Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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/ Stillbirth Support Group

7 months still hurting

KezzB
KezzB
It's been 7 months since Layla died. I thought maybe I should try cutting down the antidepressance and see how I go. I was on 200mg Zoloft and cut back to 100mg. I started getting suicidal thoughts again and started eating and wanting to drink alcohol more. I went non for three weeks and noticed the changes in me. Knowing they were bad I put my meds up again to 200mg. I feel better now. The only thing I'm feeling is a bit of guilt. I'm suppressing my feelings with these meds. Shouldn't I feel the full force and then climb out the other side.
People around me say I'm so strong. Really I feel like d coward, hiding my feelings behind prescription meds. I feel terrible. They stop me from crying. I should still cry for my Layla but with out the meds I'm not in a safe place. I can't mourne without theses deadly thoughts coming to mind.
Am I alone ?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have deadly thoughts also, but I am not on any medication. I was going to therapy for awhile and I found that it helped. My therapist up and left so I haven't been talking to anyone for months and I feel worse. I'm trying to stay away from medication as much as I can. I cry and feel horrible everyday. I just keep telling myself that things will get better. I don't know if I believe myself, but it's all I have. Just know that their are people out there who care about you and still want you around.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just want to say I am so sorry about Layla,please keep reaching out for help, there are many here who care and understand all that you are feeling, my son Isaiah was stillborn Oct 2 2009. I never got to hear his voice or see his eyes, I didn't think I would live another day. I am still here because of the support that I gained here, you are not alone, we all understand and we care about you,take your meds as needed, there is no right way to mourn, we all just work through it together, you are doing the best you can and there are many here willing to help, we care and want to help keep reaching out- we are here for you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dearest KezzB,

You are not a coward! You are brave! Why? Cos you keep on living (and many of us feel like dying) and you are trying to avoid self-destructive behaviors like over eating and drinking and hurting yourself. You are doing the best you can!

I, too, have felt like I am not doing this whole grieving mother thing "right." And it has caused guilt.

You are not alone! Be gentle with yourself.

BIG HUG.
nasnye
nasnye
I've suffered from major depression the majority of my life and was on an antidepressant while I was pregnant with Annaya. Losing her at 39 weeks intensified those horrible feelings.

Some medications cause you to feel completely worse.. You might want to talk to you psychiatrist about trying other meds because they may be the source of your thoughts.

It took me nearly 2 years to get myself together. I haven't been on psych meds for over a year. I have a wonderful therapist who has not judged the way I feel what so ever.