Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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SophiasMom2010 01/12/2011

Someone very close to me is having a baby. She told me she was pregnant a few weeks after i lost Sophia, she was actually about 5 weeks when i was in the hospital. I was jealous and sad and hurt that God could put so many babies everywhere i look. But now I know that this baby is a girl, which is twice as bad because ... well you guys get it. And i find myself getting more and more pissed off because this girl drinks beer and smokes cigarettes every day and eats junk food and does whatever she wants and this will be her second healthy baby.

Its just not fair that I had to lose Sophia when I did all i could so she would be healthy, and she was the one who died. I don't know how to handle this... I don't want to be a b**** and ruin this for her, and its none of my business what she does while she's pregnant, but I don't think I can be there like i was for her last pregnancy, i even helped her deliver her son last time! This time I know I can't handle it. What should I do? How can I be there for her without going nuts?

deleted_user 01/13/2011

If you are hurting that bad, just tell her It is to soon for me and you wish her the best. I know how you feel, I have my niece giving birth to twins in a few days and all she does is eat cheese bread and drink sodas. I know its not as bad as beer and cigs but it the same. And to add insult to injury I read our companys news letter there are 3 women that are pregnant. I wondered why none of them would look at am and speak and now I know why. Its ok to hurt, I had a hell of a week last week and I totally fell apart, but its ok. You dont know what God has in store for these women that dont do right. Im not wishing bad on anyone but you never know.
I hpoe you feel better.

Janay

deleted_user 01/13/2011

I hear you.. My sister told me she is going to have another baby a couple months ago. I too and afraid of how much I will be able to help her. I was there the whole time with her last pregnancy/delevery. I know she won't expect the same from me this time. I am told myself that this neice/nephew will HAVE to be the first baby I hold since losing my baby girl. Hopefully she will understand your feelings and be gentle with you about that. For me it has given me a "goal" to prepare myself for this baby and be able to hold it. I am happy for her for sure but it is bittersweet for me. Hang in there.

SophiasMom2010 01/13/2011

I don't think I can hold this baby... I'm just scared I won't be able to bond with her like i did with her brother. I've held a nine month old but no way could i hold a newborn!

deleted_user 01/13/2011

If she is truly close to you, then she will completely understand if you tell her the truth. Tell her you don't think you can help as you did last time, it's just too hard. It brings back too many sad memories, and you'd rather wait until you can share in the happiness. Let her know that you might change your mind between now and then, and that you will keep her posted if something changes, but for now, you don't feel comfortable at all being there in this capacity and she needs to plan for you not to be there for awhile.

You can help in a ton of other ways. Can you make some meals to drop off or freeze ahead of time? Can you do some errands for her? You can always send a card or gift, something thoughtful. I just think honesty is the best policy when it comes to someone close to you. I can't imagine she would expect the same help after what you have been through, but it can't hurt to lay it out there.
Good luck! It's hard...but you can do it.

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