Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Hi everyone. I don't know where to start... A week or so ago I decided I wanted to get my husband the perfect gift for Christmas. I wanted it to be important and something that would be from me and Jameson. I finally figured out what to get him. See my husband had a tazmanian devil angel pin that was his fathers. My husbands father passes away when my husband was 9 years old. So we don't have much to remember his father by. Well I had wanted my husband to know that I think about his father and that I had wanted to show him that his father was there with us when we had Jameson. Afterall Jameson's middle name, Timothy, was after my husbands father. So I took the pin with me to the hospital and was planning to suprise my husband with it on Monday morning when we got induced. (I was not dilated at all or anything so was having a 2-step induction done so we went to the hospital Sunday night and were suppose to start cervidil and then start the pitocin Monday morning) Anyhow the pin is something that was very important to my husband. Not only was it his fathers but ironically it was a symbol how his father was always an angel looking down on him. When we were picking out Jameson's outfit for his burial my husband decided that he wanted to bury Jameson with the pin and put it on the colar of Jameson's shirt. Tyler, his mom, my mom, and my dad all went to the mall and they each picked out an outfit for Jameson and brought them all to the hospital for me. So I got to pick out his outfit from the 4 that they brought me. They didn't tell me who had picked out what until after I had decided. I ended up picking out the outfit that my husband had picked. Sorry but I felt I had to describe the backround or the story 1st. Anyhow, so Jameson was burried with the pin. I decided that for my husband for Christmas I wanted to find him the same pin and I thought it was going to be the perfect gift to be from me and Jameson and it was going to be such a symbol of so many different things. I spent a couple of hours looking for it before I ended up finding it on ebay. We didn't really have the extra money but I ordered it anyhow. I had been anxiously waiting for it to get here. I just couldn't wait and I was so proud about getting this "perfect" gift for my husband. Well it finally came today and we were on our way to my parents house. I just couldnt seem to get there fast enough to open it and see it (my parents literally only live maybe 3-4 miles away from us) My husband was outside helping my dad so I walked in and just started explaining it to my mom while I opened it. I finally got it open (it was a package in a package in a package) and discovered that it is not the same thing. Well it is but its about 4 times bigger. I wanted it to be the same... I NEEDED it to be the same. It was a symbol of so much and now its not what I wanted. Its the only one I have been able to find. My husband asked whats wrong and I just told him how is gift isn't what I thought and he was like just return it then. I tried to explain to him how he just wont understand until he opens it. I am so disappointed and just want to cry over this. I know its not that big of a deal its only a Christmas gift but it just meant so much to me to do this for my husband and now its just not the same. SIgh. Should I just give my husband his gift now so he can just hold me while I cry over this?
My husband loves Godzilla movies...all Godzilla movies, even the ones dubed into English and are totally tacky. He has several little figurines too. Anyway, in the first few years of our dating relationship, my mother had traveled to New York and brought back gifts(to be given at Christmas) for everyone. She was so super excited to give my husband (boyfriend at the time) his gift that it was all she talked about.She is the type of person that always want to find the perfect gift for people. When the time came for him to open in...well...let's just say he deserved an oscar for his performance. She purchased an ornament...of King Kong in New York. She had gotten King Kong confused with Godzilla! How could she?! HA! We never told her the mistake she made and now when we decorate our tree and hang that stupid King Kong ornament, we have the biggest laugh. That ornament is treasured now, but will be even more so when she is gone. That gift came from such a loving place that we would never break her heart telling her how funny it is to us.
What I am trying to say is that even though you didn't get the perfect tazmanian devil, maybe you weren't meant to. Just like our angels are so special and precious to us, that pin was so special to your husband and is now with your precious son. Perhaps it was meant to be one of a kind. Maybe this new one can be the new something special for the two of you that still comes from the most loving of place in your heart. Maybe in years it will even bring you laughs when you look at it knowing it wasn't at all what you expected it to be, but treasure it all the same.
I hope this gives you a reason to smile about what happened with the pin and not be sad over it. I think it was meant to be....your Jameson may have had something to do with it too!!!
Hugs!