I've struggled with depression since my teens and I have been in some very dark dark places in my life. I know myself well enough now that I had to set up a support network right away. I have already seen a psychologist on Tuesday and was honestly PAINFUL... but I felt better afterwards. I also joined a group called RTS-Relief Through Sharing and it's a pregnancy loss support group through my local hospital. I'm terrified because I'll have to go alone, due to my fiance having to leave town for work that day. I know I need it... but that's me. I have found so much comfort from this site and all of the people here... so I can only hope that the more I reach out the better I am. I hope and pray for you every day and I wish I could make all the pain go away for you. Time will help but only in your OWN time...
Lots of hugs and prayers...

It was scary going back to work, but after that first day I was glad I was back to as close as my normal routine as I could get. It's a good distraction, and it's good to get out of the house. Otherwise I'd be at home all the time. I'm less likely now to want to hang out with friends, but I try if they reach out.

As far as talking goes, you are talking - to us. I hope you can talk to your husband as well. As long as you're talking to someone. And don't apologize for rambling - that's what this site is for!

You should try the grief counseling, it will help to talk to someone. You will feel better afterwards.

I definitely think you should try some counseling. Your grief is impinging on your ability to do everyday things. Talking out loud can be very painful, but also very cathartic. Maybe the hospital or your ob/gyn could recommend someone for you to see or a group to attend. I had several sessions with a specialist midwife/grief counselor and it really helped me. She was very gentle and let me pour everything out. (Shame I waited 32 years to do it!) Don't wait and hope things will get better- try to organize something now. And if you don't feel you "click with the first person you see, give it a bit of time before you give up on it or move on to someone else. Expect it to be painful, but know that it will help.

Thank you for the replies. I have my first appt with a grief specialist tomorrow/Tuesday at 8am. I'm so afriad I won't be able to talk (I'm really terrible at it!) I just know I am going to cry & cry & cry!!!!!!!! I know for my sake & everyone around me (esp my angel) I need to do it.

I'm so sorry for your struggles and I completely understand. I delivered my sleeping son Oct 26 when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I started seeing a pregnancy loss therapist a month ago. You are grieving normally, howerver, therapy is a good idea for anyone. I find it to be so enlightening and it's nice to talk to someone face-to-face who can normalize my feelings and give me helpful insight into what I'm going to face. I am taking Prozac currenlty. My loss therapist and I are trying to figure out if I am indeed depressed or if I am simply experiencing normal depression from the loss of my baby. If it is grief, I will be going off of the Prozac soon. I also attend 3 live support groups that I find extremely helpful. It's nice to talk to other parents who know exactly what I'm going through. My therapy and support groups truly help keep me sane. DO IT : )

I was very fearfull to return to work. I work at a jail and my co-workers are counselors. I had a few work friends tell everyone what I was going through. I went back a day early to say "hi" and get the initial seeing people for the first time over with. Work is awesome now. I still have days where I can't concentrate and have cried a few times, but for the most part it makes me feel like I have a purpose again. You work homecare so you may have the luxury of not having to see a whole bunch of people. I don't know. Go back when you are ready. I waited 1 month but know of angel moms who took full maternity leave.
Big hugs to you!
Amy

I hope that the grief counseling helps you... I know that mine really helps me. I am going to my very first group tonight. The RTS group... I am nervous. Don't worry about crying... it's ok. You do need to do it... remember we're all here for you. *hugs*