Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Hello all,
My husband and I lost our son, Alexander, to stillbirth on January 20. I was 32 weeks and had just started going to my OB and specialist (gestational diabetes) each once a week. Saw the OB on Tuesday for a non-stress test, and everything was fine. I left the appointment with the happy news that the office would be calling to schedule my c-section for the week of March 5. Went to the specialist on Friday for a biophysical profile (ultrasound due to gest. diabetes) and was informed there was no heartbeat. I ended up having my c-section that night and was in the hospital for three days to recover. In the delivery room, the doctor informed us that the cord appeared shorter than normal, was wrapped around the baby's neck, and that he possibly might have had Down syndrome. A lot of information to absorb in one night.
We are still in shock over everything that happened. I think a part of me is still trying to wake up from some terrible dream. There were some minor complications during my pregnancy, but nothing that seemed (at the time) to indicate what we were in for. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes around week 16 (I was checked earlier since I had it with my first pregnancy), and saw the same specialist that I did 4 years ago when I was pregnant with my first son. I had started medication to control my blood sugars about a week before this happened, and on the way to the hospital I had convinced myself that the medication had poisoned the baby and that's why he had no heartbeat. The doctors assured me that the medication was safe, even though information I have found about it indicate that it should not be prescribed to pregnant women unless absolutely necessary.
Around week 13, an ultrasound showed that the nuchal fold on Alexander's neck was measuring thicker than normal, which could have been an indication of Down syndrome. However, my specialist checked again at week 16 and said it was measuring within normal parameters, so we trusted his assessment and didn't end up having genetic testing. We're still waiting on testing that was done with part of the placenta and some of Alexander's tissue to see if he did indeed have Down syndrome. Also, the specialist had commented on another ultrasound that the cord didn't appear to be in the "regular place" and since he didn't make a big deal out of it, neither did I. Now, looking back, I wonder if there were signs after all and I'm angry if something could have been done.
My husband has been as heartbroken as me, and today marks the first day he returned to work. My parents were here with us the first week or so, thank goodness, because we needed help dealing with the funeral home. Today marks the first day I have been alone since all of this happened, and so far I think I have been OK. I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions, and today I think I'm set on angry. I'm angry this happened, angry something couldn't have been done, angry I am out on my maternity leave that I was so looking forward to, but with no baby to take care of.
We also have a three year old son, Colin, and he has been our shining star through all of this. He doesn't fully understand what has happened, but talks of "baby brother Alexander" often and hugs me whenever I cry (all the time!). My husband and I know we need to stay strong for him, but sometimes it is so hard to keep it together.
Anyways. Sorry to start off with such a huge post, but I really need to connect to people who understand exactly what we're going through. Our friends and family have been very supportive, but it's hard since they cannot fully understand the pain and heartache we're going through. I found this forum while searching for support groups and have read many of your stories. My heart breaks for each of you and for our babies who should be here with us right now.
My husband and I lost our son, Alexander, to stillbirth on January 20. I was 32 weeks and had just started going to my OB and specialist (gestational diabetes) each once a week. Saw the OB on Tuesday for a non-stress test, and everything was fine. I left the appointment with the happy news that the office would be calling to schedule my c-section for the week of March 5. Went to the specialist on Friday for a biophysical profile (ultrasound due to gest. diabetes) and was informed there was no heartbeat. I ended up having my c-section that night and was in the hospital for three days to recover. In the delivery room, the doctor informed us that the cord appeared shorter than normal, was wrapped around the baby's neck, and that he possibly might have had Down syndrome. A lot of information to absorb in one night.
We are still in shock over everything that happened. I think a part of me is still trying to wake up from some terrible dream. There were some minor complications during my pregnancy, but nothing that seemed (at the time) to indicate what we were in for. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes around week 16 (I was checked earlier since I had it with my first pregnancy), and saw the same specialist that I did 4 years ago when I was pregnant with my first son. I had started medication to control my blood sugars about a week before this happened, and on the way to the hospital I had convinced myself that the medication had poisoned the baby and that's why he had no heartbeat. The doctors assured me that the medication was safe, even though information I have found about it indicate that it should not be prescribed to pregnant women unless absolutely necessary.
