So you all might have read my rant about the dr's office not calling me last week. Well a nurse from the office finally called me this morning stating that the CRNP was trying to call me from her home this weekend but had gotten my number wrong, whatever I'm still very mad at their office. But anyhow, 1st I am not diabetic so that was a huge relief. 2nd all of our test results are back and everything was normal. So it is official... we will NEVER get a cause for Jameson's death. I am partially regretting not having an autopsy done now. I don't even remember discussing what we wanted done with Jameson with my husband. I don't remember much from the hospital or much from the whole 1st month for that matter. I remember being asked if we wanted an autopsy and my husband just answered and we never talked about it alone. We didn't know a lot of things like we do now. I thought I was prepared to hear that we would not have a reason; but, when it became real I was still caught off gaurd and my heart and stomach just dropped. How did anybody else get through the not knowing. How was everything fine and perfect and Jameson not be here. I listened to his hearbeat for hours, literally hours because of all of my NST's. I know my baby was perfect and finally knowing there was no known cause is really hard for me. Ugh I feel like I'm back to square one. On the plus side today was my 1st day back to work and it went much better than I had anticipated. It was just my reminder that life goes on. i knew today was going to be hard but them calling me this morning just made things so much worse. It was like an overload to have to have 2 major things happen emotionally on the same day. I just want my baby boy here so bad and am having such mixed emotions about not having a reason for him to not be here.