Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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Issue of fault again!

huntersma
huntersma
It has been just a little over 2 months since we lost Hunter from a placental abruption. Since that time I have found out that I have a blood disorder..My homocysteine level is 32.6(Double normal)and I am homogenous for A1298C(MTHFR Mutation). Of course, with new information comes this obsession to investigate all sources possible for knowledge. I have found that these abnormalities can lead to blood clots in addition to pregnancy complications such as placental abruptions and stillbirths. By researching more I find that I should be on a daily baby asa, a prescription vitamin called folgard, and should have been on an injectible blood thinner(Lovenox)when I was pregnant with Hunter. So..You see even though I didn't know...It was genetically my fault that we lost our son. And the guilt all comes back again..I was responsible for Hunter and I failed him. Damn it..Why didn't I know this? Why are these tests only done after the tragic loss of my son. Maybe I could have saved my son! So..off to the high risk pregnancy doctor and hematologist for recommendations for what we will need to do if we are fortunate enough to get pregnant again. If we do add to the risk of my age 41, medical history of a placental abruption, add on top two scoops of sh@t a blood disorder. My husband and I want a child so bad, however with all of these risks can I even bear to try again? Oh my gosh..I have NO idea what to do anymore. I feel completely helpless and overwhelmed!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes it seems like the bad news just won't end. I also had some abnormal blood test results after I lost my daughter. We are still in the process of seeing specialists to determine if any of it could have caused the stillbirth. But I know how you feel to think that it was my body that failed me and failed my daughter. I didn't know beforehand either, but the guilt is still there.
((Hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user
No - it's not your fault! The fault lies with doctors and the system. I don't understand why these tests are part of the routine tests every pregnant woman takes like STD tests. There are so many people that only learn of these things AFTER a loss occurs.

I have a hetereogenous MTHFR mutation so I've researched this as well, and it's definitely manageable (as long as you know about it!) so I wouldn't worry about this for future pregnancies. Now you know.... and now you can do something about it.

I hate this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is natural that you feel helpless and overwhelmed. But what happened to Hunter is NOT your fault. You cannot blame yourself for something you were completely unaware of and could not have foreseen. You would never have done anything to risk your precious baby's life. You did not fail Hunter - you did your best for him, got good medial care, prepared for his arrival with love. I do hope that you are able to try for another baby with the extra help of the high risk doctor.
nasnye
nasnye
Do not blame yourself. If you have other children I would question the clotting issue because it takes nearly a year for your body to function properly after childbirth. I was told I had a clotting problem and I made sure I was tested every three months and the numbers were different each time until they finally returned to normal.

One thing I noticed is that you are not tested for these types of disorders if you have a live baby. Should I be blessed with another pregnancy and deliver a live baby I am going to ask for these tests.

My heart aches for and with you.

Many Hugs!!!
Nneka
stellasms
stellasms
I am sorry you have to go through this. First of all it was never your fought , you had no knoweledge of the issue and did everything you could have for your precious son. please done beat yourself up over this. I lost my 3rd child a son at 18 weeks 5 days. also upon testing they found that I was mthfr. I never had any issues until the day I lost my precious son. I have gone through one preagnacy and now expecting another rainbow in 2 weeks . with both I have taken baby asprin, extra folic acid b-6, b-12 and prenatal vitimans. I have been monitored a little closer than normal for the two pragnacys. there are some things that we have to let go off it is not lettign go of our angel but if the faughts the what ifs the why nots. I know this is hard to do and it takes time