Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfulness, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme. If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms. -Charlotte Bronte
This makes my heart ache...
My boyfriend was supposed to go back to work on monday and he decided to take this week off because i wasnt ready to be alone.. well the first two days were actually good.. he holds me together.. then last night he went to his horseshoe game for a couple hours and i was watching a show and a lady gave birth to a little boy and i lost it.. i shut the tv off and went over to joshua's grave.. i brought him a little football.. afterwards i took a drive over to my moms so i wouldnt be alone but she wasnt home.. so when i got home i cried so hard for an hour and a half until my boyfriend got home.. he held me until i calmed down. It was so bad i pulled out joshua's hospital outfit and held it like he was huggin me.. im so scared of being alone it just reminds me that i should have my baby to take care of..i want him back so bad.. im so thankful for my boyfriend but idk what im gonna do when he goes back. :(
This makes my heart ache...
My boyfriend was supposed to go back to work on monday and he decided to take this week off because i wasnt ready to be alone.. well the first two days were actually good.. he holds me together.. then last night he went to his horseshoe game for a couple hours and i was watching a show and a lady gave birth to a little boy and i lost it.. i shut the tv off and went over to joshua's grave.. i brought him a little football.. afterwards i took a drive over to my moms so i wouldnt be alone but she wasnt home.. so when i got home i cried so hard for an hour and a half until my boyfriend got home.. he held me until i calmed down. It was so bad i pulled out joshua's hospital outfit and held it like he was huggin me.. im so scared of being alone it just reminds me that i should have my baby to take care of..i want him back so bad.. im so thankful for my boyfriend but idk what im gonna do when he goes back. :(
It was also so hard for me the first time I was in the house by myself and all the family stopped visiting and my husband returned to work. Lots of people would call to check on me throughout the day, but that lonely feeling is so hard to deal with still.
Try to plan some things to do in your home to try and keep you a little busy. I tried to just stay busy with cleaning and organizing and I also spent some time just getting comfort from reading through posts on this message board. It just made me feel a little less alone. I also got comfort in reading and meditating on encouraging and uplifting Bible scriptures.
Just remember that though it will be very difficult at first, each & everyday it will get a tad bit easier and you will gain confidence and be proud of yourself to see that you're still surviving and making it through this hardship.
You will be in my thoughts & prayers. I'm here if you need to talk.
So if you can try to go stay with a friend or a family member while he's at work the first few days. It will make him feel better too. Knowing you aren't alone. You might be like me and want to be alone after being in a restricted situation like mine.
After the 2 weeks with now my best friend (mommy-in-law) I watched sooo much Law in order, I hate that show now, lol. But catch up on things you never got a chance to because of work. I even learned how to cook my last 3 weeks off from work. It was exciting. :)
Also made a stronger bond with the Lord. He's always good, even in situation like ours. He's got you. Just know that the short time with our babies were amazing and a blessing from Him. The fact that they had to go before we could hold them is a mystery only God will truly know. But I would never trade my almost 6 months with Joshua for anything. Stay strong and I'm here for you if you need to talk. OK I'm crying now so I must stop...