Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Last night I just cried like a little girl for about an hour. I couldn't stop beating myself up over what has happened to my two pregnancies. I just couldn't stop thinking of the drinks I had before I knew I was pregnant both times, the sips of wine I let my sister talk me into when I was 6 months pregnant with Sophia, I didn't get drunk of even tipsy, but I had heard from so many damn Portland hippies that it is fine to have wine during pregnancy, even my doctor said it's not a huge deal to have a few sips, now even remembering it makes my chest get tight and I get sick to my stomach thinking how stupid I was.
The coffees I had, sitting in a car with two people who were smoking, the tuna I ate even though I knew it was bad but I was just craving it so much. EVERYTHING that most women can get away with during their pregnancies I am now agonizing over, I don't know what caused my stillbirth or miscarriage, and I know you will all say "it's not your fault", well, easier said than done.
I just hate this, I'm SICK AND DAMN TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A MURDERER! It's been so long now since Sophia, and I had my miscarriage last month, I'm just wondering if this is ever going to go away.
I just want to know what happened to my baby girl and the little embryo that should have been my 2nd baby. Why is that so much to ask God?
scratch that, all I want is a time machine, a living breathing beautiful 15 month old baby girl, and to be able to sleep without horrible nightmares. That's all I want for Christmas, and I won't be getting any of it. Screw the holidays, you never get what you really want.
The coffees I had, sitting in a car with two people who were smoking, the tuna I ate even though I knew it was bad but I was just craving it so much. EVERYTHING that most women can get away with during their pregnancies I am now agonizing over, I don't know what caused my stillbirth or miscarriage, and I know you will all say "it's not your fault", well, easier said than done.
I just hate this, I'm SICK AND DAMN TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A MURDERER! It's been so long now since Sophia, and I had my miscarriage last month, I'm just wondering if this is ever going to go away.
I just want to know what happened to my baby girl and the little embryo that should have been my 2nd baby. Why is that so much to ask God?
scratch that, all I want is a time machine, a living breathing beautiful 15 month old baby girl, and to be able to sleep without horrible nightmares. That's all I want for Christmas, and I won't be getting any of it. Screw the holidays, you never get what you really want.
deleted_user
I question everything I did in my pregnancy, too. The sad, cold reality that none of my questioning or doubting will ever bring her back - hits my like a sledgehammer. Sometimes life seems like nothing but struggle and heartache. Here's hoping that we can still find beauty in this life, especially in the little things that sometimes make it all worth it. You're children love you and we are here to help you through. ((Hugs)) and prayers for you.
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