Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Today my husband and I were going to go to a family gathering for Father's Day. I knew it would be hard based on the fact of the day, but I completely for got that my cousin would be there. She is pregnant with a little girl and our due dates were nine days apart. I completely lost it. I couldn't quit crying long enough to be able to stay. I had seen other pregnant women before, but there was something about knowing that our due dates were so close and we had been the same size. Just knowing that it was how I would have looked and felt, how I was SUPPOSED to be, was just overwhelming. It seemed so unfair.
Then I started to think about how I would feel about her baby. We were both having girls, so now every time I see her daughter for the rest of my life I will be reminded of how old my little girl would have been. How on Earth am I ever going to be able to cope with that? Honestly, I don't know how I will ever not cry when I see her, or even be able to be around them. If I couldn't even get over it long enough today to make it through one meal, how will I be okay? I see time curing the pain of losing my daughter, but a constant reminder is just too much. How will I be able to deal with this torture?
Then I started to think about how I would feel about her baby. We were both having girls, so now every time I see her daughter for the rest of my life I will be reminded of how old my little girl would have been. How on Earth am I ever going to be able to cope with that? Honestly, I don't know how I will ever not cry when I see her, or even be able to be around them. If I couldn't even get over it long enough today to make it through one meal, how will I be okay? I see time curing the pain of losing my daughter, but a constant reminder is just too much. How will I be able to deal with this torture?
The thing I realized that helped me a little was that even if I have a baby this year or next, my baby and theirs won't be that far apart and will still be able to play together. (I realized this watching my Lena and her cousin Kelsie play, Lena is 4 1/2, Kelsie is almost 3.) Somehow realizing that at least that future wasn't lost, of our kids playing together, helped me so much. It was such a relief, to know that all was not lost (that is, if I can manage to get pregnant again - a post for another board).
In the end, I think it just comes down to the sad fact that we will always be thinking of our babies, ALWAYS. No matter who or what is put in front of us as a reminder. That's something I struggle with daily, sometimes hourly. Something that occurred to me very shortly after they told me Gianna was dead - this is forever. Now it's just a matter of fitting it into our lives somehow.
The finality of what has happened to us has been the hardest part for me. This will never be okay. We'll never be over it. And even though I wish it was a horrible nightmare that we could all wake up from, it's not. But I do think time helps. So does the support of all of the moms here who unfortunately know your pain.
Give yourself time. Some days you might be okay with these reminders of your precious baby and some days it's almost unbearable, but you will get through. You're so strong to have been through what you have already. Hugs, Michelle
Be patient with yourself. These are big steps. Hugs-Heather