I have to say that I agree with everything you said. There are plenty of wonderful men and women that are unable to conceive who would make amazing parents. It seems like instead of these women having multiple abortions just because they can't be responsible that they should instead have to carry their baby and give them up for adoption if they are not willing to care for their babies themselves. I know that sounds kind of blunt but it's pretty unfair that some women just don't use protection and thousands of babies are dying every day because of it when there are millions of people longing for children and can't have them due to physical problems. Rape and incest and life threatening illness and things of that nature are one thing but it's a whole other ballgame when it comes to all of these mindless abortions for no reason at all other than they made an oppsie and don't want to deal with the consequence. Over the past five years or so I have known three women that have had abortions and all of them were already mothers to their beautiful children. All of them just had an oppsie and "took care of it". None of them were in any kind of dangerous living situation or had any kind of life threatening disease. They just were irresponsible and that was their easy way out. Even then before I was even pregnant with caydence I could never imagine how somebody that was already a mother could just do away with their babies. Now that I got to have 23 weeks with my little one growing inside of me and felt her move and loved her so much from day one I get angry knowing that these women just got rid of their babies like it was no big deal. Like they were just having their tonsils taken out or something. One of those women is pregnant right now and is pissed off that she is pregnant. She absolutely does not want to be and said that if her husband would have let her she would have had an abortion with this one too. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN??!! I need to stop talking about this because I'm just making myself upset. I hope that I haven't upset anybody. I guess I am just venting as well.

This is a very difficult post for me to write, and part of me is scared of retaliation that I will get from fellow members of this site, but here goes.

I had an abortion 8 years ago when I was 21 years old. My boyfriend (then, we've since gotten married) was 23 years old and we were not planning on having kids. We lived in a very small community where having a baby before marriage was a big tabboo. Other reasons included finances and health cover which we did not have. The biggest thing, we were just selfish, no matter how much I try to justify it to myself it was the easy way out. In retrospect. We could have overcome all these obstacles with some gutts and living tough for a while. And although our family may have been very disappointed, everybody would have come around eventually.

At that time I have had no exposure to infertility or the pain that this causes. I did not realise that falling pregnant in itself is not something that "just happens".

Before having that abortion both me and hubby was totally against the idea, but when i fell pregnant we were so selfish that all of the sudden we put aside all our feelings and just went ahead and killed our baby.

I walked into that clinic knowing that what I am doing was wrong and knowing that I will burn in hell one day for killing our child. Anyhow, we were too selfish.

Not a day has gone by since that I have not regretted that choice, and I know that no matter how much I ask for forgiveness, my soul will burn in hell. How could you ask for forgiveness for something you knew was wrong before you did it?

In the meanwhile, my boyfriend and I got married and 7 years later, having grown up a bit and being financially stable, we decided to try for a baby. Some part of me believed that God will never allow me to fall pregnant knowing what I have done and what type of person I am. However, I fell pregnant and for the first few months of the pregnancy I could not believe God allowed this and firmly believed that something will go wrong. At the "safe zone" of 12 weeks, i convinced myself that God has forgiven me and that everything will be ok. Everything was going very well, until one day, late in the pregnancy, I was concerned with our angel's movements. I went to the hospital thinking everything will be ok. It was not ok, after they told me my angel died my first thoughts were that this was my fault and punishment for what I have done.

Nobody but my DH and I know about the abortion I had. When people look at me saying they are so sorry and that things like loosing your baby happen without a reason I want to scream at them that I know what the reason is and that it is all my fault.

When I look at other DS mothers who lost their babies, I feel like a traitor, because I'm here mourning the loss of my baby (which I deserve) and they don't. I've got no right to be here. But yet, without this site I cannot survive.

Sometimes I pity myself for loosing my angel and then I have to remind myself that I need no pity, I brought this onto myself and I deserve the pain that I'm going through.

I guess the reason for posting this is to confess to what I have done. I know it was wrong and not a day goes past that I do not blame myself for what I have done. This feeling of regret has always been with me, I think from the moment I left that clinic, well before I lost my angel.

I have since grown up and realise that pregnancy is a gift. I look at myself as a person and I cannot believe what I have done. I wish I could turn back time and change everything.

To the poster directly above, you should not feel like this is punishment fore what happemned when you were younger. Everyone makes mistakes and poor choices in life. It happens. Forgive yourself. The lose of you child is not a result of your choice before, but of nature.

Oh boy...this can be a big can of worms topic! I was wondering if I should reply or not...I have so many thoughts floating in my head...

Yes, I have a hard time with the abortion issue. Always have. I know it would not have been right for me...under any circumstances, but at times I guess I thought it may be okay in the situations of rape, incest and health to the mother. Then I would think of that precious baby...why should they be denied the chance at a life? I know if would be hard for the women of a rape to carry the baby, it is not the baby's fault you know? Same with drug addicted babies. My niece was born addicted to drugs and now is a thriving 15 year old. She wouldn't be here if I believed her mother should have aborted her because of her drug use.

