You are not that alone. I am staying home, doing nothing. Our eldest is bringing our grandson over for his "first Christmas" tomorrow. It should be Skyler's first Christmas, too. I have made it known that I am not celebrating, nor will I be in here to watch/take pictures/etc. I will be in my room, with the door shut, listening to my MP3 player while I read a book, I'm sure.

I don't know how to handle it either, but I'm doing the best I can. I do know that I can't be around him tomorrow. *sigh* Such a wonderful grandmother.... and I think that makes me feel even worse.

I know how you feel because my sister is pregnant right now, she told me a few weeks after i lost Sophia. And it's her other babys first christmas too. I love her and her son so much but looking at him makes me feel like slime because i'm so jealous that she will have two healthy happy babies and mine is miles away cold and in the ground. And i can't take it back. I'm just miserable. I hope christmas passes soon.

My fiance and I did not celebrate Christmas this year. We didn't decorate, didn't acknowledge it we just stayed in the last week and treated them like any other day. We avoided the TV because we knew it would just be Christmas crap after Christmas crap. I am sorry you are alone though (well in the sense that your boyfriend isn't there or any family) but know that you are by no means alone in your loss. We all know how you feel.

I'll tell you, I thought my fiance was cheating on me after Ty passed, It was very absurd of me to think because I know he never would, he's not like that, he's very caring, plus he was around me almost 24/7 but I did read that our minds create all these horrible situations after loosing a child because our reality becomes distorted. If you are concerned talk to him, let him know how you feel. You have every right to express your emotions and ask him. I know I needed the reassurance that he wouldn't cheat on me, but it was because I felt I let him down so much and that he was better off with someone else so my mind perceived that he was with someone else but he wasn't.

thats exactly how i felt too! and usually hes not the kind of guy who wud ever do that to me...

Sorry you are down...We did nothing for the holidays either, didnt decorate or anything, well we do have all the things other angel families sent us, we went to the cemetery today, that is it...it was supposed to be our first christmas with our baby, and I spent the morning crying...

Oh dear - I posted a journal entry about Christmas for this same reason. I felt crazy, I cried all morning. My hubby comforted me which only made me feel more guilty that I was making him sad too. Its finally over and for some reason I am dreading the New Year too. It was supposed to be a new year as a mommy, now its just life as usual. Ugh. We are almost over the holidays though - just hang in there!