I still feel that way. Ill catch my self doing something that I did before I was pregnant without a second thought and now I stop and think I shouldnt be doing this and then I remember Max is gone and Im not pregant anymore. When I got my first monthy curse after Max, I started to freak out and was ready to run to the ER, then my brain caught up with my body and I realized I wasnt pregnant anymore and this is normal. I just sat there sad and numb that I shouldnt be getting this. I should be 7 months pregnant. It was like my body was saying all is back to normal but my brain wont say the same. It sucks going back to a normal routine in life like none of this ever happened.We should be running around changing diapers, warming milk, picking up toys not packing up baby things and shutting them away cause its a constant reminder of what we dont have.Its nice to make it thru a full minute without thinking about what we lost, but at the same time the second the memory comes back its like reliving the whole thing over again.I sometimes wonder if the numbness ever goes away when I think about my son.

It's only been since Feb.17 since I lost mary but I already feel like I was never pregnant. It all happened so fast, it took 8 1/2 months to love and grow her and only one night to loose her. I should still be pregnant with a due date of march 21st, but I have nothing of her left. It was so hard to see her little clothes and toys I had to put them away.

I feel the exact same way. . I still hold my belly in the shower and try to feel like she's still in there. . And just stare at the wall in disbelief that she's not and that I don't have her in my belly or an 8 month old waiting for her mommy. I stare at my line and my stretch marks that I once loved cause I knew it meant my girl was growing. . Now its just an ugly empty belly and I think to myself is this real,did this all really happen?