Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

591 Members
6,628 Posts
0 Online
Women's Health
/ Stillbirth Support Group

I miss him

MeJustHere
MeJustHere
I was having one of my not so great days today but I had kept it to myself. I wasn't in tears or anything. And then it was lunch time. I was sitting with my usual lunch group. There's a new girl who works with me. She knows my story. She wasn't there when I was pregnant but we had talked about it one day when she asked me if I had children. Well, we were having a regular conversation. She was talking about how she and her husband had painted their house before they moved in. I don't know how the topic got from there to where it went but all of a sudden she turns to me anf says, "When you're ready to have kids, I'll come over and make sure your house is baby proof. And my kids can stay the night with you." Really?? I didn't know what to say or do so I just ignored her. I couldn't believe it came out of her mouth. I am ready for children. I was when I was pregnant. We were getting ready to baby proof until the horrible day when I was 28 weeka pregnant and they said, "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat."

I just really miss my angel baby today and needed to get it out.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry. People really do say the stupidest things. Not saying anything must have been hard. I probably would have done the same or exploded at her.
MeJustHere
MeJustHere
That was the hardest part. I'm a very outspoken person. I think that I didn't say anything because I was so taken aback. She knows my story...she KNOWS about my son. I just didn't understand.
deleted_user
deleted_user
some people have no clue what to say. I had my little girl a week ago that i lost at 28 weeks and while in the delivery room all my step mother wanted to talk about was how hard her birth was. it took all i had to bite my toung. she was compairing her healthy birth with the still birth of my child. I know people dont mean to say the wrong thinks but i wish they would think before they speak!

Im sorry you had a bad day, but things can only go up when your on the bottom, and it helps me to think everything happens for a reason.
SophiasMom2010
SophiasMom2010
ugh. i know what you mean. Right after i lost Sophia my sister called me up and started trying to talk me into getting pregnant again! She said she wanted a niece. when i reminded her she had a niece already, she had nothing to say. People can be heartless. I'm sorry.
deleted_user
deleted_user
WOW! Sometimes I think the only ones that know how NOT to put their foot in their mouths are everyone here. What a stupid thing to say. I'm sorry dear, try to let it roll off your back.
deleted_user
deleted_user
She was probably trying to say something nice...that's what I always tell myself when people say stuff that makes me feel mad or badly. I know it doesn't take the sting away, but if you can know it wasn't to hurt you that's better than thinking she meant it to sound the way it did.

I have found that sometimes I wish people just wouldn't try so hard, even though it's nice they are trying at all. We really can't win. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh hun - isn't that the worst? When people who KNOW your situation say things that are just so unbelievably insensitive? Hubby had a similar situation just the other day with one of his colleagues. He has a daughter - about 8 months old...and apparently when he and hubby were at lunch he sat on the phone with his daughter saying stuff like "I love you, who's your super hero, I miss you so much, etc., etc.". Hubby was FURIOUS! I mean this guy knows our situation because hubby explained how hard it is for him and how he misses our baby girl. And the guy seemed to understand and then he turned around and did that and hubby was just PISSED. I'm sorry this happened - just vent away.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh no, some people just say things without thinking first. Someone was once telling me about how they still pay for their 30 yr old to have certain luxuries in life and when I questioned whether it was a good choice, she said to me "when you have your own kids you'll know what it's like". I felt like saying ya, I have a child, she died, remember!?
You have to take these sort of comments carefully, not let them get you going. It's hard but unless this person has suffered a loss like yours she knows not what she does when she offends you like that. Seems thoughtless too us but to her she probably sees nothing wrong.