I am brand new to this site. My son was stillborn on May 7th of this year. I am already doing much better than in the beginning. I didn't think I could survive such a tragedy but with grief counseling, prayer and the support of family and friends I am coping rather well. Raymond was my first child. I am 44 years old and had completely given up on the hope of having a baby. My husband and I had tried fertility treatments about 10 years ago but they did not work. My pregnancy was a complete surprise and a miracle in many ways. I had just about as perfect a pregnancy as you can have. I did everything right, and was seeing a high risk specialist as well as a regular OB. Everything was fine until week 38. I went for a sonogram and was told there was no heartbeat. I had had a sono just four days before that and my son was fine. We had a date set to be induced and everything. To say I was shocked is an understatement. It has been going on three months and I am still shocked at what happened. I am blessed that we had so much love and support in the beginning. Grief counseling has helped up tremendously, as well as prayer. I will say that in the beginning we prayed and turned to God a lot, and I know that helped. As some time has past now I seem to be in more of an angry stage and I seem to be most angry at God. I just can't understand that after all those years of infertility that He would bless us to get pregnant and go all the way to the end only to have our beautiful baby taken away from us. It hurts to think that God would allow something so horrible to happen. It scares me because I had never questioned my faith, although I have gone through some pretty horrible things in my life my faith always remained strong. I know this anger toward God will pass but for now it hurts. What makes things more complicated is that because of my age we have to really move forward quickly if we want a chance at another baby. It's hard because I feel like I can not adequately mourn the loss of my son because I am having to once again think about my infertility issues. Everyone says that you are super fertile after having a baby but almost three months on now and I have not even had a period since losing my son. The thought of not having another chance at having a baby feels like yet another loss. I feel like my age and my body are fighting against me. :-( I know I must move forward regardless as to what happens, it is just that this is still all so new I don't exactly know how to feel.