Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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I just want to be alone.....

Marthar1201
Marthar1201
Since I lost Eli in May 29,2014..... I feel empty. I allow family to be around me. But it seems like I have to fake smiles and that I am fine..... just to make them feel ok about me.. My family are often inviting me to go to their houses.... but I dont feel in the mood of visiting...... I just want to be alone..... my best ftiend invites me for lunch.... but I font want to..... I cant function right without my baby.... There is never a day that passes by that I dont cry for my son. I miss him....... and..... at times I feel like my life doesnt have a meaning...... I am tired of people telling me you can have more kids, you are still young..... NONE OF THAT STUFF IS GETTING MY SON BACK! I KNOW I CAN POSSIBLY HAVE MORE KIDS...... ALL I EVER WANTED IN MY LIFE IS GONE WITH ELI'S DEATH..... He was my first baby.... my love..... my everything....... and he was taken too too early :'( I visit his grave as much as possible to feel close to him...... but at night the day that i lost him plays over and over and over again in my head..... I miss him bad....... My 1st cycle after I lost Eli came and its over...... I want to ttc ASAP..... but I am scare and afraid that it might happen again..... i would hate to go thru the same thing.... Physically I am ready.....it is just the mental and emotional side I font think I would ever be ready...... I am putting myself in God's hand.... hoping He gives me the strenght that I need right now....
Celian
Celian
All your reactions are very normal for a mommy that terribly misses her baby. Cry as much as you need to..fully express all your feelings in safe ways, that is called grieving..its hard work but you need to do it, at your own pace in your own unique way. If it helps you, have a memorial/keepsake of Eli with you. I wear a bracelet inscribed with my daughter's name everyday. I find it comforting. Also, knowing that Sinza would like her mommy to be happy motivates me to keep making the effort, especially when i visit her grave..i try to be cheerful and tell her happy bedtime stories..jus like mothers of living children would. I know its hard honey, my thoughts are with you today
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel you... I totally understand because i also want to be alone all the time. I also cry and feel lonely without My Elas. He was Also My first baby and he because the love of My life. Since the moment i realized i was pregnant he became the love of my life. It was so hard when i saw no heart beat when they were scanning Elas. It was because i just stopped feeling his movements. It is so scary to try again, i am really afraid even though i really want to be pregnant and have a baby. In also tired of hearing people telling me you are still young, you will have more babies blablabla!!! Nothing of that is bringing My Elas back. People just dont understand our pain . We need to trust God and know that He has a reason for Everything. Our babies were to special for earth. I also had My first cycle and I want to be pregnant but im very scared. I can only say that we need to trust in God and whenever we get pregnant that will be the perfect timing That God has chosen for us to be pregnant again. You are all in My prayers and My heart. Blessings to all!!! We are all in the same pain and I feel better when we have this conversations. Thank you!
Marthar1201
Marthar1201
Thank you ladies..... I feel like sometimes I am making improvement in making and effort to be happy....but its hard because the day I had my little angel Eli pops in my head over and over again. And I just think about him.......and I go back to my depression and crying etc.... I have seen those bracelets (Celian) and I am really looking forward to get one ASAP...I also sing nursery rhymes to my Eli when I visit him at the commentary.....I am a preschool teacher.... and when I was pregnant with Eli he would move a lot when we were on our bible circle time....and sang songs about Jesus and God....... so I keep singing those songs for my little sunshine.
Eliasmom... my husband and I had a conversation Sunday night and we came to the agreement to try again...... he supports me 100%...... He tries his best to cheer me up and not see me sad..... Hopefully God grants me the opportunity to have another healthy son/daughter.... Thank you again ladies for your support........ My prayers to you and your angels.....