Around week 13, an ultrasound showed that the nuchal fold on Alexander's neck was measuring thicker than normal, which could have been an indication of Down syndrome. However, my specialist checked again at week 16 and said it was measuring within normal parameters, so we trusted his assessment and didn't end up having genetic testing. We're still waiting on testing that was done with part of the placenta and some of Alexander's tissue to see if he did indeed have Down syndrome. Also, the specialist had commented on another ultrasound that the cord didn't appear to be in the "regular place" and since he didn't make a big deal out of it, neither did I. Now, looking back, I wonder if there were signs after all and I'm angry if something could have been done.
My husband has been as heartbroken as me, and today marks the first day he returned to work. My parents were here with us the first week or so, thank goodness, because we needed help dealing with the funeral home. Today marks the first day I have been alone since all of this happened, and so far I think I have been OK. I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions, and today I think I'm set on angry. I'm angry this happened, angry something couldn't have been done, angry I am out on my maternity leave that I was so looking forward to, but with no baby to take care of.
We also have a three year old son, Colin, and he has been our shining star through all of this. He doesn't fully understand what has happened, but talks of "baby brother Alexander" often and hugs me whenever I cry (all the time!). My husband and I know we need to stay strong for him, but sometimes it is so hard to keep it together.
Anyways. Sorry to start off with such a huge post, but I really need to connect to people who understand exactly what we're going through. Our friends and family have been very supportive, but it's hard since they cannot fully understand the pain and heartache we're going through. I found this forum while searching for support groups and have read many of your stories. My heart breaks for each of you and for our babies who should be here with us right now.
You described it perfectly, a roller coaster of emotions. I know exactly what you mean. It comes in waves. I would be feeling ok, then a huge wave of gried would hit me and it felt like I was back at the beginning. There is no trick to this. It takes time. Let yourself feel whatever emotions come over you at any time. You will never heal completely, but time will make this easier to deal with. You will learn to live with your grief, but will never lose it.
I had never lost anyone close to me or experienced death in a personal way before, and this opened my eyes to how fragile and special life is. My first daughter (Alexandra) has been my miracle. She doesn't understand what has happened, but I talk to her about Julianne. Someday she will know what it means to have a sister in heaven. I know it is hard to keep it together for your son, but don't feel like you have to. It is good for him to see his parents feel emotion. He will understand someday and will grow up knowing that he has a little brother that is watching over him.
I'm glad you have supportive friends and family. Even though they don't understand your pain, they will try their best to be there for you and help you heal. My worst fear is that my friends/family will forget Julianne. But in talking to some of them, I know that are feeling this loss too.
Feel free to message me anytime. I was so grateful to find this site and talk to other angel mommys who knew what I was feeling. I hope I can offer support and comfort to you as was offered to me when I joined.
I did not get the book as my stepson is older, but it was highly reviewed.
I am sorry you had to join the group, but I know I have found comfort and support here with these amazing women.
Don't be afraid to ask what you need too or rant when you need too Xx
I am worried about my three year old, though. He's had potty accidents the past two days, and last night at bedtime he seemed really down. I asked him if he was sad, and he said he's sad about his baby brother. Before everything happened, we had talked about how the baby was eventually going to be in his room, and he was going to get a new bedroom. So, last night he was worried that the baby was going to sleep in the hallway. I assured him that wasn't going to happen, and that it's OK to be sad (all with tears streaming down my face), that Mommy and Daddy are sad, too. I bought a book to read to him, We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead, but I can't bring myself to read it to him quite yet.
I was feeling OK today, but then I saw a commercial for an online website where you can make baby scrapbooks. I wanted to change the channe,l but I just couldn't move.