What bothers me the most I guess on this issue is how far along some clinics will perform abortions. These are babies!!! I remember thinking about that when I was getting my ultrasounds and seeing my baby boy...that some women at this point in there pregnancy would still choose to abort them. I was just unimaginable to me.

My religion tells me that this cannot be a gray issue, it is black and white...abortion for any reason is wrong, but I still struggle with it and losing my son AND now my rainbow doesn't change the way I have felt.

To soverysada-
I hope you feel better getting your "confession" of your chest...I can't imagine how hard it was to have carried it all this time. I hope the women on this forum don't retaliate. This is a place for honesty and support...even if and when we may not agree with someone. So...I do not believe that we are "punished" for things we have done in our past and we are forgiven if we ask for it and are truly sorry for our actions. You are sorry and like you said, you know you took the easy way out of a situation you didn't want to be in and that probably was forgiven a long time ago. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to live with it...especially now. If it gives you any comfort, my cousin had an abortion many years ago...she was a Freshman in college and didn't want to give up school and didn't want to be a mom so young. She is now a nurse and has 3 beautiful children. One is about to graduate high school and go into nursing too to help people, just like her mom. Even though I know it hurts her knowing she could/should have 4 children, she has been so blessed in her life...so I know people are forgiven and not punished.

I will continue to pray for all of us...and all of our precious angels...no matter how they got to Heaven!

Hugs everyone!

I guess you would say I'm PRO CHOICE on the matter, but like others have said, not as a means of back up birth control. That being said, I personally would never have had an abortion in any situation. In life, often the the right path is the hard path.

I am adopted. I met my birth parents when I was 18 years old. My birth mother was honest with me about her situation when she found out she was pregnant with me. Her and my birth father were 19 and 20 yrs old and had already broken up - they got together for a final fling. When she discovered she was pregnant, her first reaction was to have an abortion. She explained that she needed the authorization of 3 doctors at the time before she could go ahead with it. The first 2 doctors gave the go ahead and the 3rd was her family doctor. He explained she was too far along at that point and couldn't agree to it. She left the medical building, looked up to the sky and asked God what she should do. The answer came to her - put the baby up for adoption. Let me tell you, I am so grateful for that 3rd doctor, for the decision to let me live and to give me to parents who were ready and desperate for a family they could not create on their own.

It blows my mind that most people forget about or disregard adoption. If you don't want your baby then SOMEONE ELSE DOES! There are so many loving people praying for the opportunity to become parents. Sure it's a sacrifice but what's a bigger sacrifice - your baby's life or 40 weeks of pregnancy? My birth mother said she thought of me all the time and that a smile would come across her face, knowing that although it was a hard choice, it was the right choice and her baby could live a happy life. She was no saint, but she could have asked another doctor after that 3rd one until she found someone who would do it.

Anyways, I don't think God punishes by taking babies away. We have all made mistakes in our lives and as long as we can forgive ourselves then we are forgiven. I don't think my Angel was a punishment to me or my husband for anything we did in our lives, she was a gift - a precious gift that lasted only a short while. I think that is true of all our angels.

I hope you can find peace, all of you!

Melissa

Wow... such honest and heartfelt responses to a touchy subject. This post is a great example of a great network of support working well. We're all in this together, our views may differ slightly but when it comes down to it - we're all human, we all suffer but we are all here for each other. When we come to the day of our judgment, I think we will be very surprised at how far reaching forgiveness really is and how widely expansive love is. We can't even comprehend.

((Hugs)) and love to all.

P.S.
In no way did I want this to be an attack on moms who have had previous abortions. I have considered abortion in the past and even considered it with Sophia because I was only 18, unemployed and only 4 months into being out on my own and in my first term of college. But I didn't make that choice because it just wasn't right for me.

I know how much pain abortion can cause women, and I would never support anyone attacking someone because they made the choice to have one. I was just venting because sometimes I think of the babies who don't get a chance to live, and I wish so badly I could be their mommy, anything to avoid the pain and loneliness of being afraid you are infertile. Big hugs to ALL OF YOU for being supportive to each other and kind.

I was and still am pro-choice. I think everyone should be able to choose what happens to their own body, no matter the reasoning behind it - whether that be selfish or not. That being said, I would never get an abortion myself. I am also adopted (my birth mother was 14 when she had me) so I'm thankful I wasn't aborted myself. I get angry for purely selfish reasons when I hear of abortions. Why do these people who don't want a baby get pregnant when I can't?? It's so unfair. There are so many people out there who would love to adopt, who wou'd love to be able to get pregnant. I wish adoption was a more acceptable option to people. Pregnancy IS a gift and I wish it wasn't thrown away so easily.

soverysada - please stop blaming yourself, and forgive yourself instead. Your stillbirth was not a punishment, it was a random act of nature and not your fault! You could not have know how much you would regret your abortion. You made what you thought was the best choice for you at the time, and it was your right to make that choice. But you DO deserve to be here with us. I hope your confession has eased your burden. With the loss of your angel you have too much to bear as it is.