stand up for myself and I stop taking BS from people. When my husband and I were making funeral arrangements, my father in law, who has always been an egotistical self serving....person (practicing my niceness here), decided that if we didn't do things his way, he would be angry. I got so fed up with him because WE lost our daughter. He wasn't even involved in my pregnancy, never had a nice word to say. Amelia gave me the strength to stand up to him, to tell him off, something I don't think I would have been able to do before. Ive stopped giving people who hurt me the time of day. I've learned so much from my baby and I know that she wants me to be happy. I just wish that it could have been with her in my arms.

It's so hard to find any good in this. I'm happy to hear you've been able to. My loss finally gave me the strength to leave a job that was killing me. I'm still waiting to see if that will really be for the best. I wish I'd left to be a stay at home mom for my son.

first thing is first, i am not telling you i know how you feel because I dont. Every struggle, every loss is hard and different, and even within the couple that loses a baby together the coping path is not the same. Here is how my other half and I reacted with the topic, i hope it helps at least a little bit.

My fiance asked god for a purpose, guiding, a meaning to his life. Less than a month later we found out I was pregnant. Awesome! There was the sign and purpose he had asked for and it turned his world around in a good way.

at 32 weeks I went to the doctor thinking I was overreacting to the practice contractions only to find out she'd been dead for 24 hours and what I was feeling was my body trying to void her.

Needless to say any faith we had in this "god" that gave us this beautiful gift then ripped her from my uterus, was lost. It hit him real hard because Grace was supposed to be his purpose, his reason for being a better person. It felt like all the progress he had made (quitting smoking being the biggest) was for nothing and sent him on a tailspin for awhile.

Then we realized, why have faith in an entity that we may not even know exists? We chose to have faith, but in each other not in the God that gave us purpose and took her away. Keeping faith in each other makes us strong and accountable for each other. So find some a living breathing person that you can put your faith in, because that will reward you. We are stronger than ever and its been just about 8 months since Grace left us. It hurts every day but with my faith in my fiance I know it will be okay.

Yes dear!! I think we all have had this exact conversation with ourselves. But in my experience you will find your own path. Does it get easier, yes and no, is the pain still there, yes and will probably always be there. I not only was mad at God, the doctors, myself, I was mad at my daughter for leaving me. I was truly a mess for 2 years. Cried everyday and I mean bawled my eyes out when no one was around I would curse out the world asking God why my daughter, why me?? I got pregnant at this time last year and it was a long road full of terror and anxiety and emotions. It's not easy hon. I have my rainbow baby now and she is perfect but it's still an emotional struggle for me. Be good to yourself, you've been through enough.