Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Just wanted to drop a quick thank you to everyone who posted publicly or sent pm regarding the holidays. Many of you shared that you were not even dealing with family, which certainly made my decision to not go to my in-laws more solid for me. I have NEVER liked my in-laws, as they are very selfish people. When this awful tragedy occurred, my mother-in-law felt the need to broadcast the fact that she had come over to our house and put sheets on the bed. Not only did she feel the need to tell my husband, but also told my mother and me. Mind you, my mother had taken my older daughter to Florida for a five day vacation: they landed in FL, got the call from my husband, and turned around and flew homenot once mentioning what they had gone through or how much money my mom lost. Then, my MIL had the nerve to sit with my mother and tell her that this horrible situation was harder for her than my husband or I because she had to mourn Stephen, but also help my husband cope. She hasn't helped my husband do a damn thing since he left home at 17 to join the Navy. I believe that the opinion that this was harder for her should have been kept to herself, and CERTAINLY not shared with my mother. I felt very guilty for a long time for not liking her or my father-in-law, but I will not do that any more. As many of you have pointed out, there is no time for false relationships, and sometimes even family has to be cut out in order for us to take care of our own well-being. Thanks for being so supportive and reading this LOOONNGGG rant!
I'm happy that you decided to do what was best for you and your husband during the holiday season. I actually decided that I wanted to be around family because otherwise I felt I wouldve been super depressed on top of how low Im feeling at times. But thats okay. I think its just important for us all to do what seems to give us some sort of peace.
You are the ones that endured 1 of the hardest tragedies of life: losing a child, and I'm so sorry your MIL made the comment. While it may have also been difficult for her, no comparison should've been made by her to you and your husband's grief because that doesn't change the situation and doesn't help anybody feel better. While I do believe, it's very difficult for other family members, especially the Grandparents, I do believe that the loss experience is different for both the parents & Grandparents. My Mother mentioned to me that it was very hard losing her first and only grandchild but that it was also difficult watching me suffer and mourn because it was the 1st time in life where I was hurting so badly and there was very little she could do to truly fix the situation because she couldn't bring my sweet baby back. I noticed that my Mother also took the loss pretty hard because sometimes it was as if she was more excited about the baby than me. She also didn't go shopping for any other children this year which I also feel has something to do with the loss of my son.
I purchased a book for her and read it, its called "For Bereaved Grandparents" by Margaret H. Gerner. It's a short read that does really capture the complexity of the grieving process for the Grandparents. If youre feeling up to it one day, maybe you can purchase it for your babys Grandparents or maybe even read through it also to sort of allow you to see things from a different perspective. It also gives the Grandparents the perspective of how different it is for the parents. I actually found it very helpful to be able to sort of see things from my Moms view.
Again, Im very sorry about the comment your MIL made. And while we dont understand a Grandparents grief, Im sure its also difficult. But again, I dont see why any comparison was made to you and your husband. All together though, its a horrible situation for the whole family, especially the parents (you & your husbands) so try not to let her comment stress you even more. I hope that one day you all can comfort one another. Hugs to you dear.
Nicole