Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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cruelty

SophiasMom2010
SophiasMom2010
Ok, so I may be the only one.

My best friend was pregnant at the same time as me, and she had her daughter the day after my Sophia was born, in the same hospital, in the room next to mine. My sister had a baby when I was 5 weeks pregnant, and another 9 months after my baby was born. HOW HORRIBLE is it that when I get around them I want to cry, a year and a half later. When My sis's baby was born I wouldn't hold her for the first month because I thought my heart would break, but then I fell in love with her. Now she has passed the tiny baby stage, and is walking, just like my BFF's baby. It makes me feel so bad to know my daughter will never do these things, and I had to leave her house yesterday before I cried, yet I cried while driving the whole 25 miles home....

I can't stand to be around my nieces and nephews and everytime my friend calls me talking about her daughter who is A DAY YOUNGER than my Sophia I want to beat my head against the wall...

Is anyone else feeling this?? Am I a horrible person for this?
terranickole
terranickole
no you certainly are not a horrible person, many of my friends from nursing school and I were pregnant at the same time and they are all having their babies now I want nothing to do with them or see anything about them. my fiances sister is 5 months pregnant and we most likely will have nothing to do with it either, we actually had to stop talking to part of his family over the whole ordeal because we were told to "not ruin" the pregnancy for his sister because of our tragedy. WE do not want to be included any any baby talk and we shouldn't be expected to.
bjejvj
bjejvj
I think the way you feel makes sense, especially since you want another one so badly. I cant stand talking to this lady I was pregnant with. Her son was born less than 3 weeks after my angel and it just kills me to hear her talking about him. She wants to go out to lunch one day but I just cant put myself through that kind of torture so think Ill pass on lunch. I hope for you and for me that it gets easier to deal with children around the age of our angels. Seems like the only way that will get easier is to just not care or not think about it. But thats impossiblethey would have been 1, then 2, then 5 and 10.

Sorry, guess I didnt really help. Well, I dont think youre horrible for the feeling you have.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have lost one of my best friends because of this same problem. I just can't be around her any more. It makes me so sad but I just can't do it. I know how you feel. I think she understands tho. She knows I still love her because I tell her all the time but I just can't have the same relationship as we used to.
deleted_user
deleted_user
you are not alone. My little siser had her daughter 3 days after my Stellas EDD (stella was 19 days early) and we had spent every day of our pregnancy together. our sons are the same age too and best buds. so when we are together stellas absence is so HUGE, my insides crumble. My sister in law had a boy 6 weeks after too. I dont know how my husband finds peace being around them when it hurts me so deeply. the longing and absence of our little girl kills me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's normal to feel that way. I think your friends daughter being born while you were in the hospital grieving will always make it difficult bc they would be the same age. I don't know if I could handle it. I tend to be reclusive when depressed and I've stopped spending time with a lot of people and doing certain things bc I just don't wan't to.
SophiasMom2010
SophiasMom2010
thank you ladies so much. I wasn't looking for advice or a fix-all, I just wanted to know I wasn't alone. It's just so hard to keep these relationships when I love my friends and sister so much, but they all have kids and they all bring it up when I say I'm tired or stressed they say "well, you don't have 2 kids running around." they don't say it to hurt me but it still stings like hell. I wish so bad...
ugh. nvm. Thank you ladies, for everything. Big hugs
eventer00
eventer00
I am feeling exactly the same as you. My sister and sister-in-law both had babies a month before me. I couldn't hold them for the longest time but once the pain subsided a little bit, I fell in love with them too. Unfortunately, there will always be that cloud over my relationship with my nieces. Everytime I look at them I wonder how Junior would have fit into the equation since he would only be a month younger than them. No matter what happens for the rest of my life, every milestone they hit will be a bittersweet moment for me. I am still very angry about that.

It doesn't help that I have also taken over the class of a co-teacher who I was pregnant with. She gave birth about 2 months before me and instead of being on maternity leave with her, I had to come back to work and cover her leave. I guess that's irony for you.

We are not horrible people. We lost a child and all the hopes and dreams that went along with them. So we feel what we feel. No one can blame us for that. ((Hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are definitely not a horrible person. My wife and I went through almost the exact same scenario, only it was with a close cousin who had her baby right at the same time as our Sophie (Sophia was our name too)

It was only just recently that we finally were able to handle a short visit and interact with the baby a bit.

I actually created my account on this forum because your post hit so close to home that I had to reply. You probably don't get a lot of men on here talking and I don't think I would have had I not come across this post.

I can't guarantee that you'll be able to get over this, but we're starting to, so take that for what it's worth.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh great, my nephew (a preemie OF COURSE) is only five days old and I feel like this. I was hoping it would get better! At least my sister in law is very understanding, and my brother in law is kind of oblivious so he just won't be offended when I have to decline holding their son or babysitting for them, etc. I am trying really hard to be there for them but I also know myself and that I need to keep my distance.
It hurts so badly that we want to be there for these people--be with them--but their presence makes it hard to ignore the fact there is a GAPING hole where our angels should be. Big sigh.