Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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AngelJeremysMom 12/28/2011

I've been asked this question several times since Jeremy's funeral. At first it made me very uncomfortable, sad and then I would worry about making others uncomfortable... then tonight someone asked me again "How many Children do you have?"
"That's a loaded Question." I answered. "We have two one is playing in the other room and the other is in heaven."
I could see it made the women uncomfortable to hear my answer but it also felt good for me to say it, I refuse to ignore my angels existence and pretend he was never born just to save someone from being uncomfortable.

What do you say?

deleted_user 12/28/2011

I say I have one daughter who is an angel. And a bonus daughter since I hate the word stepdaughter. I will never say I don't have any children because I do. I gave birth to my daughter. Just because she doesn't physically exist on this earth she does in my heart. I could care less if it makes anybody uncomfortable either. I'll say it loud and say it proud until the day that I am able to see my angel again.

deleted_user 12/28/2011

In my job I get asked that question all the time by complete strangers, and I only respond with "I am a mother of an angel." I am a mother, always will be. I refuse to allow people to ignore her existence.

If our answers make people uncomfortable, then maybe they shouldn't have asked the question.

sanitytbd 12/28/2011

I tell people I have 2 girls with wings. They are my girls, and I refuse to deny their existence just because their hearts no longer beat. They used to, and I recorded Tabi's heartbeat before she passed to prove it.

My thought is this:
If your 5, 10, or even adult child dies, do you acknowledge that they exhisted? Of course - they were real, and you were "Mommy" for however many years you had them. It's no different for us - Just because we were "Mommy" for a shorter time doesn't make us any less their Mommies (Or Daddies, as the case may be).

deleted_user 12/28/2011

I haven't been asked that question yet, but I agree with all of you. My angel daughter will always be my second child. I will answer honestly and if it makes them uncomfortable, then that's their problem.

deleted_user 12/28/2011

I always tell people (even my students) that I have twins who were stillborn (I usually have to explain to my students that they died). I agree with the others, they are my children, if only for too brief a time, and I will always acknowledge them. My parents also include them in their grandchildren count, along with my niece who passed away at 2 1/2 years old.
I don't really care if it makes others feel uncomfortable. Our children should not be excluded simply because people don't like to hear that stillbirth and infant death exist.

deleted_user 12/28/2011

I think when I eventually get asked then I will say I have 2 daughters. If they ask how old they are, I will tell them how old my first daughter is and say that my other daughter is an Angel. I cannot deny her! Not even to a stranger. I just love her too much.

deleted_user 12/29/2011

I am a server and in my server book I carry a picture of my sons first school pic he just turned 5 and on the other side i have a pic of Oliver my angel. I have my 2 boys with me everyday while Im at work. I say I have an angel here on earth and one in heaven. My first son was a miracle baby so he is my angel here on earth. Without him I would not be able to survive.

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